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Question

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 8:19 PM
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I'm just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way:

My husband and I have been married for almost two years, but things are just so different now than they were before we were married. Before we got married we just seemed so much closer and had more intimacy and just so in love. Now we seem to be living like roommates. There is no intimacy between us (I think that it is more of me not wanting it than him) and we seem more like buddies than a married couple. Oftentimes I feel like I am living a life that I didn't want to live. We are pretty different people and I just don't know if this is how marriage is supposed to go. Maybe I've watched too many movies, but I thought there would be more of a loving feeling in a marriage. So many of my friends have made comments such as "I've married the love of my life and am living the life I've always dreamed of" and "My husband is more than I could ever imagined he would be" "My life was nothing until I got married and now I am living a fairy tale"...the list just goes on. It seems that everyone I know is living these fantasy romance marriages but me.

Has anyone else ever felt this way - like their marriage just doesn't feel quite like you expected, enough so that you just don't feel compelled to be intimate with your spouse? He is a good man and takes care of me, so what the heck is wrong with me? It just doesn't feel like the life I expected. I keep trying to figure out what turns me off about getting close and intimate with him and I just can't place it. Yes, he's told some white lies about stupid things, but nothing major. Yes, he does some immature things, but nothing major. Yes, he's picky about who we go out with (friends to hang with on weekends), but again nothing major. We argue quite a bit and are from two totally different worlds in terms of family....There's been some stress in dealing with his ex and getting situations straightened out because they have a child together. Does ANY of the above possibly have anything to do with it this off feeling I have? Will it ever turn arond? I just want to be happy in my marriage and in my life. I expected the first two years to be more honeymoonish, but it's been the complete opposite (of course we've had some major things happen during these two years).

I guess that's it for now. Sorry I went on for so long.

Any advice?
by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 8:19 PM
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Replies (1-2):
kjranta
by New Member on Feb. 12, 2008 at 9:00 PM
You sound like I did about a year ago.  I didn't think I was living the dream life that I imagined.  There wasn't any intimacy in my relationship either. I couldn't figure out what was wrong and I didn't know how to fix it.  All I can tell you is what I did when I thought it was time to move on and find my fairytale... I took a step back and realized that even though the grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side... that's just it... it LOOKS greener.  If your man is good to you and loves you... what more are you looking for?  A lot of women out there never even get to that point... they don't have a man that loves them and is good to them... You ARE living a dream life that many women would be jealous of.  About the intimacy issues... once you realize what you have and appreciate everything about your spouse... trust me, it's even better, more passionate.  I'm not saying you don't appreciate him... but if you dig a little deeper into what turned you on when you first met, it probably didn't leave, it's still there.  Sorry this is so long.  If you would like to talk, I'm here for you.
TaymG
by New Member on Mar. 24, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Hey I'm sorry to hear about what your going through, as I've been there, and am there. I have an amazing husband, supportive kind caring everything I've always wanted in a husband and yet I sometimes feel like this isn't the life I thought I'd have and what if I wasn't married to him or did things differently. It took us going to marriage counciling and me doing my own therapy as well as put our trust and faith in the lord but slowly things are starting to get better. It's hard cuz I see my friends and how they have that spark and lust and I think to myself" I wish I had that" but then I have to tell myself everything looks greener on the other side, and I have to constantly remind myself what I have and what he's willing to do fir me makes him an amazing hubby. My parents went through this like me right after they got married as well( I believe the first couple yrs of marriage are the hardest) I do know the only thing that saved my folks marriage is marriage counciling and now they are more in love than ever married at 37 years. I keep telling myself you are committed to your commitment and if u put the work in your more likely to have a successful marriage. It's hard cuz there are days my husband and me seem like roomates just crossing paths but I'm not giving up because I'm committed to him and really on paper he's the man I've always wanted to marry. Confused lol but praying and working hard so I'll cross my fingers for both of us! Hang jn there
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