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Hello

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 8:44 PM
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I've never lost a child of my own, but I lost my great-nephew a month before his first birthday.  We'd planned to have his party with my oldest daughter who had a birthday the same week as his.  I received a call the morning he passed and my sister asked me to go to my nephews girlfriends house because she said the baby was not breathing.  I was a certified medical assistant at the time and had training in first aid and cpr.  When I arrived at her house he wasn't breathing and I began CPR.  This is still very hard for me because he never recovered.  When the paramedics arrived I let them take over and we went to the hospital.  I was told by the doctors and everyone that he was already gone by the time I arrived.  I've always felt so guilty about not saving him. My mind and everything I know tells me there was nothing more that I could have done.  My heart aches because I could not help him with all the training I had. To this day I still replay everything in my mind trying to see if I should  have done anything differently.  I worked in the medical field for about a year after that but eventually decided to change careers.   Sorry so long but its hard to talk to people about this because their solution is to interrupt and say its not my fault. Sometimes you just need an ear.

Lilypie 1st Birthday PicLilypie 1st Birthday Ticker


Lilypie 6th to 18th PicLilypie 6th to 18th Ticker


Lilypie 6th to 18th PicLilypie 6th to 18th Ticker


Sonnia
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by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-3):
sherdare
by Group Owner on Jul. 26, 2007 at 11:52 PM
That's what I started this for. was so we have someone to hear what we are feeling. Feel free to add anything you want. It doesn't matter if it's a sentance or a book.


http://www.cafemom.com/group/lossofachild

A place for people who have lost a family member. Poetry contest will start start as soon as there is enough people. Date group started July 25, 2007

JayzSxyBia
by on Aug. 11, 2007 at 10:12 PM
Sonnia,

Do not feel bad...I know exactly how you feel. When I woke up and looked at my daughter I KNEW something was wrong....I grabbed her and she was limp and blue.....I immediatley started CPR screaming for my husband during chest compressions. Every time I did one formula would come out of her mouth and nose. I knew right then that she had some how gotten formula into her lungs...at the time I did not know that she had thrown up and aspirated while sleeping. I blame myself every since the day she went into the hospital...alot of if onlys and wondering if there was something I could have done differently to change the outcome...Maybe someday I wont feel like everything that happened was my fault...but since I couldn't save my baby girls life I feel that way.
Sonnia
by New Member on Aug. 12, 2007 at 3:55 AM
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I noticed the same with the milk or formula coming out of his nose and mouth.  It was very difficult because I was alone with his teenage mom and she was hysterical.  I was doing CPR and she was trying to get him up begging me to just let her hold him.  I finally sent her outside to flag down the abulance (sp).  I did not know what else to do, but I knew I could not stop for her to hold him.  I always thought when I was in school we never really discussed the patient not surviving.  It has been so hard on me with my last two kids checking on them constantly, freaking out if they did not look just right.  Then with BJ being a preemie I have to force myself to just trust he will be ok otherwise I'd probably lose my mind. 

Thanks for sharing your story with me it was very familar yet completely different.  I applaud you for just having the strength to continue. I would say it was not your fault and you did all you could, but I know it will not erase the what ifs in your mind.  So I'll just say cherish her memories and she will always be with you even if not physically. 
Quoting JayzSxyBia:

Sonnia,

Do not feel bad...I know exactly how you feel. When I woke up and looked at my daughter I KNEW something was wrong....I grabbed her and she was limp and blue.....I immediatley started CPR screaming for my husband during chest compressions. Every time I did one formula would come out of her mouth and nose. I knew right then that she had some how gotten formula into her lungs...at the time I did not know that she had thrown up and aspirated while sleeping. I blame myself every since the day she went into the hospital...alot of if onlys and wondering if there was something I could have done differently to change the outcome...Maybe someday I wont feel like everything that happened was my fault...but since I couldn't save my baby girls life I feel that way.


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