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Dealing with a partner who doesn't care about your feelings

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2011 at 7:22 PM
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My boyfriend & I have been together off & on 4 almost 5 yrs. I love him dearly & he is my 1st love. Whenever issues come up that I get upset about he kinda brushes the issues 2 the side, but when he gets mad about something, he feels as though I should be so sympathetic about the situation (even if he's wrong). Any advice on how 2 make things better would be appreciated.
by on Jun. 12, 2011 at 7:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Stormie904
by Member on Jun. 13, 2011 at 9:58 AM

From my experience with my marriage, it will always be like this. My husband never thinks the things I am upset or worried about are important. It's all about him & what he feels or wants or needs. Some men only think about themselves.

Maybe you could try talking to him. If you're lucky he will listen & try to be more understanding towards you. Good Luck! I hope things work out for you better than they have for me!

bren2
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2011 at 10:01 AM


Quoting Stormie904:

From my experience with my marriage, it will always be like this. My husband never thinks the things I am upset or worried about are important. It's all about him & what he feels or wants or needs. Some men only think about themselves.

Maybe you could try talking to him. If you're lucky he will listen & try to be more understanding towards you. Good Luck! I hope things work out for you better than they have for me!


This is how mine is too.

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Mom2_One2011
by on Jun. 13, 2011 at 5:13 PM
Thx guys. I've tried telling him on more than 1 occassion & usually he just goes tit 4 tat w/me
moonmon
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2011 at 6:46 PM

My bf is the same. He even says he doesn't care because what I'm feeling is stupid or I'm being insecure. For example: he went to Vegas for a bachelor party and his friend "tagged" him in his photos on FB. He wasn't wearing his promise ring (which he wears on his left ring finger), so I asked him. I was automatically being insecure. The one time I took mine off to do something messy and forgot to put it on, he was questioning me to no avail. Hello!? I was doing something messy. He was in Vegas for a whole weekend for pete's sake!

Anyway, you just gotta keep at it and get your voice across. Tell him how it makes you feel when he brushes off what you have to say. If he gets upset and starts saying he doesn't care (like mine would say), try to remove yourself from the situation until he calms down. I hope things get better, good luck :)

Mom2_One2011
by on Jun. 14, 2011 at 9:51 PM


Quoting moonmon:


My bf is the same. He even says he doesn't care because what I'm feeling is stupid or I'm being insecure. For example: he went to Vegas for a bachelor party and his friend "tagged" him in his photos on FB. He wasn't wearing his promise ring (which he wears on his left ring finger), so I asked him. I was automatically being insecure. The one time I took mine off to do something messy and forgot to put it on, he was questioning me to no avail. Hello!? I was doing something messy. He was in Vegas for a whole weekend for pete's sake!

Anyway, you just gotta keep at it and get your voice across. Tell him how it makes you feel when he brushes off what you have to say. If he gets upset and starts saying he doesn't care (like mine would say), try to remove yourself from the situation until he calms down. I hope things get better, good luck :)

U took the words right out of my boyfriends mouth. Whenever I get upset, "it's stupid" My whole thing is, how can u tell me what I feel is stupid. I really love him & I guess the best thing I can do is keep voicing my opinion

eriexchick
by Member on Jun. 20, 2011 at 3:32 AM

 UGH! I have to repeat myself and sometimes even do it slowly just to make sure he's listening and processing! HAHA reading some of these while I write this, yeah mine says, "What're you crazy?" so much I've resolved myself to the fact that EVERYONE is crazy excpet him!!! HAHAHA!!! Sometimes I am being insecure, because that's just me. I know this. Sit back and analyze every situation I guess. Don't give up if it's something you feel strong about and if he's going to continue to be disrespectful to you, you have to think of the big picture, ie. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Do you want to spend the rest of it this way? When I say that I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this or whatever the problem is if it's something that can last that long, he usually is the one to back down. I mean that's part of my problem I can love you hard or leave you in a second because I refuse to be miserable forever ya know?

Mom2_One2011
by on Jun. 20, 2011 at 5:43 PM
Quoting eriexchick:

 UGH! I have to repeat myself and sometimes even do it slowly just to make sure he's listening and processing! HAHA reading some of these while I write this, yeah mine says, "What're you crazy?" so much I've resolved myself to the fact that EVERYONE is crazy excpet him!!! HAHAHA!!! Sometimes I am being insecure, because that's just me. I know this. Sit back and analyze every situation I guess. Don't give up if it's something you feel strong about and if he's going to continue to be disrespectful to you, you have to think of the big picture, ie. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Do you want to spend the rest of it this way? When I say that I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this or whatever the problem is if it's something that can last that long, he usually is the one to back down. I mean that's part of my problem I can love you hard or leave you in a second because I refuse to be miserable forever ya know?






I definitely get it. My prblm is its hard 4 me 2 leave bcuz of the history we have, he's my 1st love & he'll make me feel bad abt leaving later on
ItalianGipze
by New Member on Jun. 21, 2011 at 7:57 AM

I feel u guys all to well,  The remarks when ur upset on how dumb u are for feeling that way, or u have no reason for feeling that way.

I use to jump when he was upset, always worried about what was bothering him, and asking whats wrong. I got tired of him getting upset because I would ask and even more tired of my feelings being stupid or non-senceable. When he is upset now I am still empathetic but not so quick to comfort him. First it inferiated him, but I think he finally got my meaning when my responce to his," you just dont care", oh it bothers you that I show no simpathy or compasoin to what is hurting or bothering you? Needless to say he didn't like that to much, but putting it in his face so directly has payed off alot better then just dealing with the hurt of his rejection and insults.

NO ONE has the right to tell another person what they feel is stupid. You feel everything, good, bad, or sad for a reason and just because you face it and try to deal with it doesnt make you crazy or stupid.

Some men, more then a few, have no idea how to be empathetic to others, it isnt just you or woman, They just weere never shown empathy so they dont know how to step outside their situation or feeling and recognize what or why you are feeling what you feel.

Two things are for sure, he will either change if/when you bring it to his attention or put it in his face, this depends on how strong a person you are and how you choose to deal with it, and how consistant you are. Then again if he is to self absorb or to arrogant then there will be noting, not even a real effort to change.

Remeber, compassion, sympathy, and empathy are learned traits not inherited.

AngelBaby90
by New Member on Jun. 27, 2011 at 12:05 AM

Unfortunately, most men are the same. At least, my boyfriend of almost 2 years is. An issue can come up that upsets me greatly and makes me cry, and to him it's all about me wanting attention and being childish. Sometimes, I feel like he really doesn't care at all... although I know he does in some way. Best of luck to you in figuring out how to deal with him. :-/

beeber
by New Member on Jul. 3, 2011 at 4:18 PM
My husband is the same...but with any issue. Not just my feelings. He is the type of person that says, why bother with things that are stressful because they will ruin your day. He was raised this way. both his parents are alcoholics (well his dad past from it late last year ), they all had to survive on ignoring any problems or they would not get through a day. Unfortunatly I have to be drug along with it. I am so embarrassed because I have actually become depressed over the last few months but od course he let's that go too
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