Confused, No bashing please I don't think I can handle it right now.
I don't know if I belong here because I'm not married. I have been with my SO for 9 years on October 22nd. We've always had problems and I've always stuck by him. He's cheated alot and gotten really heavily into drugs of all kinds. But I've always been there wanting for him to come back to me so I could pick the pieces up and go on with our life.
We got pregnant a month after we got together, I had our 1st DD in August 2004. He cheated on me the whole time I was pregnant and even got another girl pregnant. When our daughter was about 2 he started smoking crack and still cheating. I left and waited for him to come back to me. In 07 I got pregnant again thinking it would make things better between us, I was wrong. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I found out he was cheating again(most of the cheating was with one girl).
Things got better for awhile. I was living with my mom and he was staying where he could and ended up moving back to Ohio for awhile. He moved back in 09 and moved in with his cousin, things were really good between us for a little while, until he went back to his same old ways.
In 2010 I got a job and moved into my own apartment, things had been good between us again so he moved in with me and the girls. He says he has not cheated on me since we have moved in here, but that's kind of hard to believe given his history. We've never gotten along and I can feel my relationship running through my fingers like water. I don't know why but I love this man with everything I have. I guess I don't really have any questions, I just need some support and I know not many people are willing to give me that after they hear our story. And in no way am I innocent in all of this, I to have made many mistakes.
Its the "florence nightengale syndrome," I've done it too, you stick around thinking you can change the person or the situation, but it never happens. they can only change themselves. cheating is unforgiveable though. he does not love nor respect you if he cheats on you.
~hugs!~ I did it for 3 years and actually it went back a lot longer it started with him when I was 19 and went on and off, left my marriage twice for him....(marriages were ending anyways, and in no way excuses what I did) but I loved him. I didn't and couldn't let go until I was ready. You are on a rough cruel and hard road. Drugs come first to a addict, trust me I know..... I just couldn't let go until feb of 2010 for some reason I told him this was his last chance... I felt everything slipping away I actually felt my freedom again I knew it was done it didnt take long and it was over he loves his drug that is his first love and always will be and I finally loved myself enough to know I deserved to be first!!!! He still calls and I talk to him but I no longer feel the need to SAVE him he obviously didnt want the saving as he proved many a time over and over to me. He has begged and I have said no.... there a comes a time when you think about yourself and your kids and no one can make that time come any quicker for you its all on you!!! I know and understand not bashing just telling you that you need to learn to love you
My mother gave me some good advice. If you always do what you have always done then you will always get what you always got.
You have to ask yourself if you are good with the rollercoaster, if the answer is yes then stay and make the best of it. No one can decide but you. I am sure that you are good at concealing what goes on in your relationship from the girls but something to think about is, kids will tend to look for relationship for themselves similiar to that of their parents. It has to do with comfort zone.
Good luck and know that seems work out how they are suppose to if we step back and let them happen.
Thoughts and prayers :) <3
I'm really sorry for what he has put you and your kids through. Since you don't want to leave him I don't know what to tell you. Good Luck
I have been there too. I had to just turn off the "feelings". Me and my husband currently cohabitate, but the marriage part is pretty much dead. It's all your choice, and what is worth it to you and what isn't, and what is best for your kids. Right now, staying with my husband is the best choice for my boys. Because what he lacks in being a "man", he makes up for by being a great dad. And it's easy to get in a relationship and feel like there's no other options out there. But there is life beyond a rocky relationship. Good luck girl!
I am not married to the father of my children either. We have been together for 7 years. So not being married is not something you feel should be necessary to speak with other moms. Second, children do not fix anything, they make life worth living for some while others simply see the chaos they bring. I look at this way if you want to be with him then first off he to seek treatment for his potential addiction problem. In addition to therapy the both of you need to explore counseling so that what has been taken from the both of you can be repaired if you truly want to be with one another.
hugs. things will get better . Your going through the storm before the calm. pm me if you need to talk . im here for you.
Marriage ended
- kirstensmommie
on Apr. 14, 2012 at 10:36 AM