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Married, been together 11 years, have 4 kids and he doesnt love me any more.

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:40 PM
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Long story short my husband and i separated, he says he doesn't love me, but we are living together again to see if he can get that love back, or remember it, to see if we can save our marriage. He is the only man i have been with since one month before i turned 16, and nobody is supportive in my decion to try to work things out at all. NOBODY. He and I get along since we've moved back together, ten times better than we did... But i just was hoping to have someone to talk to about this, because nobody will talk to me about it without implying i'm stupid. I'm of course wanting things to work out, we have 4 kids and were eachothers first loves and only sexual partners too.... Its all overwhelming at times when nobody understands why i am trying with him. We havr gone on dates, any other ideas on things to try to help?
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by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:40 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Lunatic6997
by New Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 5:26 PM

Why is everyone against you getting back together?

luvsher4cuties
by New Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:47 PM
They think that it's pointless! They think if he doesnt love me then he isnt worth my time, and they also think that his attitude during our separation and something he did means i shouldnt try to work things out. He hasn't cheated on me, he did ask my sister for pictures of herself, but honestly i am willing to forgive that because of our family and we've been together so long. His mom isn't against us working things out but she doesn't talk to me much. Everyone else was trying to force me to file divorce first thing when we separated!
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PartyGalAnne
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 10:16 AM
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You've been together since age 15? You were a child. Your relationship formed around a completely different belief system. Maybe it's not so much about "remembering" the love you had, but finding NEW things about yourselves, and falling in love with who you are NOW, not who you were 11 years ago.

Beauty91805
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 10:19 AM
I agree


Quoting PartyGalAnne:

You've been together since age 15? You were a child. Your relationship formed around a completely different belief system. Maybe it's not so much about "remembering" the love you had, but finding NEW things about yourselves, and falling in love with who you are NOW, not who you were 11 years ago.


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Lunatic6997
by New Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 5:58 PM


Quoting luvsher4cuties:

They think that it's pointless! They think if he doesnt love me then he isnt worth my time, and they also think that his attitude during our separation and something he did means i shouldnt try to work things out. He hasn't cheated on me, he did ask my sister for pictures of herself, but honestly i am willing to forgive that because of our family and we've been together so long. His mom isn't against us working things out but she doesn't talk to me much. Everyone else was trying to force me to file divorce first thing when we separated!

I think you need to do what is best for you. If you are able to forgive him and if you are both willing to work on your relationship, you should. If and when the time comes to end it, you will when your ready and not your family! Hugs!

luvsher4cuties
by New Member on Dec. 23, 2012 at 1:18 PM
I think you're right, we are trying to better understand the people we are now, and try to see if he can love the person I am now. Throughout this process he is seeing me in a different way he didn't before because he never paid as much attention to me as a person, I think I was just seen as Mom, Wife housekeeper, not as a person with a personality, likes and dislikes and so on. He has said things have been nicer, and more fun, and I know he is learning more about me as a person, and i'm learning things too. :-)


Quoting PartyGalAnne:

You've been together since age 15? You were a child. Your relationship formed around a completely different belief system. Maybe it's not so much about "remembering" the love you had, but finding NEW things about yourselves, and falling in love with who you are NOW, not who you were 11 years ago.


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luvsher4cuties
by New Member on Dec. 23, 2012 at 1:20 PM
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Thank you! That's what I thought too! If it does end (I hope it doesn't) then it shouldn't be my family and "friends" telling me to hurry up and do it, it should be when we decide that we don't think we could have a future together.


Quoting Lunatic6997:


Quoting luvsher4cuties:

They think that it's pointless! They think if he doesnt love me then he isnt worth my time, and they also think that his attitude during our separation and something he did means i shouldnt try to work things out. He hasn't cheated on me, he did ask my sister for pictures of herself, but honestly i am willing to forgive that because of our family and we've been together so long. His mom isn't against us working things out but she doesn't talk to me much. Everyone else was trying to force me to file divorce first thing when we separated!

I think you need to do what is best for you. If you are able to forgive him and if you are both willing to work on your relationship, you should. If and when the time comes to end it, you will when your ready and not your family! Hugs!


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