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PIOG- pregnant, confused, hurt, and am desperate!

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 6:51 PM
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I tried to write this on a different group until I got bashed by the women who's lives are "wonderful" anyways, I'm hoping you ladies can give me some strength and words of wisdom. My boyfriend and I just separated and I am 6 months pregnant. We each have kids from previous relationships. We moved very fast and have only been together for 8 months( I had chemo for 6 months- pregnant by accident but miracle)

things we good at first, then he started treating me like crap( stupid, retarded, nothing I ever said mattered every name in the book etc) and I started to take him for granted( stay at home mom) slacked with housework. Which one came first idk. We couldn't come together for anything. Parenting issues, verbal and emotional abuse, etc. we had a huge fight and things got physical over something very stupid. I think we both just had it to our breaking point. He stayed away for a few days then decided he wanted to move out( living in a house that was formally his cousins) he said trial separation. I agreed and he got a few things here and there

. Fast forward- its been 2 weeks. We have talked and he came over to watch a movie one night and it went well. Kisses, cuddling, I love you's. I didn't want him to move out but I supported his decision. I'm 6 months pregnant, my mom is helping with bills, I will now be a family of 3 instead of 6- I have 5 rooms which will have to be painted and situated to not accommodate his kids, and a million things I have to do. I didn't want him moving it all out, to move it back in, and have to re build everything while pregnant or with a newborn. I ended up giving him an ultimatum which said you have a week to decide what you want to do. It's been 2 weeks and all I have got was mixed messages. He pulls me in one direction- (he is not sensitive or emotional) he wants us to work- needs time. One day I will get a good morning text goodnight text then if I don't text him i will get nothing. So when I gave him the choice to either let me know if I'm moving forward with him or rebuilding without him he said that he wanted to take it slow, rebuild, but it has to be what I want(maybe he's right) so then I explained that I need more from him. Reassurance, making an effort to make this work as I've been doing with him- trying to force us to work, move him back in, telling him it could work if we changed, moving out should be last step instead of first. start off like we were when we dated.

So, we agreed that we will text each other through out the day and evening then once he got that house situated for himself and 2 kids(split custody) he would start coming over a couple nights a week to rebuild( we have only done that once in 2 weeks) so after that was agreed upon he came here to grab stuff and wet to leave- no hug, kiss, or an I love you. That made me rethink everything again! Half of me thinks he doesn't want us, or wants me to continue to bed and the other half is a power trip( he said its a shame it came down to this- think about it while I'm not here- like it was all me) I've been doing the begging, trying, pleading. I think our daughter deserves us to give it another shot now we are both serious. He pulls me one way, then the other by his actions or words. But in my heart I feels he wants this, us, a family(he is a good dad despite everything and would want to be here when his daughter is born) he's just in a power trip dragging me along. So what do I need to do. When I called it quits he said he wanted it to work- but not on my terms. When I didn't text him all day- he didn't text me. He's giving me no reassurance without asking for it. I feel like he has me on a string and I can't move forward. I've been in two different relationships which didn't make me feel like this.

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I just feel rather hopeless. When I start to know myself and where we stand he throws curveballs at me. He's just not making the effort I would like and need.

If I say I love you, he says it, but he can go without texting and talking to me- like he is moving forward and I'm not. I admit I'm probably being pushy, but I'm home all day have nothing to do as he is taking his good old time moving out and with our situation i feel like it has to be one or the other( am i wrong) He says he wants it, but most of the time his actions don't follow. Is he playing the- you need me, beg for me and I will come back game? He also makes comments that push me one way then another like- obviously I'm moving out- I don't like to move( so plans to come back before or after daughter) or its a shame it had to come to this- think about what you had.

I don't necessarily want him bashed so to speak, just advice on what I need to do and how I go about doing it all.
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 6:51 PM
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Replies (1-2):
by New Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:18 PM
I just went thru something similar if u need to talk text me at 8702151715
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by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 4:24 PM

I think you should just focus on you and your kids including your baby. If he wants you and your relationship, then he will make time for it. If he doesn't, then so be it. Focus on you, stop worrying about what he wants and crap. That's how he is manipulating you, maybe not intentionally. Just do what you gotta do. Stop trying to read his mind also. 

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