Do you believe there is such a book or course or something? I ask this because Im obviously failing as a parent. Im so unsure of how to get my oldest DS motivated to do anything!!! Now Im afraid Im going to screw it up for the younger 2. My heart is breaking because I honestly feel like Im doing something wrong. I give my children everything they need & when it can be afforded, things they want. No, they're not spoiled. They dont get anything they want when they want it & they (my oldest at least) has to do something to earn it. But apparently thats not good enough for him. And due to my in-laws, my children can have the best everything... education, life experiences, vacations... etc.. Im not bragging about that, but they really can have everything I couldnt. And it seems my oldest is taking it all for granted. This summer, with my in laws help, we signed him up for Golf lessons & Tennis lessons. I say with their help, because its through their membership at the country club they belong to. And before summer started, he said these were 2 sports he wanted to do. So, as soon as was available, he started going. After a few lessons, I had to stop going with him. I would just drop him off. The reason? I had a nervous breakdown at one of his lessons because all I heard was his name with: "Stop, put the racket down, hold it up, stop hitting the net, turn around, take your hat off your face" ETC. I was so embarrassed to call him my son! All the other people were looking at me like WTF? And Tsking. I really didnt care TOO much about them, but I was embarrassed because their kids are there to learn & mine thinks its ok to goof off all the time, and was a big distraction to them... ANYWAY, I started sitting back in on his practices--I kept getting good reports from instructors & other parents & I told him how proud I was of him etc. So today at tennis (there's 4 courts) 1 & 2 can be seen easily from where we sit. 3 & 4 cant be seen from where we sit due to the fence... and theres no where to sit by those courts... Well my son was on 3&4 today... I thought he did pretty well... I didnt hear his name once.... BUT this afternoon during his golf tournement (last day of golf), I ran into the Tennis director & he told me that with the way my son was behaving today (and dont get me wrong, the director was VERY nice & understanding...) that he's not going to be able to participate in the Tennis Olympics (a fun game for the last class where they get judged & get a gold, silver or bronze medal... ). So I asked what he was talking about. He said that he was goofing off, talking back, walking away, sitting down, saying how he hates tennis etc. I was AGAIN, embarrassed! I explained to him that although its no excuse for his behavior, and I apologized on behalf of my son since he was at golf, that he has an 18 mo old & 3 month old brothers. So it could be a way for him to get attention. So he said he understood. He's going to see if we can give Dominic a private lesson & see how that goes so that he can have fun in the Olympic games they have planned. I just dont understand whats going on with him. I think he thinks that if he doesnt have to go to the sports that HE wanted to do, that he can sit inside all day playing Wii, watching TV or playing on the computer. I told him that if thats what he thinks, he is wrong. He'll sit in a corner all day, only to be allowed to go to the bathroom, have necessary meals and go to bed & when he gets up the next day, he can do the same thing over & over for the whole summer... do you know what??? It didnt phase him! HE DOESNT CARE! I cant threaten to take things away... cause I do & he just knows he'll get it back... I literally took TV away for a month because he said "I dont care, I'll get it back" So I took more stuff away... still didnt phase him. I made him sit on his bed one day... the WHOLE day... he didnt care. I dont know what Im doing wrong. I feel like a failure. And I've never failed at anything... I've always excelled at everything I've ever done/tried.... and now, I cant succeed... I dont know how to fix this... Im so upset.
Thanks for listening to this... I know its long... But I really need help. Praising doesnt work, Yelling doesnt work, I've tried hitting (really not for me... plus it doesnt work). Is he going to be another loser in the system when he gets older? Isnt it sick that I think like that? *Sigh....*
So sry to hear about the trouble you are having with your DS. You have to understand though that not everything a child does is because of something his parents have done wrong. My middle son (7) is doing the same thing and it is just a phase my oldest DS did it as well. What helps a little bit though is everybody banning together. If he is grounded or whatever that means Grand parents and such have to stick with it also. I honestly don't know how my oldest DS got out of this phase - one day he was just better lol.
You just have to take one day at a time. Also since you do have younger children maybe he does feel sort of left out. Try spending a little one on one time with him. I did find that when I take my kids on walks and just talk to them the whole time they are much better when we get home. I wish I could be more help. 
Nathaniel(9) Caleb(7)
Breonna(2) HELP!
My daughter is 5 and sometimes goes through 'stages' where she gets mad at everyone, yells, crys....just acts dramatic for no reason. I have a hard time taking things from her because we don't spoil our kids with things AT ALL...so she doesn't even care when things are taken away. We moved about a month ago and have a new baby (3 months old). Someone told me that she may be acting out because of the baby. I denied it because she was so in love with him, but I tried some things anyways. I talked it over with my husband, and we decided that whenever we go out, we would take one of the older kids with us. That way they have 3 or more outings a week where they have one on one attention with the parent. That seemed to have worked wonders right away. Someone also told me about delayed reaction. Thats when a child misbehaves and you punish them later. For example: My son kept hitting my daughter. I told him that he'd better stop hitting or next time we do something special, he can't go. Then of course he continued to hit (even with time-outs etc). Later that evening, My husband asked the kids if they wanted to go swimming. He allowed my older daughter to go, but my son couldn't because he didn't follow the rules earlier that day. This is an ongoing problem, 2 times a week he gets punished this way. Little by little he is getting better at it though. I know you posted this over a month ago. Has anything gotten better?
I have a friend that constantly talks about her sons behaviour...in front of him. I don't recommend that at all because he is learning that when he misbehaves, he will get attention from his mom because she will talk about him. Even though its in a negative way, atleast she is talking about him. I don't know if you do that, I just wanted to throw that out there. I don't think that your a bad mom...obviously your not because you want help! I would really try tons and tons of positive reinforcement. I also hate to bring this up, but is there any way your son has suffered any type of abuse? I know thats hard to think of, but it could cause major behavioral changes.
HELP ( PIOG)
- luvmyboys2
on Jul. 31, 2008 at 10:47 PM