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survival

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2007 at 8:55 PM
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        i'd like to hear what it finally took for you to get clean
by on Feb. 25, 2007 at 8:55 PM
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Replies (1-3):
italianmom403
by on Mar. 5, 2007 at 2:35 PM
It took my best friends 13 month old daughter dying that got me straight! I will never fogive myself for that!
profoundlove
by on Mar. 13, 2007 at 2:01 PM
I got clean & sober at 14 years old. I was put into a drug rehab in 1983 & have been sober since.
Prior to that, I thought everything was o.k...I thought my misery was normal. I thought I was too young to be an alcoholic or drug addict. I thought every 14 year old prayed for death at some point.
I weighed 89 lbs. & I had blood coming out of my ears and a hole in my nose from having blown out my sinus's due to cocaine use. I was living in an abandoned school with 3 friends. I was ending up in the backs of cars, unclothed, not knowing where I was, how I got there & who I was with. I landed my ass in jail twice behind booze. I had no morals, no boundaries, no selfworth. I started getting high at 6 years old & by the time I was 8, I was inhaling Pam (non-stick frying pan spray). I swored I'd never drink, I didnt want to be like my parents...I had my first drink & drunk at 11. Black out drinker from the gate.

In rehab, I was angry. I felt my parents were being hypocritical. I was too young.
Two weeks into my rehab stay, I realized, that if I didn't have a drug problem, it wouldn't be a problem to stop....clearly I was having a problem stopping. The detox was horrific. From that point, I began to rewind and look at the choices I made while under the influence & I got honest enough with myself that I committed to a year of sobriety, which has turned into almost 24 now. I have no regrets, at all. My drinking & using is part of who I am today. I know I am sober, no matter what. That is my dominant thought. I no longer attend A.A meetings...I'm done focusing on the problem.  It's time to celebrate life, every minute.


Circles,
Aim
shelfreemomof3
by on Mar. 14, 2007 at 10:18 AM
In 2003, my world was a nightmare.  My kids at that time were 9, 5, and 3.  My husband had been out of work for 8 mos., I had lost 2 grandparents that year and my junkie cousin had been living with us for a year. I was only making around $1200 a month and we were not making ends come close to meeting, and yet we still supported a meth amphetamine addiction. I still don't know how that happened.  We had pawned and lost almost everything of value and were down to "dumpster diving" and having garage sales every weekend with the junk we would find salvagable.  The guy that we got our stuff from mainly during that time lived about 30 mins. away and was a old friend of my husbands so I never went with him to score.  One day, we went together and this was the first time I had ever gone, I left my kids with my tweaking cousin and two strangers.  When we pulled up in front of this guy's house I was blown away.  It was in a gorgeous neighborhood, with good schools and it was a beautiful home.  In the back there was a pool and a treehouse and trampoline.  He had 3 children himself and they were not wanting for anything. As we walked through the house, something came over me as I began to see my children's things in these children's rooms.  A karoke machine that had been a Christmas present to my daughter the year before and a motorized Dr Pepper race car (my 3 yr old could ride in it), sitting just out the back door, the big TV that we had saved for months to buy being watched in their living room.  As I looked around and first realized that my husband had been lying to me about the stuff we had "lost" in pawn and second was how we were making it possible for this guy to live like that.  WE were paying his bills and his rent and providing nice toys for his kids to play with.  I almost became physically ill.  It was the hardest thing in the world to sit next to the liar and not wanna punch him in the face.  The guy had to leave to go get the quantity we were looking for and the minute he left, I tore into my husband.  I went outside to sit in the car and two patrol cars pulled up in front of the house next door and sat there.  I had been up for 3 days and I was sure they were fixing to raid the house I was at.  I was afraid to get out of the car but my husband was inside.  Almost an hour passed by and the cops came and went 2 more times.  I was losing it.  I kept thinking about my kids at home with people I shouldn't have left my dogs with much less my kids, and wondering what would happen if we were arrested here.  As I sat in the car waiting, I bawled.  For the first time since I began using meth, I finally was seeing myself for who I really was, a drug addict.  The guy finally arrived, my husband got our stuff and we left.  I did not speak to him all the way home.  When we got home, he went to our using room and began breaking up the stuff to get ready to use.  I went in and hit it one time.  I started watching my cousin rig up his needle and the strangers do their thing and I could not get out of there fast enough.  I pushed away from the table and went and locked myself in my bedroom.  I laid on the floor on my face and begged God to change me or kill me.  I laid that way for I don't know how long  and felt this peace wash over me that I had never known before.  When I emerged from my room, even though I didn't realize it yet, I was done.  I stopped using that day and have never looked back.  My husband continued to use up until last year and eventually wound up in jail on domestic violence charges stemming from drug use.  It took all of 2006 for him to get clean and get on track.  Today, we are both practicing Christians, involved in our church and in outreach ministry to other addicts. 
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