advice piog

[Jayce76]

Hey I was wondering what you thought about my surrogate having a
babyshower? I don't know if u recall how my "surrogacy" came to be and
because of that and other factors my surro hasn't told her coworkers and
friends of the details, as a way of avoiding too many questions and what
I gather negative feedback. Anyway I heard from her that her coworkers r
goin to give her a small shower and when I asked her what she planned to
do with the stuff she said give it to me, im obviously bothered by this
but dh says its a tradition n to let her have it. Im actually plannin on
havin my shower after the baby is born cuz im afraid things could go
sour. What do u think? What did u do? Im handlin her very cautiously now
cuz her mood swings r horrible

[Aileara]

Sorry to be so long in posting - I hope you got a reply in another group.

As a former IM, I would be livid if our former surrogate's co-workers gave her a baby shower.  Then again, I do not know the circumstances of the surrogacy or how it "came to be".

Our surrogate had carried multiple other surrogate babies, so there was no baby shower stuff to go through, but I would not have been impressed in the slightest.

Good luck, and hang in there until delivery.

[utahmomto5]

Hi, I am new here, but wanted to post my 2 cents.  I am currently in the process of being a surrogate.  I don't think it's right for her to have a shower.  No way.  It's just another way to "bond" and that shouldn't be happening.  If her co-workers knew, they could just get together and send her to a spa or for a massage.  That makes much more sense to me.  I think it would be nice as a surrogate to be invited to the "real mom's" shower.  Meaning. your shower if somebody was throwing one.  I wouldn't feel out of place in that aspect.  Just my 2 cents.

[pmacphee]

As a surrogate my IM invited me to her baby shower two months after the baby was born, and it was really special to be there.  My own friends sent me flowers and gifts after I delivered the baby, but none of them were baby gifts...............If your surrogate's friends want to do something for her to recognize her journey, they could throw her a little party in recognition with personal gifts for her instead of for the baby...................................Your surrogate probably is excited about the idea of getting some support and recognition from her friends, but the gifts could simply be things to help ease the burden of pregnancy................massage, spa products, flowers, maternity clothes, etc....................if you want to read about how I managed a surrogate pregnancy with my IPs, and all the thoughts and emotions around it, you can check out my book which is coming out in May.....It's called Delivering Hope----The Extraordinary Journey of a Surrogate Mom.  It might help give you an idea what your surrogate is thinking and feeling and what may or may not be appropriate along the way......................the website is www.deliveringhopebook.com.