How does this work

[jackiea84]

Hi y'all i am fairly new to all this and just had some questions. i have tried to research but im really not having any luck.

I was just wondering how all this works like after the surrogate gives birth are we, me and DH, considered adoptive parents? or bio parents? or my DH bio father and her the BirthMother and me adoptive??  although we will be using my eggs..

if we use both my eggs and DH's sperm on her will the baby have any sort of genes/heredity from the surrogate?

When i take the baby to the pedi will i have to mention that i did not give birth to him when they ask how the pregnancy/delivery went?

will the surrogate have any rights over the baby? will she be mentioned on the Birth certificate?

If we use a family member or friend do we still have to go through lawyers?

 I hope this made sense i kinda did it in a hurry lol sorry

I would really appreciate u guys sharing ur knowledge im so desperate for answers!! thanks :)

[Kimmy0811]

Hello!  For the most part, the answers to your questions depend on what state you live in and whether there are specific laws.  I live in Illinois and there are several legal hoops to go through prior to the delivery.  Our baby girl was born last August via gestational surrogacy and we were required to have an attorney.  Even without the requirement, I would highly recommend getting one, even if you're using a friend or family member.  It got pretty intense with emotions towards the end of our surrogate's pregnancy and we needed to seek advice from our attorney a few times.  We were able to do a pre-birth order 4 months before the due date; therefore, there was no need for adoption.  The birth certificate reflected my husband's and my name.  We were present for the delivery and attended every appointment/ultrasound.  We took the baby home 24 hours after delivery and had made arrangements with the hospital to have our own private room and the baby stayed with us the entire time.  I met with pediatricians prior to the birth (interviewing and such) and informed them of the situation.  By the way, if you're using your egg and your husband's sperm, the baby is 100% biologically yours!  There will be no genes/heredity passed from the surrogate.  I wish you and your husband the best of luck. 

Best,
Kim

[jackiea84]

Im from texas. Do u have any websites? i am really having a hard time

[Aileara]

First, welcome!!  This can be a very rocky road, but if all goes well, very much worth all of it.  Please remember that what follows is based only on our personal experiences here in California.  I am not up on what other States say regarding this.  You need a lawyer, friend or family member involved or not.  Our legal agreement with our surrogate was 39 pages long.

Here in California, with your eggs and DH's sperm, the baby is biologically yours and would inherit nothing from the surrogate as far as genes/heredity.  Not to sound crude, but the surrogate in that case would be like an oven - no relationship to the child biologically whatsoever.  You would NOT be adoptive parents in any sense of the word.  You would be the baby's natural, biological and legal parents.  That said, be sure you have an attorney involved, especially one who specializes in surrogacy.  The legalities are enormous no matter which area of the country you're in.

You should mention to the pedi that this was a surrogate birth, but after disclosing that info, it should never enter any conversation or appointment again.

The surrogate would have no rights to even see the baby unless it is mutually agreed between you and DH and the surrogate, and she will not be mentioned on the birth certificate.  Again, this is all California related - no idea about other States.

In our particular case we decided with our surrogate carrier to remain in touch, to tell our son the part she played in his life when he's old enough, to have her as part of our lives.  She's part of our family now, and we frequently get together.  We're fortunate to live relatively close to each other, so it's easier.  She comes to Braeden's birthday parties, holidays, just to visit and spend time with him.  Yes, it's hard sometimes for me, knowing that she carried him for 9 months because I couldn't, that she gave birth to him.  But DH and I were in the delivery room when he was born, went to the nursery with him.  Right from the beginning he was our son.  I know I'll be explaining what happened down the road, but I know Braeden will understand - at least I hope he does.

Good luck, and please keep in touch.