New here and need some info

[MyHappyKids]

I am new to this whole subject.I have searched around the web some but am here b/c you guys have "been there/done that" so here goes---we have been looking at adoption,and some one mentioned surrogacy.So give me an idea how this works. Do/can you use your own eggs,sperm etc(I am 43 so is hubby)?do/can you use a donated embryo,etc etc?What types of medical interventions are needed-I keep reading shots everywhere bit dont understand the whole process obviously alot to do with geting everyone needed to be preggers etc but would like to understand it better. How often is this covered by medical ins? any one have a clue? What does it cost for the medical procedures and what does it cost to have a surrogate? I know I am have so many questions but really I cant seem to find alot of specific answers. Also why is working with an agency better? or is say a relative better? Anything you guys can tell this newbie I would greatlt appreciate.Thanks ahead of time!

[pmacphee]

Hi.  I was a gestational surogate for my cousin and his wife.  So we used their frozen embryos, though you can also use donated embryos, or create embryos with donated eggs and/or sperm.  The embryo transfer can use fresh or frozen embryos.  You can go through an agency or contract with an independent surrogate (a relative or not).  My insurance covered the pregnancy, but my cousin footed the bill for the medical and psychological evaluations and the legal contract, as well as the embryo transfer and subsequent testing.  The surrogacy was a gift to my cousin so obviously I didn't collect a fee, but the whole process is still relatively expensive.  The IPS out there can probably give you a better idea about that and your other questions.  (You can take a look at my book on my website if you want more insight into the realities of surrogacy. )

If you choose to go with surrogacy, I wish you the best of luck.  There are a lot of amazing women out there who have chosen to be surrogates.

[Aileara]

The first thing I would do as potential IPs (intended parents) is to get an attorney with expertise in surrogacy.  It's a very complicated journey, and you definitely need legal assistance.  The contract we had with our surrogate carrier was 39 pages long.

You can use your husband's sperm and your eggs, his sperm and an egg donor, or donor sperm and eggs.  In my opinion a gestational surrogacy is the only way to go.  That means that the baby she carries is in no way related to her - the eggs used are not hers.  In a traditional surrogacy, the surrogate carrier's eggs are used, which means she is the child's biological mother.  We would not have even considered a traditional surrogacy.

Our medical insurance covered nothing except the hospital stay for our son when he was born.  Our surrogate had her own medical insurance for her hospital stay.  Everything else came out of our pockets, and believe me, it was very expensive.  The fertility treatments, embryo transfers, the agency, the surrogate fee, ultrasounds, legal fees, everything - depending on where you live you could be looking at $75-100 K going with an agency.  That was what we ended up paying.  But seeing our son, holding him for the first time, it was well worth that and much more.  Just please be careful.

Again, just my opinion, but where you've never done this before, definitely go with an agency if you can find a good one.  They take care of almost all the technicalities for you, help you match with an appropriate surrogate, locate an egg donor if you need one, make sure you've got a surrogate who's been through all the required medical/psychological testing.  With an independent, unless you've got an iron clad legal document in place, you could possibly have some nasty surprises.  Definitely not something anyone wants to go through.

If you want to ask more specific questions, please feel free to email me directly at [e-mail], and I'd be more than happy to write you privately there with more details.  Take care, and good luck.

[MyHappyKids]

Thanks you two for the info.I truly am starting at the beginning. We have 3 bio children and 2 adopted sons from fcare.But we still want more children.After our last 2 high risk pregnancies I was told NOT to get pregnant again so my husband got "snipped". We would love to have more bio children and after being foster parents for years and losing a sibling group we had for 17 mos and were asked if we wanted adopt at 4 mos if they did not return home our hearts were broken as we got the youngest straight from the NICU. We have been looking at adoption and I was kidding around with my neices at Easter that they needed to "make me one"-both have young children and both ahve a newborn.Well the older of the two said OK I like being pregnant but dont want to have anymore kids(she has 3).I was like really?would you consider it? and she said yes,certainly(she is so sweet anyway) so I came on here to get some info. I have no idea if we can somehow get sperm from my hubby since he has been snipped but that would be our idea situation but he too would like more children so I dont think he would mind even if we had a donor.I am 43 so having a donor egg would be ok too or adopting an embryo.We dont feel the need so much as to produce a bio child as to have more children if that makes sense.We were matched for a private adoption last summer but she decided to parent,which I think is awesome as anyone should have that opportunity if they wish to do so. We are basically just checking out all the options and since my neice said sure we are looking into this.Thanks so much for your info.Any other advice greatly appreciated.AWM