Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Potty training

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2012 at 2:59 PM
  • 25 Replies
  • 976 Total Views
1 mom liked this
Im with another general group for toddlers/preschoolers but everyone's advice about potty training is just not working for us.
Emma has been dry overnight for so long I can't even remember since when, maybe eight months now. She only poops at home and sometimes at the library. She pees a lot of course but is dry often for hours on end. Her body is ready.
In the morning after waking up she sometimes doesn't pee until during or after breakfast (usually within 20min upon waking). I ask her if she wants to pee first thing. I ask after breakfast. I ask after nap, before bath (pees in her bath often) answer is always the same "no thank you mama".
I've tried bribing with her favorite things like stickers and panties. Lolly's even when we still had them from Halloween (we don't normally keep candy candy in the house)
I've asked her if she would rather go on mommy and daddy's potty. I've also tried letting her play with a bowel of warm water while sitting on her potty, which worked one time. I've asked her if she wants to watch tv and sit on the potty instead of the bathroom. One time two weeks ago my husband told me he asked her after bath if she wanted to go naked for awhile or put a diaper on right away. Naked of course. Five minutes later she got him and told him she peed on the floor and went and sat on her potty after she showed him.
We've done books and videos. Are encouraging and the such but she will not do it.
She would never go for charts and the bribes don't work. And "your a big girl" deffinately doesn't work. Whenever I even say it I feel stupid because she just looks at me like I am stupid for even saying it.

So do I just keep waiting patiently (screaming inside) or does anyone else have anything, anything at all to suggest.
And it's not that I'm bothered to change her diaper, I don't care either way. It's just that I know she can do it and for the life of me I can't figure out the magic word to get her to go for it.

Thanks!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 2, 2012 at 2:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Ametrine
by on Jan. 2, 2012 at 7:38 PM

It's very frustrating, isn't it?  You know she is intelligent and you know she can control her pee/poop, but she still refuses to do the right thing in the right place.

Let me save you some hair-pulling.  Give it up.  I don't mean put away everything and put her back in full-time diapers, but give up asking her anymore about it. 

My son was just-turned-four when he was daytime trained.  Before that, we tried for a year to get him to go properly.  All the "tricks" didn't faze him, either.  I can't really tell you what made him decide to stay dry.  (He was dry simultaneously night and day within a week.)  It was like he just made up his mind that he wanted to wear undies full time and give up the pull-ups.  No magic...it was all in his timing.

Keep your floors clean by putting your Emma in pull-ups and just let her know that the toilet is available to her if she wants to use it.  All pressure/watching/suggestions, etc.  all "bye-bye".

That's the only thing I can think of to tell you. None of the books, websites, or group moms ever made any difference to our training, either.  Maybe it's because our kids are less suggestible/biddable than others? 

Hang in there. 

Abee2202
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2012 at 8:04 PM
We were given pull ups for Christmas. Do you really think they make a difference verses diapers in their thinking. I've put them on her twice and although she did notice they were different, the first one she promptly squated and peed and then went about her business not saying a word.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ldmrmom
by Group Admin on Jan. 3, 2012 at 10:41 AM

OH! I hated pull-ups. I found them very counterproductive. A pull-up seemed to convey that it was ok to use 'underwear-ish' attire for toileting needs. I found that pull-ups dragged out the process for both my kids. Anything that's removing the discomfort of cold, wet drawers fails to make the point. We stuck the bag in the back of the draw and used them only for bed time.

Honestly what it comes down to is this - you need to find her hot button. It's not the same for every child. Some children will appeal to the sticker chart or the prizes or the 'big girl' thing or the 'we'll call Grandma / Big Bird / Daddy.' thing.  Your job is to find what is going to excite her and then take full and complete advantage of it. ;)

For both my kids the magic button was preschool. With my son we had occasional success with the potty using stickers and prizes...but nothing worked well enough to say "yes, this is it. Bye-bye Pampers!"  Then we took a tour of the preschool we were planning on sending him too. He was 32 months old. He spent 45 minutes walking through the little school and getting himself in the middle of class activities. We told him before we got there for our tour that in order to attend that school he had to be wearing underwear full-time without accidents. The director (to whom we mentioned our potty training process lull) casually mentioned to me in Logan's ear shot that "students are required to be completely potty trained and out of diapers.  He also saw all the 3 and 4 year olds without the padded diaper butt. Before we left the building Logan tugged on my arm and said "Mommy, I'd like to use the potty please."  Within the week we were completely done with diapers.

My daughter knew all about preschool by 2 years old because she's 2 years younger than DS. Still, we took a tour for her the spring before she'd start. She asked to go on the tour in underwear. She happily kept them dry and never looked back. She was about 30 months old at the time.

That's what worked for them. It doesn't work that way for every child. The girl across the street from us really fought potty training. When she was 4 months shy of her 5th birthday her aunt came over to the house and said, "Kate, listen, you are just simply too big for this. We're done. I'm throwing out all the diapers in the house. I am not allowing your mother to buy more. You wear those underwear and if you get them wet, you deal with it." That was it. Kate was done and the underwear was clean.

Other kids have success going cold turkey at a younger age - just putting on the underwear and dealing with the cold, wet factor convinced them to figure it out quickly. Others, on the other hand, could care less.

There is no magic right way to potty train. There's simply the way that works for your kid and as frustrating as it is, the only way to figure that out is to trial and error variations.

(Have I mentioned that I do NOT miss that stage of childhood in the least. Ugh. Hated potty training. Hated. It.)


Abee2202
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2012 at 12:57 PM
Lol, I'm glad I didn't pay for the pull ups. We bought her training panties for when she's ready. I put them on her a few times but she could care less once she peed in them and went on her merry business.

Hot button....wish I could figure hers out. She's still too young for great motivation such as what you went thru with the preschool thing.

I didn't ask her this morning if she had to pee. It was hard not to as I've been asking her every morning for months. I will be patient (still screaming inside tho)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
utkallie
by on Jan. 4, 2012 at 5:13 PM

I would also just let it go. DD first pooped in the potty at 18 months so I thought we'd hit the jackpot. It was just a phase though and she stopped having much to do with the potty until after 2.5. One day she woke up and annouced she was going to wear panties and from then on she was offically potty trained. I did nothing but stand back and let her be the decision maker in the process. I think anytime before 3, that's the best course to take. Truthfully, diapers are easier than taking them to the potty when you are out.

DS could care less about the potty so I'm making no attempt at pushing it.

Abee2202
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2012 at 6:01 PM
I had a friend whose son Emma was playing with regularly just before Christmas. He is 20mo to Emma's 25mo. He was peeing in the potty. I was jealous at first a little. Then I realized she had to lead him to the potty all day long like every half hour. How annoying. I figure by the time she does decide to go, that she will just take herself. He couldn't even take his pants off yet or talk to tell her when he had to go. My older co-worker calls that "mother trained" lol. I've eased up. I don't ask her so much these past few days.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ametrine
by on Jan. 4, 2012 at 9:43 PM


Quoting Abee2202:

We were given pull ups for Christmas. Do you really think they make a difference verses diapers in their thinking. I've put them on her twice and although she did notice they were different, the first one she promptly squated and peed and then went about her business not saying a word.

Let's face it:  Pull-ups are diapers that kids can operate.  That's all.  If they choose to use them to pee/poop in instead of using them as "backup" to their efforts to make it to the toilet in time, so-be-it.  We used them as the next level of training.  It was a sort of psychological jump for my son to be told he wasn't wearing baby diapers anymore and had something more "big boy" on.  A motiviational tool, no more.

It's expensive to use them, but for me it was worth it.  When we first got rid of diapers, I had him in pull-ups day and night.  Then I eventually only put them on him if we were going out. (Over his undies)   He wore his undies at home (during the day initially) and it was "hit-or-miss" on whether he made it to the toilet in time.  Some days, when I just was fed-up with cleaning dirty undies, I slapped a pull-up on him instead.  It saved my sanity.  Since I was responsible (and still am) for him for 12+ hours a day, it was worth it to me to have them as a helper.


Ametrine
by on Jan. 4, 2012 at 9:50 PM

The "carrot" of preschool didn't work for our son.  We toured a preschool when he was just-turned-three and he pooped in his pull-up while we were talking with the director!  LoL  She was telling us how the kids all need to be toilet trained and how they don't help with anything more than snapping a difficult snap.  (They wouldn't even zip.  Weird, I know.)

We realized that our son was just a late trainer and to accepted that.  He fully day and night time trained a year later.

Quoting ldmrmom:

OH! I hated pull-ups. I found them very counterproductive. A pull-up seemed to convey that it was ok to use 'underwear-ish' attire for toileting needs. I found that pull-ups dragged out the process for both my kids. Anything that's removing the discomfort of cold, wet drawers fails to make the point. We stuck the bag in the back of the draw and used them only for bed time.

Honestly what it comes down to is this - you need to find her hot button. It's not the same for every child. Some children will appeal to the sticker chart or the prizes or the 'big girl' thing or the 'we'll call Grandma / Big Bird / Daddy.' thing.  Your job is to find what is going to excite her and then take full and complete advantage of it. ;)

For both my kids the magic button was preschool. With my son we had occasional success with the potty using stickers and prizes...but nothing worked well enough to say "yes, this is it. Bye-bye Pampers!"  Then we took a tour of the preschool we were planning on sending him too. He was 32 months old. He spent 45 minutes walking through the little school and getting himself in the middle of class activities. We told him before we got there for our tour that in order to attend that school he had to be wearing underwear full-time without accidents. The director (to whom we mentioned our potty training process lull) casually mentioned to me in Logan's ear shot that "students are required to be completely potty trained and out of diapers.  He also saw all the 3 and 4 year olds without the padded diaper butt. Before we left the building Logan tugged on my arm and said "Mommy, I'd like to use the potty please."  Within the week we were completely done with diapers.

My daughter knew all about preschool by 2 years old because she's 2 years younger than DS. Still, we took a tour for her the spring before she'd start. She asked to go on the tour in underwear. She happily kept them dry and never looked back. She was about 30 months old at the time.

That's what worked for them. It doesn't work that way for every child. The girl across the street from us really fought potty training. When she was 4 months shy of her 5th birthday her aunt came over to the house and said, "Kate, listen, you are just simply too big for this. We're done. I'm throwing out all the diapers in the house. I am not allowing your mother to buy more. You wear those underwear and if you get them wet, you deal with it." That was it. Kate was done and the underwear was clean.

Other kids have success going cold turkey at a younger age - just putting on the underwear and dealing with the cold, wet factor convinced them to figure it out quickly. Others, on the other hand, could care less.

There is no magic right way to potty train. There's simply the way that works for your kid and as frustrating as it is, the only way to figure that out is to trial and error variations.

(Have I mentioned that I do NOT miss that stage of childhood in the least. Ugh. Hated potty training. Hated. It.)



Ametrine
by on Jan. 4, 2012 at 9:53 PM

I remember setting our kitchen timer to go off every thirty minutes for hours at a time and taking DS in to go.  I was the one who felt trained!  LoL

Quoting Abee2202:

Lol, I'm glad I didn't pay for the pull ups. We bought her training panties for when she's ready. I put them on her a few times but she could care less once she peed in them and went on her merry business.

Hot button....wish I could figure hers out. She's still too young for great motivation such as what you went thru with the preschool thing.

I didn't ask her this morning if she had to pee. It was hard not to as I've been asking her every morning for months. I will be patient (still screaming inside tho)


mellomemama
by on Jan. 4, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I would just wait....be patient. i know it's hard!  I started trying to potty train DD a little bit when she was about 2.5.  She wouldn't go. She would just sit on the potty and.....NOTHIN.  She would flat out tell me she wasn't ready.  Then one Saturday morning she told me she was going to go potty. I said "OK" and just kind brushed it off. I was sure she was just going to go sit on the potty and not do anything.  To my surprise she actually went.....and never looked back. I can count on one hand the number of accidents she's had. Once she decided she was ready, that was it. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)