Question for the lesbian mommies...sensitive material

[BigMommaJesca]

When I'm alone, my imagination kind of runs rampant, so when I was taking a shower today, I was dreaming about my daughter, 10 years from now or so, telling me on a talk show that she was gay.  The moms whose kids had "come out" before the last commercial break had had a fit, but the only thought in my mind was "Oh no, are you sexually active?"  Besides the fact that I don't want my daughters having sex until they're 30 or so ANYWAY, I worry because they don't teach STD prevention for gay couples in school, and I imagine it's different.  I mean, you can't just have your girlfriend put on a condom.  Or for men, I know the condoms are more likely to break, so further caution is needed.  My question to you, then, ladies and lady-killers alike, is:  how do you protect yourself from STDs?  I know it's a personal question, and you can feel free to email me if you want to enlighten me, but don't want to discuss your bedroom-goings-on in public.  I just want to be sure to know this so I can better protect my children.

-Jess-

Celebrate Diversity! http://www.cafemom.com/group/celebratediversity

[jillluvzjordan]

i wish i could answer this for you... i am married i have been with my wife for so long that protection has never been necessary...but there are female condoms etc...but to me they are hardly helpful in a female/female situation....idk wat to tell u i say dont panic its just a dream and when the time comes have a good in depth talk with ur daughter i wish my mom had..

[MamiC]

This is definatly a hard question.  I am in a very commited relationship and she has never slept with anyone but me- so protection isnt really a question for us...however I do have female friends that are quite promiscuous.  My best friend is big on tests...before she sleeps with someone she makes sure to see a recent STD test- other than that I dont know...female condoms and such i dont really see helping too much.  All the more reason to really talk and explain that the only way to KNOW is to see that test!

[BigMommaJesca]

That's kind of what I was afraid of.  I don't think this will ever be an issue, as she's only 5 and ALREADY, she was complaining about her dark skin the other day, and when my husband asked what was wrong with it, she said "The boys don't like it."  Uuuuuuuuuugh.  But with 2 daughters in this society where not only are more people coming out, but also sexual activity is more rampant and starting earlier than ever before for gay and straight people alike, I want to keep informed...

That's a good idea about the STD tests...I always said I was going to do that with any men I might be with.  Fortunately, my stupidity at failing myself there didn't cost me anything, as my husband's (amazingly, the little slut) clean.

-Jess-

Celebrate Diversity! http://www.cafemom.com/group/celebratediversity

[qtmomof2]

My partner and I don't use protection. We are both aware of our past sexual history and we both get our yearly exams. I asked her if she knew of any protection for lesbians and she said dental dam.

I also googled it and this is what I found.

• Using barriers, such as dental dams, saran wrap, or slit open condoms, for oral-vaginal and oral-anal contact.
• Using gloves when inserting fingers into the vagina or rectum.
• Putting condoms on insertable sex toys and changing the condom for each partner.
  Note: Condoms should also be changed when moving a toy from the vagina to the rectum or vice versa.

[Shaay]

Jess, this is a great question.

I gre up in th San Fancisco area - we got more info in school than we knew what to do with. When I went to college, I packed both condoms and dental dams that had been provied by the school nurse! Sadly, this is no longer the case. It's wonderful that you see yourself - and not the school - as being resposible for sex ed.

HPV is a concern. If you are a vaccinatiing family, get more info about the HPV vaccine before your daughter becomes sexually active.  Barrier methods work for women, but both partners have to be really committed to using them. Especially since women need more barriers! A male / female couple may use one condom and consider it safe sex, while women together use 2 dental dams, 2 or more gloves and / or condoms if there are toys involved. Committing to using barrier methods every time takes a lot of education about risks.

There's a kid's book on sex ed called "It's Perfectly Normal" that presents gay and lesbian relationships as part of the normal spectrum for adult relationships. That sets you up well to talk about disease prevention and hygeine in any sexual relationship.

You are so funny! I have these type of vivid, what-if daydreams too - and in the most unlikely places and times! I think my husband has learned not to ask "what are you thinking about...."

~Shaay

[LittleSister88]

This is a very interesting topic. I think alot about my children, and when their sexuality may begin. For some of my sisters it began at 14. But I grew up in a family were the word sex was paired with the word marriage, and I was never taught about protection, just NOT TO DO IT OR ELSE.
Because of my upbringing, I dont quite know what I will tell my sons and/or daughters. I feel like sex is healthy, and good when you are with a man or women who loves you. I know alot of parents shield sex and nudity from their children like it is a terrible secret thing that they canNOT see. But I sort of feel like it should be normal for children to know their parents are intimate, and to not think of a penis or vagina as "weird or gross" simply because they have never seen one other than their own. Does anyone agree with me, or am I really gonna mess up my kids?
Sorry, I got off track a little.

[LesHug]

I agree with you sister!

Group owner of Raising Pubescent Girls
Proud member of......
Mothers Against Spanking
Celebrate Diversity

[drewmac4007]

that is a very interesting question.  considering that i am a lesbian i'm ashamed to say that i never thought about that either.  however, i have only been in three long term relationships.  i must add that just because you are in a long term relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't check each other out.  but, there are female condoms that can be used.  another method is when you meet someone, you can not only ask if you are free of any std's but before you engage in a sexual relationship both parties should get tested before any intimacy occurs.  i know that isn't always the case but i will have to do some additional research as well.

thanks for asking that incredable question.  I'm actually going to forward it to some friends and see what they say and get back to you.

[BigMommaJesca]

Quoting drewmac4007:

that is a very interesting question.  considering that i am a lesbian i'm ashamed to say that i never thought about that either.  however, i have only been in three long term relationships.  i must add that just because you are in a long term relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't check each other out.  but, there are female condoms that can be used.  another method is when you meet someone, you can not only ask if you are free of any std's but before you engage in a sexual relationship both parties should get tested before any intimacy occurs.  i know that isn't always the case but i will have to do some additional research as well.

thanks for asking that incredable question.  I'm actually going to forward it to some friends and see what they say and get back to you.

Thanks!  Let me know what you find out!

-Jess-

Celebrate Diversity! http://www.cafemom.com/group/celebratediversity

[HossanahFox]

Umm.. I've never been in a serious (read: long term) lesbian relationship, but considering I've had a bit of experience, I thought I'd offer my opinion.

I've used dental dams and Saran Wrap as well.  Mostly Saran Wrap, because it's easy to get, and almost every home has some.  It's also great because it doesn't contain latex, for those who might be allergic.  I've never heard of the slit condom idea though... 

Incidentally, these barriers are good for hetero oral sex too, if you aren't a fluid bonded couple (and who is when they're young?).

For hand play, it's a good idea to use a medical supply glove. I know it sounds weird, but disease can be transferred from genitals to a cut in the hand too.... also a good idea for straight sex.


The HPV vaccine is a fantastic idea for anyone! 

It's funny I've never given much thought to what will happen if my kids come out.  We are a bit of a liberal family, with myself and my husband both bi (my husband is closeted, I'm not) , a lesbian aunt, and three gay cousins... (It makes a hell of a family reunion, let me tell you that!)