Or really, anybody, since lots of different people can probably relate to this type of experience.
Have you guys ever had anyone come up to you and be super-nice to you, and you can tell it's just because you're gay (or insert your nonconformistry here), and they a) think it's cool to have gay friends or b) are afraid you feel left out (since people tend to do that) and want to go the extra mile to make sure you feel welcome? In either case, they're basically being nice to you just because you're "different."
I heard someone saying they did this when they saw that the interracial couple who put their kid in softball was being ostracized by most of the other parents, and wanted to show them that they weren't "all like that."
My question then, is: How does that make you feel? Grateful? Embarrassed? Annoyed? Feel free to go into explanation.
Ok, so at my kids' elementary school, I am definitely considered "the odd one out". The majority of the mothers there are fairly wealthy, and drive pretty nice rides, and wear designer clothes, shoes, and sunglasses. They're also, majority, in their forties... late thirties. At thirty-one, I am considered a "young mom". I live(d) in a teeny place, I have four kids very close in age, and most of these gals live in mini-mansions and have one or two kids. They wear designer threads, have rocks on their fingers instead of rings, and in general, stick together. Whenever I volunteer for field trips or school functions, they always greet me with that false cheery bright "Oh, Hiiiiiii!" and promptly ignore me there after. Not one of them remembers my name, and if they DO ask where I live, their eyes glaze over before I even answer. No biggie; honestly, I could care less. However, one mom ALWAYS goes out of her way to "extra" nice to me, and it's clear that it's because she doesn't want me to feel left out, or snubbed, or whatever it is she thinks I might be feeling. She knows where I live(d); she has even put in my name and number in the holiday charity drive, as she believes that because of our address, we are "disadvantaged". (So not the case; there are other reasons, too many to get into, as to why we live(d) there, will explain later)
At any rate, while I appreciate her efforts, it makes me feel a little... weird. It wouldn't be so bloody awkward if she hadn't gone and entered my family for the charity drive; I wish that she would have me asked me about our "situation" first. At first, I thought she was ok; maybe a little pushy, but her efforts seemed genuine and she was at least friendly to me. And she remembered my name. But the whole charity thing kinda turned me off to her, and I wish that she had just left well enough alone.
And for the record, we moved from our teeny place to a slightly larger place, but my kids will be going to the same school. At least, until we move to an even larger place, in late October or early November....
I can't remember a time when someone was my friend because it "was cool" or because they felt sorry for me. I do, however, know that there are people that our nice to our face and then talk in disgust behind our backs.... ugghh, fake people. I have to say, though, that there are genuine people out there that treat us well all around.
Well usually, especially in my coming out years they ostracized me. No one really even attempted a fakeness with me, I guess at that time I wish they had!
If a person is being genuine and really wants to make you feel comfortable it is nice. Do not be overly fake with me, I will only be turned off. I have enough fake and annoying people in my life.
Happy Mother's Day!
- BigMommaJesca
on Jul. 29, 2008 at 1:16 PM