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Throwing fits like a 2 year old

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:04 PM
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My dd is driving me nuts were just not sure what to do.  I had a ds 2 years ago things were great in the beginning.  She started acting out about a year ago nothing big everyone said your not spending enough one on one time.  So we started that when we couldn't one of her grandparents or aunts stepped in.  Know I have the biggest brat that I've seen.  She wants everything to revolve around her.  Her brother's getting older and she see him doing things she used to get to do by her self. ( going out to eat with grandparents, swimming taking lessons) these are just a few examples. So she throws a fit because he's going  She was punished from going to a b-day party because of her talking back just down right rude.  I had to take her to my moms or I would have hurt her.  She was throwing things, kicking walls, never done any of this before. She didn't go to the party but she stayed at my moms where she was chewed out for her behavior and lost Wii at their house.   The only thing we can think of is we let her get away with it before when everyone was giving their opinion now were standing our ground.  I can't stand to be around her right now.  She wants to take no responsibility for anything her rooms a mess she never wants to help.  Then she gets upset because her brother earning rewardsbecause he listens and helps out.  I CAN'T WIN!!   She doesn't have ADHD never had a problem before this she a straight A student and does wonderful at school very respectful.  Also my son has Sensory Issues as well as language delay she doesn't understand his disability nor does she really care.  He has therapy 3 times week every other week.  This makes her mad to because she never got to see a OT or a speech therapy's not that she needed one.  I really don't know what to do with her.  Right know we been letting her throw fits in her room but get real she 8 not 2.  I don't know what to do!!!  We take things away we have a schedule what else works? Sorry so long thins turned into a vent. 

Lynn&Thomasmommy

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:04 PM
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mumma28
by on Jun. 12, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    Well, I'm new to this group, but I think I know what to tell you about this situation. My 8 year old son has been the same way since about 1st grade. He actually has improved quite a bit, he is no longer throwing tantrums, he still has a bit of defiance (maybe it's a little space cadetism) but he has started helping around the house and doing better in school. Recently, (Oct) I has a baby girl, and we thought maybe he wasn't used to the attention he missed and she got, but I know he's not jealous of his sister, just wants extra attention from mom, maybe even stepdad. He was diagnosed earlier this year with Aspergers ( a high functioning form of autism), then the diagnosis was revoked. Up until last year, we lived with my mother, father, and two sisters most of his life, and to be honest, they (and combined with them, I) was not the best role models for him as far as social function is concerned. They all have short tempers, and a low tolerence for children (since I was little). My mom also used to babysit him while I was at work ( I was then  a single mom). Since we moved out of there, he has improved, because now I dont have anyone contradicting my discipline, or parenting values and skills.

It's a mixed blessing having your family care for your child because either they think you (not having as much experience as they) dont know what youre doing and constantly give advice in front of your child that makes you seem less respectable in your child's eyes. Maybe there's too many people disciplining your daughter, and even if youre all on the same page, a child gets confused. As far as with your boy with disibilities, it's just like bringing a new baby to the household. Your child might understand that her brother needs special attention, and more appointments, and that he keeps u busier than usual, but what she doesn't understand is why can't she still get the same amount and why does she have to wait to do what she wants until her brother is settled in somewhere.

You said you gave her special alone time with you and her father( correct me if I'm wrong about the father part) was your son with you? Maybe you could get someone to watch your son while you and her dad take her somewhere she picks out, even if it is as simple as a picnic in the park. Believe me I thought playing a game with my son, or just taking him to the park was enough, but there has to be something everyday. Not to mention seperate activities with just mom and just dad and her.

One more thing, maybe something is happening at school that no one knows about but your child. My son was having problems making friends at school and didnt think to tell me for whatever reason until I asked him specifically. Questions like: do other kids make fun of you? Do they let you play with them? Are they saying things like "go away"? Sometimes the teacher points a child out and creates an outcast situation without realizing it, like my son's first grade teacher and principal did. Together they made him a target for bullies and jerk kids.

My son's therapist said that it's normal for kids to revert back to 2 yr old behaviors, when their big kid status is threatened. It's a phase that will go away with proper love and understanding from you. By the way you did rant a little which didnt leave room for alot of information to interpret, it's ok because sometimes My son makes me want to pull out my hair, too. I have to tell myself that maybe I'm expecting too much, because I'm an adult and he's a kid and I know he's about as smart as me, he just doesn't always know what  to do with his emotions, and I think that's your daughter's problem. You have to teach her better ways to dal with anger and jealousy, and whatever else she may be feeling. Offer her alternatives like counting to ten, using her words, or writing down her thoughts. It'll work out.I hope This made sense and it helped.

 

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