I'm new to CafeMom and this is my first post. Let me see if I can sum up my recent situation concisely. My husband had been living a 2nd life online (he was supposedly a widower whose wife had commit suicide from post partum depression, he was a single dad and was going through chemo... none of it true). He did this for about a year and a half out of our 4+ year marriage (we were HS sweethearts, married in 2002 once we completed college). I found out about all of this in November 2006. He left when it 'hit the fan'. He had been fairly emotionally absent for most of our relationship, but it was more about who he was than about having a problem. Little did we know. He left on Nov. 8th and by Thanksgiving he got a woman that he works with pregnant. They're still together and just had their baby about a week ago. She's in her 40s, he and I are late 20s. He has been diagnosed bipolar and has been suicidal and unstable. He's better now, but I'm so glad I've been released from his life. He and I were officially divorced in April of this year.
Ok, so since it was such a bomb, I felt like I got hit hard and then moved on fairly quickly. I was a stay-at-home mom and totally oblivious to his issues. I think that made it easy for me to let of ANY responsibility for the downfall of my marriage. I've reflected and realize that I was not a perfect wife, but by no means did I deserve his junk.
I actually dated a man (older) for 6 months. I just broke up with him last week because he was getting too serious for me and actually was starting to display some anger issues and other mental health concerns! Been there, done that! No thanks right now. We're still in contact...
OK, so here's the thing-- I want to date again! I feel like I need to take time for myself, but I don't want to! I want to have male companionship. Does that make me weak? I've been so strong for my kids through all of this, I know that. I'm very independent, strong-willed (read: stubborn), intelligent and easy-going. I know the kids and I will be okay, no matter what....
BUT how come I can't be alone??? Should I force myself to be alone???
Time to read up on the other posts... Thanks for reading!!