How do I balance this out?

[KnKsMama78]

My 9 year old is great in school. Everything comes easily for him, he makes 110's on every spelling test, A's on everything. Kyrsten struggles. She studies hard, all week long, knows how to spell the words, then rarely makes more than a C on a spelling test. Math is hard for her to catch onto. She's been tested, though, and has no learning disabilites. It has become a self-esteem issue for her.








My question is, how do I balance this out? How do I praise Kaine and his perfect grade, hang that 110 on the fridge, keep him motivated and inspired to continue with his great grades, but at the same time, not make Kyrsten feel bad about her grades? She knows I'm proud of her, I praise her when she brings home good grades, I hang her art and she knows I treasure it. I encourage her to try her best, and assure her that eventually, these things she has a hard time with will become second nature. Basically, I don't want to short change Kaine, but I don't want to hurt Kyrsten. Any ideas?

[jodia001]

Make sure you praise Krysten for all of her accomplishments, not just school. Let her know that not everyone is great at everything & that's okay.

Have you had her eyes checked? If she isn't seeing well, that could be part of the problem. Or maybe she is the type that just doesn't test well. When I was in banking, I trained an employee that knew what she was doing. She was smart & caught on quickly & should have been able to pass the teller test with out attending the classes, yet she failed the test 3 times. 6 years later, she is working in corporate, but still has trouble with tests.

You might also want to check out a tutoring center like Sylvan. From what I have heard they not only tutor the course work but also teach study skills.

[zpsemommy]

We are wondering about this, too. Maybe emphasize that they do their best more than the actual score or grade.

My brother was really smart and was always really popular and great at sports, etc., but had terrible grades. He would struggle to get through it. I barely had to think and would sail through on the honor roll, though. He resented that I didn't work hard, and I resented that he was so great at everything else. We eventually learned that he was severly ADHD, and had mild dyslexia, but he graduated college with high scores and had a great work ethic.

My older daughter is like me, but when she doesn't "get" something right away, she goes into a tailspin. If you figure it out, be sure to let me know, too!

Love, Lexa 

Check out my new group!

Moms Mentoring Younger Moms

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[MommaTLC]

My youngest daughter has test anxiety. It's very hard to overcome. She will study her little heart out, know the material and then do poorly on the test. We took her to get her eyes checked and sure enough, she needed glasses. That helped with some things but not the test taking part.

What we noticed when we got her tests back is often she would have the correct answer circled at first. Then she would stress over it and change her answer. I know this sounds silly but talk to your daughter and see if she feels that way. We told ours that your first instinct is usually the correct one. She's gone from low C's and D's to A's and B's...go figure?

There again, it may be your daughters talents lie elsewhere. Like in her art. I have one that is like that too....lol We just focused on that for positive reinforcement and helped her as best we could to get her through school.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts". ~ Winston Churchill

[stefanierios]

I also learned at an early age that your first instinct is usually correct.  I was always in honors classes and I never studied.  I slept through most classes in high school, and did my homework 5 min. before class started b/c I just learned to trust myself and use common sense. 
Talk to her about trying something new where she goes w/ her first instinct on a test.  Also, practice w/ her at home taking practice tests and maybe try to lighten the mood.  She may need a boost in her self-confidence, so show her that her 1st instinct is right and praise her for using it.
Also, grades aren't everything.  Not everyone has to get on the conveyor belt through school, college, career, etc...  If she can just make it through, maybe she can focus on what she is really good at and do that in life.  My hs diploma and 2yr. degree don't really do me any good anyhow seeing as though my main job is being a maid and caretaker to 1 man and 2 kids...

[yogapantz]

Somewhere I have some info on studying for tests.  It's in a college study skills book, but it's mostly just good common sense stuff that can be used as is or adapted for Kyrsten's needs.  I will PM it to you and any websites that have the same info.

[KathieSu]

My daughter was like that too, she studied so hard, for that matter she gave 110 percent at school in everything, but you couldn't tell it by her grades.  I just made sure that she understood that as long as she tried her hardest, that was good enough for me and should be for her.  No one can give more than that.  I agree with the others, make sure she knows that not everyone is good at everything but that doesn't make her a bad person.

Tutoring is not a bad idea either.  Some studying techniques would probably help, but it does sound like she has test anxiety, my daughter did. 

Good luck and hang in there, grades don't make the person.

[Love_my_babyboy]

I have a child on every part of the spectrum too. My oldest score a 2100 on his SATS. never studied a day in his life. Hes on the national honor society and rarely brings home a grade lower than a 98. My oldest daughter is great in everything but math. she fails it horribly. Shes got major self esteem issues over it. My other son is great in everything but reading. he hates it. My other daughter was in special ed do to hearing problems she had when she was younger which caused her to be delayed. Today shes a "B" student in regular classes. Kids are all different.

Sometimes, my older son will help my older daughter with her math... it makes him feel good to be helping out and makes him feel proud to be able to teach her and help her to understand..  My younger daughter, when my older son is unhappy or sad for some reason will walk over to him and help him out by trying to get him to open up and talk about it.

When my son who doesnt like to read needs help with something, one of my other kids might pull up a chair next to him and say "lets see what we can find out on the net" and tries to help him out that way. and the one who is helping might not even know anything about the subject! but they learn together, and its on an even kid to kid level... they both end up feeling as though they helped one another and learned something together.

I would enlist your son to help out your daughter. Maybe, as an example,  his math teacher may have taught him to do that same problem a different way and explain it to her the way he was taught ... then she might understand better and at the same time he'd be feeling good about himself for helping her out.. then when your son needs help, with say a life problem about a friend or pet or whatever you can enlist your daughter to help him...

hope this helps!