Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Explaining to my daughter

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2008 at 12:10 PM
  • 8 Replies
  • 593 Total Views
My daughter's father is Latino and I am white. He is not involved. Neither is his family. I'm a little worried about how I'm going to explain to her why she looks different. Even more so how how I'm going to give her a sense of half her ancestry. It's not really a problem now (she's six months old) but as she grows I worry that she will feel like an "outsider." I know that if her dad was white and not around I would have some of the same concerns. My family loves her but, my 5 year old niece is already asking why Sophia is "brown" and I worry about how to answer her. I don't know if it will become more of an issue. Maybe someone with older children could give me some advice?
sophia'smom
by on Mar. 10, 2008 at 12:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
Necie72
by on Mar. 18, 2008 at 12:54 PM
I think you can tell kids that God just kept her in the sun a little longer than them...  :-)  As she gets older, you can just explain that she takes after her father.  Let her know that she is beautfiul and that's what's most important, that she's beautiful on the outside and the inside.  I have biracial nephews and one niece.  The one nephew asked why his sister was White compared to him, and he asked my SIL if they were mixed (a term my brother hates).  My SIL just explained that she would get darker like him as she got older (so far, she hasn't) but that they were biracial and that she took more after mommy than daddy...  They really don't seem to care about it, just that they are happy and loved.  I'm TTC with a Greek guy, so I will probably have to explain to my child that they take after daddy (I have a feeling the child will be more White because of my family background).

I think they care less about their color when they get older as long as they are loved.  Don't worry about any teasing or being an "outsider" because kids will ALWAYS find something to tease or torment about no matter what....

IMO, biracial kids are teased moreso because of jealousy than anything else...
shawnzmama727
by New Member on Mar. 27, 2008 at 9:56 AM
I HEAR ya....I have no advice, only support. My son is 8 months old. I'm white and his father is black. Shawn is getting darker n darker with every passing day. People always complement his "beautiful complexion". I just try to laugh and go without giving any explanation. But as he gets older it becomes apparent that he is mixed. My son's father and his family aren't in the picture and I feel a lot of stress about how my little one will feel in a white world, since clearly he will look different. It's important to me that he learn about all of his heritage....how that's going to happen, I haven't figured out yet.

I just try to remember that it's all about me and him. And whichever side my son identifies more with is fine by me.
cristianandtom
by New Member on Apr. 15, 2008 at 12:27 PM
my sons are both bi racial, their dads are mexican. I've had very few comments about that. mostly you'll find that people compliment you on how beautiful  they are or how they have such a beautiful skin tone. Only uneducated idiots make rude comments. Ignore them and revel in the fact that you have a beautiful baby! Erica
ms_davis
by on Apr. 15, 2008 at 7:56 PM
My daughter is 16.  Her father is black and I'm white.  Although he's not very involved his family is.  I don't have any family.  When nichole was little, we taught her that her dad is black and her mom is white so she's black and she's white, which is why her skin is lighter than her dad's, but darker than her mom's.  Just be honest with her, and also teach your niece, and as long as your daughter isn't made to feel that being part Latino is something to be ashamed of,  she'll be ok.
MissA.J.
by New Member on May. 6, 2008 at 9:01 AM

My daughter, who is mixed with black/white/native american has always had questions and faced issues about her race.  It really does depend on where you live and how progressive the area is.  For us, I've told her that God created all the colors of the rainbow and Humans come in all different colors too.  Just the other day when I was picking her up from the rec center (she's 7), she announced that her mommy was here (i'm white), and then she quietly added that her dad is black...she was talking to some new black friends.  That just goes to show that she still is processing her shade, and I explained to her that she owes noone an explanation of why she's lighter or darker.  Her daddy is not involved eiter, but in the culturally diverse area that we live we have both white and black friends, many with mixed kids....get in where you fit in LOL  Anyway, I could go on forever about this topic.  Your baby is beautiful...just focus on that for now.

partynabrownbag
by New Member on May. 12, 2008 at 12:49 AM
I had to explain to my three year old the other day why I am "tan" and she is brown.  I am white and her father is black (I'm pretty pale and he is pretty dark skinned).  I explained to her that she is made from both him and me and thus her skin is a color in between.  She knows that when you mix red and blue you get purple, etc., so it made sense to her. 
She does seem to wish for blond hair, always picks fair dolls, etc. and that worries me.  I tell her everyday, along with random people in stores and everyone that knows her that she is gorgeous, but she already seems to have some issues with being "brown."  This only started during preschool, so I can't help to wonder what the other children say to her.
Erin
ms_davis
by on May. 12, 2008 at 11:41 PM

Quoting partynabrownbag:

I had to explain to my three year old the other day why I am "tan" and she is brown.  I am white and her father is black (I'm pretty pale and he is pretty dark skinned).  I explained to her that she is made from both him and me and thus her skin is a color in between.  She knows that when you mix red and blue you get purple, etc., so it made sense to her. 
She does seem to wish for blond hair, always picks fair dolls, etc. and that worries me.  I tell her everyday, along with random people in stores and everyone that knows her that she is gorgeous, but she already seems to have some issues with being "brown."  This only started during preschool, so I can't help to wonder what the other children say to her.
Erin
Maybe you can talk to her teacher.  It's possible that the stories they're reading are all showing blond hair.  See if the teacher reads multi-cultural books and if not, if she (or he, never know) would be open to it.  If so, pick up a couple.  That might help.
Sissyandty
by New Member on May. 14, 2008 at 7:07 AM
We as parents of bi-racial children have to be stronger than most. Both of my children are bi-racial me being white and their father being black. I am lucky in that his family still plays a small role in my children’s lives even if he does not.

It is hard to endure what a bi-racial child has to experience. From the taunting and teasing and the not fitting in. The not fitting in with other white children because they are not white enough and the not fitting in with black children because they are not black enough and so on. Once you are a parent of a bi-racial child you really see prejudice at its finest.

Always remember though children are oh so smart and the one thing you never want to do is skirt the issue or lie to them. Be honest with your children when they begin asking questions. Let them know they are bi-racial and what their background heritages are.

My children now are 10 and 14. It has been a tough road especially middle school, but with persistence and encouragement your child will pull through. They have to be made to understand that it is ok to be different and instill in them the value of being happy with their selves above all.

Go to your public library and read up on the other parent’s heritage.

The following is a good book for parents of Biracial children:
I'm Chocolate You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World       by Marguerite A. Wright

A good book for the 2nd to 6th grade age group is:
Growing Up Biracial, Trevor's Story    by: Bethany Kandel

Enjoy your children and raise them not to be blind but to recognize ignorance and be able to rise above it.

Sissyandty

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)