Depressed Husband

[kmm250]

Hi!  I really need to vent and talk to other moms going through the same thing that I am.  Up until Jan/Feb my husband never had any phsyciatric problems.  He held a job, was a hard worker and a good provider.  We had our issues and he could be very mean but I never worried about his ability to work.  In February we had our 3rd child and he had a physcotic epidsode in the delivery room where security had to be called and he had to be sedated in the emergency room.  I was shocked and could not understand how this could have happened.  We were also in the process of buying a new house.  He progressively got better and all seemed to be returning to somewhat normal.  Then in the same two week period his job became extremely stressful, we had to move because we sold our house but we hadn't closed on our new house yet so we had to move to a temporary apartment.  When this all happened at the same time he became clinically depressed.  He could get up and go to work but he is a mess and at home he just lies around.  Now we have closed on our new house.  I have been cleaning it up and working to get it ready to move into.  I also have a very stressful job and 3 kids.  He does nothing.  He sits around at the new house and watches me, he complains that he has to mow the lawn and he does NOTHING at work.  I can handle him doing nothing at home but I know that inevitably he is going to lose his job.  We cannot afford this new house if he loses his income.  I would have to go to full time hours but it still wouldn't be enough.  I feel like I am going to collapse from the exhaustion of taking care of everything and then not sleeping because of the stress.  I feel like I'm doing all this work for nothing because in a few months I'm going to have to pack up us all up again because we won't be able to keep the house.  I don't know how we ended up here.  To this point we have provided a stable home for our kids and now I feel like their future stability and home is in jeopardy.  I never wanted this for my kids and I don't know how I am going to do this by myself.  I don't know how I can stay with him if he is not contributing anything.  I don't know how this happened.

[lunakat24_7]

I know how you feel. My husband and I have two beautiful little girls who are 4 and 5. Over the past 3 months he has had a nervous breakdown so bad that he wants to kill himself. Everyday he tries to plan a new way. This whole thing  that started his nervous breakdown is his mother. She was supposed to have a court hearing and my hubby was a witness. He had a broken car and couldn't make it to the court. His mom called him and said everyone else is here but you thanks a lot. He tried to tell her that the car was broken and he couldn't fix it in the rain very well. She flipped out and hung up on him. She didn't talk to him for about 3 months. Whenever she would come over to pick up our kids she would either wait outside, come in so quickly and if my kids were in pj she whould  say to them get dressed you F****in b***erds. Or she would send my sister in law to get them. She also sent my brother in law who was visiting from Tuscon to come down here and tell my hubby that she wanted to make up and that she wanted an apology. Se had all of his brothers and sister against him.  Then she walks through the door on Saturday and goes up to him and says whatever problem we have its done. we're fine. I've left left my boyfriend and I have some place to live( she didn't tell him where just bragged about what it was). Then she leaned over and gave him a hug and said I love you. He was so pissed off. He was saying that my mom hasn't been there for me since birth and growing up she never listened or cared about him. She even locked him in a crazy house when he was 12 because of something that his sister did when she was little ( hubby was taking care of her, because his parents were getting high, he made her food drinks and put a little salt in the drink and on the sandwich because she loved salt. When he turns his back 2 year old sister goes and pours the whole thing of salt into her drink, starts drinking it and starts to choke. His parents come running out and blame him for her turning purple, and he was locked up for months where he was sexually abused and tons of other things. His mom never believed any of what happened in there. And now his 18 year old sister laughs whenever he talks about it!).This whole thing that happed on saturday caused him to have a severe breakdown and then a fight between us.

His mom always has his little brother and sister's back, but never his, she even brags how amazing those two are and talks crap about him behind her back. He did everything for her, lent her money, got her food, and fixed anything she asked. She never paid back the money(1200+) and never said thank you. So she came over yesterday expecting to borrow movies from us, she and my s-i-l go into my girls room to say hi and that they can come over as soon as they are done unpacking. An my girls tell them that mommy and daddy don't want you to see us any more. She freaks out and as my hubby walks into their room., she says you don't want me to see my grand kids anymore. He says right on cue no I don't. She and my s-i-l leave the room, and head towards the door, and my soon to be b-i-l asks aren't we going to borrow any movies? And she says no we're fine and my s-i-l drags him out the door. My hubby says he is okay after that but I don't think he really is. And it brings me to tears whenever he talks about suicide, if it happens what am I supposed to tell the girls when they ask where is daddy or when is daddy coming home? What am I supposed to do period? It's not like I really have any where to go, and I don 't want to leave him because I love him, it gives me nightmares. I guess I sort of know how this happened but I don't know how it got this bad. So I guess you and I are kina  in the same boat,to an extent. Hugs and good luck, I guess we are all seriously confused.

[emore626]

 It has been a few months since you posted this..how are things going??

[kmm250]

I posted this original post during the absolute worst time of my life.   What happened after this is really a miracle.  As I expected would happen, my husband's physciatrist wanted to have him hospitalized but he refused.  He did agree to go on disability for a few months to recover.  He was off of work for 3 months and slowly returned the person I had always know but he was still not 100%.  He went back to work in September and was given a new position that was great for him.  He survived a lay off the following March and then in June began interviewing for a job at a new company.  He had wanted to get into this company for a while and there had been a position open when he was sick.  Amazingly, that same position became open again almost a year later when the person that had been hired was fired.  He got the job and that is when I saw him really return to that person I had met and fell in love with so many years earlier.  He is vigilant about taking his medication because it's the only way he will stay well.  We feel very blessed after being at the lowest point of our lives almost two years ago.  Exactly 2 years ago I was 9 months pregnant and was about to find out just how sick my husband was.  Today our little girl will be 2 in a few days and life is so much happier. 

[emore626]

 I'm happy to hear things are better. I hope all is still well with you and DH.