I have acquired some baby things for the next time we TTC but it makes me sad because Magan will never use them. I can imagine wrapping up a new baby in the blankets and being happy and proud of a new baby. Whenever I think about the future I desperately want more children, but I always feel an underlying pain each time. I get depressed because hubby won't talk about the future at all and when I jokingly asked him when he was going to give me more babies he shrugged me off. Before we know it 2 years will be knocking on the door and I will still have an empty cradle. It just seems so unfair. After going to school and learning more about the development of babies I found out my daughter's death was undeniably due to chromosomal defects and I know nothing could have changed that, but it still breaks my heart. When I got Magan's picture and blanket from the hospital out of storage and put it in my closet my hubby said that I didn't need to have it because all it was going to do was bring me pain. I just feel better knowing a little piece of her is here with me. I do not get it out except when I am alone and I really miss her. I have moved so much further in my life since she has been gone and it comforts me to know she really was real.