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Guilt & Blues make a lousy cocktail

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 5:46 PM
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I have acquired some baby things for the next time we TTC but it makes me sad because Magan will never use them. I can imagine wrapping up a new baby in the blankets and being happy and proud of a new baby. Whenever I think about the future I desperately want more children, but I always feel an underlying pain each time. I get depressed because hubby won't talk about the future at all and when I jokingly asked him when he was going to give me more babies he shrugged me off. Before we know it 2 years will be knocking on the door and I will still have an empty cradle. It just seems so unfair. After going to school and learning more about the development of babies I found out my daughter's death was undeniably due to chromosomal defects and I know nothing could have changed that, but it still breaks my heart. When I got Magan's picture and blanket from the hospital out of storage and put it in my closet my hubby said that I didn't need to have it because all it was going to do was bring me pain. I just feel better knowing a little piece of her is here with me. I do not get it out except when I am alone and I really miss her. I have moved so much further in my life since she has been gone and it comforts me to know she really was real.

      

by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 5:46 PM
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vannysmom
by New Member on Aug. 18, 2009 at 11:58 PM

I lost my son 2mths ago, he was still born at 35 wks and had down syndrome which is a chromosome problem too.  No one can tell you how to greive or how long you should or what you need or don't need to comfort you.  Do what you feel is best to comfort yourself and don't worry about anyone else. I carry my son's photos with me in my purse all the time.  It makes me feel that he is with me and gives me comfort cuz I can take them out and look at him any time I want.  You have to deal with it in your own way and if it gives you comfort to keep her things near, then so be it.  I'm so sorry for your loss and hope God eases your pain.

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