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self harming 3 year old kinda long but im DESPERATE(piog)

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2010 at 10:14 PM
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Ok ladies this is proabably going to be long and I am sorry, for those of you who can bare through it and give me advice though I am so grateful to. 

So my DD is 3 years old she will be 4 in March. She is an amazing little girl, extremely bright. She actually just had a well child check today and her doctor was amazed at how advanced she is. She has awesome speech, she is just all around bright for her age. She has struggled through so delays with her body, she is small for her age and was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at 1. They are however re checking that diagnosis to make sure it was accurate. Anyway what has been concerning me recently is her behavior. See me and her father are no longer together havent been for quite some time. We are unfortunatly in the process of a custody battle, I dont feel he is stable enough to raise a child full time. That in itself it a very long and different story though. So DD primarly resides in my custody right now. She sees her father every other weekend and on Tue and Thur he picks her up from daycare after 1:00 and has her until I get off work. So she goes to him everyother weekend and every time she comes home it is a new set of problems. She almost always comes home with some sort of odd bruise on her body, but when I question her about it she is hesitant to talk with me. In fact she is all around hesitant to tell me what goes on over there at all. When I do get answers out of her its either that another kid, usually her cousin, and her got in a fight and no one stopped it til they had bruises or her dad did it. Now I have turned this stuff in to the courts but like i said we are in the middle of the custody battle. So she almost always comes home with bruises and when she comes home its like she has gone back 5 steps in whatever we have been working with her on. I am currently in a relationship with DF who is amazing to DD. Treats her just like his own, and we are pregnant with her first sibling which she is responding well to.  She is super excited to be having a baby brother and talks about it all the time. Anyway these past two times she has come back from her dads have been the worst. First started the night problems, she now REFUSES to sleep in her own bed. She states she is scared and wants in mine, she also says at daddys house she sleeps all night with him in his bed cuz her room is to messy. So then after we get her to sleep and get her in her room I go to bed and every night between 2:00 am and 3:00 she wakes up and comes to my room and is ready to start her day. She wants breakfast and a cartoon and to get dressed and just be up and ready, she has never done that she has always slept through the night.  Now i did talk with her dr. about this today and i am going to do some monitering to see what is causing her to wake up. Wether it be night terrors or sleep apnea or if she is just waking up by herself, but its not like her at all. I have tried putting her to bed later making sure she eats more before bed everything i can think of but it still never fails she is up and ready to go. So DD came back from her dads this last weekend with a whole new attitude, she has begun beating the crap out of herself when she gets mad. Now I have noticed this a little before like the last time she got back. But i calmed it down pretty quick and within a day or two she wasnt doing it anymore. THis time is different though she way more self destructive, in the last two days when she has gotten mad she has scratched her face HARD. Hits herself in the head and tries to pull out her own hair. She just startes hurting herself and screaming as loud as she can. This morning DF was brushing her hair and she got mad at the fact that she had tangles and just started smacking herself repeatedly in the face.  Then when we got home she got upset at picking up her toys and literally beat herself. Pulled her hair, scratched at her face and eyes, hit herself all over bit her lip as hard as she could. She just screamed the whole time too. She would not calm down i had to physically hold her down and make her stop then sit her by herself to calm down!! She really scared me to death and seems every time she has one of these "self harming attacks" they just get worse. She wont tell me whats causing it but she only does it after she comes back from dads. I dont know what is going on in that house i do know its not appropriate  living for a 3 year old though but unfortuantly i have done as much as i can at this moment to keep her out of that enviorment as offten as possible! I just have this gut feeling something is happening there to make her come home with such odd and scary behavior. Now i have got ahold of a mental health counsler who speacializes in play therapy that i plan to set her up with but i am still concerned on what to do and how to help her understand that is not ok.  When i tell her its ok to be mad but not hurt yourself she just gets more upset and says its not ok to be mad....Im at a loss and i am scared for my daughter! ANy suggestions on how to help her what to do or where to go would be an imense help! Thank you so much for getting through this and i hope it all made sense! Again thank you!

by on Nov. 8, 2010 at 10:14 PM
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nandiebaby
by on Dec. 12, 2010 at 2:10 PM

you need documents like video of her with you good behavior then her going to "dads" and video of her right when she gets back and through out your time til she goes back. if your in a custody battle and hes not stable, well thats just your opinion, and harder to prove til you have evidence. talk to your daughter more play with her and show her that it is okay to talk to mom because mom will help her, video whatever she confesses to you, but once she says it and its recorded dont remind her, just comfort her. ask her on tape what "dads" place is like, why is her room so messy if she rarely there anyway?? pictures of all the bruises and marks adn date them in the pic with a paper, evidence evidence otherwise its he said she said b s....... good luck ill be praying for your dd

nandiebaby
by on Dec. 12, 2010 at 2:14 PM

oh and dont confort "dad" about what she tells you, there could be consequences for her doing that,you take that for the courts. you may want to ask if if she gets in trouble with him, and if she feels like he will be mad if she talks to mom? video what ever she says. 

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