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Just Curious . . .

Posted by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 12:22 PM
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Was anyone adopted by a family that should not have been allowed to adopt children? Just curious. Thought I'd ask.

Kitty  =^..^=
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 12:22 PM
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adopteeme
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 6:05 PM

Quote:

Was anyone adopted by a family that should not have been allowed to adopt children? Just curious. Thought I'd ask.

Kitty  =^..^=

 

My adoptors would have been better able to parent, IF they had worked thru their infertility issues......

Them wanting/needing "real" kids was a very hard thing to live up to in my family. 

I "wish" they had been screened better thru agency and homestudy.
KittyMallory
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 3:51 AM
My father wanted me. My mother only wanted me because he did. I was emotionally abused by her and still am today. She has three children by her first husband - all 20+ years older than me. And they all have emotional problems. I'm just the only one that admits it and tries to get help. But I have always been an outsider. My mother made sure of that. I mean, a child can tell when they aren't really wanted and I think I reacted to that. And everything was my fault too. Plus my mother thought I was a child from an affair of my father's. I was from an affair, but not one of his . . . I met both of my birth parents after I learned for a fact I was adopted and that wasn't until I was 28.

I mean, to say I wish things were different is true, but in the same respect, I woudn't have my friends or my kids, but I have never gotten over my mother's treatment of me. I will never be good enough for her to accept and love me. She should have never been allowed to adopt a child.
adopteeme
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 6:21 AM

Quoting KittyMallory:

 after I learned for a fact I was adopted and that wasn't until I was 28.



(((((((((kitty))))))))))

I'm sorry you were given the loving giftof adoption within such a family. Frown

Not telling you until you were 28 seems criminal, too.   Shame on them!!

How  did you find out at such a late age?   Did you always suspect it??

Did you share the details of your life with your Original parents?   

I've given my  mom bits and pieces of  my story, but not all the ugly details.  (I am free of my adoptive parents -   they are deceased, and I've cut contact with the rest of the  afamily.)
  But,   I have a feeling that sharing ALL the details of my adoptive life with my Original Mom would only make her feel bad.  I mean, she had every intent in the world to make SURE I had a BETTER life than what she could provide.

The agency and social workers, everyone- promised her I'd have a "BETTER" life.  Imagine finding out that just wasn't so  sigh

They  LIED- it was a crap shoot gamble!!!!!  

KittyMallory
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 4:14 PM

Well, my mother insists that she told me once I was adopted and she described my reaction as something I would definitely do. She said I was about 8 when she told me, which would fit right into the time I had a friend in the foster care system whose family that was looking into adopting her, changed their mind and sent her away. They had the nerve to call me the following Sunday and ask me if I wanted to go to church with them . . . Anyway, knowing my mother's wonderful sense of timing, or maybe she did it intentionally, she told me I was adopted, I guess. Anyway, I flipped out according to her. Told them they were lying to me and whatever. I don't know. I don't remember. But I am thinking that once my friend got sent away, I thought maybe if these weren't my real parents they would send me away for being bad and my mother definitely made sure I knew I was bad. She told me it was at that point they decided never to tell me. . . .


Okay but then I started asking if I was when I was 11. If I was asking, I was ready to know. And I asked over and over over the years. I also thought I was my father's but not my mothers because I did have some traits like his. In fact, the rumor in the family was that I was from an affair of his. The last time I asked was when I was 21-22 and pregnant with my son. My mother told me of this woman that was disabled and not being able to provide me with a good home for gave me to them . . . then after telling me this elaborate tale, she told me she was pulling my leg. At that point, I dropped it figuring why would she lie to be at this point . . . I was an adult. I was pregnant . . .


So zoom to 1998 . . . My Ex and I with our two kids were house-sitting for my parents when they went to Las Vegas. My brother's lawyer girl-friend stopped by and said that she was leaving their living trust she'd just drawn up on the dining room table and to make sure they got it. Well, I was curious. Not that I cared who was getting what, but how a living trust is set out. I figured at the time I was married and I needed to think about something like that. So I decided to go read it to see if I could figure out the layout and how difficult it was and such.


Well, the first section was all about what a living trust was, which was exactly what I wanted to know. When I flipped to the next section, it was the living trust. It was then I saw my name in the very first paragraph without actually reading and it listed me as an Adult Adopted Child. I was suddenly hit with one of the worst headaches in my life. What made it worse was that I couldn't get a hold of my brother, or his girlfriend, or even my parents. They didn't give me the name of the hotel they were staying at. It took four hours, but the headache eventually went away.

The next day, I cleaned up the house and we went home. They called me the day after that to let me know they had gotten home and that they had had a good time. I asked if the house looked good. They said it did. Then I told them about the living trust on the table. I also told them I had taken a look inside. That I saw it had listed me as an adult adopted child and was I? At that moment, it was as if I could have heard a pin drop . . . and I could see her turn to my father in my mind as she finally said, "She looked a the trust . . ." My father was not happy at all. Anyway, knowing they could no longer lie to me, she told me yes I was. I simply replied, "Okay, that's all I wanted to know," and then continued wih the conversation as if nothing had happened.

THAT was how I found out. Quite a story, huh?

onethentwins
by on Apr. 17, 2007 at 8:32 PM
My heart aches for you. I'm so glad I was able to pick my son's parents and they are fabulous people. slowly things are changing but slowly isn't fast enough. I'm happy for you that now you have a family all of your own.
crazystang
by New Member on May. 8, 2007 at 3:15 PM
 Was anyone adopted by a family that should not have been allowed to adopt children?


i was adopted only because me dad wanted a daughter. they already had twin boys adopted at birth. i went through mental physical and sexual abuse with my adopted family. so i think they should not have been allowed to adopt. also what adoptive family will turn their back on their child when they are old enough to be on their own. mine did .i havent seen them in 18 years and the have been better emotionally for me than the 19 years i spent in their home
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