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what should I do?

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2008 at 8:47 PM
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I just left a family gathering and while I was there I experienced what I feel was a verbal abuse.  The reason I am posting this here is that the words came from  my 2nd cousin towards her 8yr old son, who is adopted.  This was a party for the boys grandfather and he was asked to hold up a sign for his grandfather to read and was being wiggly and faced the opposite direction and just a bit silly.  All what I would consider pretty normal for an 8yr old boy.  His mom got right in his face and very strongly asked him why are you being so stupid.  And he replyied in a very tiny voice that he wasnt being stupid which upset her more and she continued to tell him he was.  This was not done in a nice or parental way - her words were what I would call ugly and said in a tone of dislike.  I wanted to say something to her but chickened out (shame on me) but I did spend quite a bit of time with the little boy and his brother.  I wanted to let him know that he is not stupid and show him that not all adults act like that.  I am sure that his mother is not always like this but it is not the 1st time I have got the impression that his parents dont like him, both by their words and actions.  They waited along time to adopt these children and it just baffles me that they would treat this boy like this.  They are not as hard on the younger brother.

I am not sure if this is bothers me because it is very hurtful to treat anyone like this, especially a child, or if I am upset because I think that he has enough to deal with being adopted and should not have to parents who dont seem to like him. 

I would like to talk to my cousin about this.  We are not very close and she is not the type of person who will take my concerns very well.  Im not sure what to do if anything.  We do not live close to each other and we only see each other 2x a year or so, so its not like I can be a good influence in this young boys life. 

Any ideas?

 

by on Sep. 7, 2008 at 8:47 PM
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JESSEMOM
by on Sep. 9, 2008 at 1:45 PM

Because nobody stood up or spoke up for me, I have to give my opinion on the subject.  I think you should speak up, one way or another.  Contact your relative, and possibly get other relatives involved?   Maybe the a-mom does not realize what she's doing?  Either way, she needs to be reminded that her behavior was not nice. 

I wish someone stood up for me when I was a child.  My mom, neighbors and friends all just turned their head when my dad would abuse me.   You could call child services and get them involved, or the agency the children were adopted through. Maybe the a-mom could use some counseling?  I bet she needs something, or something is going on with her marriage?  Something is not right. 

If I were you, I'd say something..to someone. 

Talk soon

cathy

 

   Austen, Ali & Nick            CATHY -owner of 
ADOPTION for the open minded triad"
http://www.cafemom.com/group/openmindedadoption

 

craftylady213
by on Sep. 9, 2008 at 6:15 PM


Quoting JESSEMOM:

Because nobody stood up or spoke up for me, I have to give my opinion on the subject.  I think you should speak up, one way or another.  Contact your relative, and possibly get other relatives involved?   Maybe the a-mom does not realize what she's doing?  Either way, she needs to be reminded that her behavior was not nice. 

I wish someone stood up for me when I was a child.  My mom, neighbors and friends all just turned their head when my dad would abuse me.   You could call child services and get them involved, or the agency the children were adopted through. Maybe the a-mom could use some counseling?  I bet she needs something, or something is going on with her marriage?  Something is not right. 

If I were you, I'd say something..to someone. 

Talk soon

cathy

 

You are right, I have to do something.  I will give her a call and see if we can get together.  Maybe I will make an excuse that I have a gift for the boys or something like that.  Thanks for the nudge.

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