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4 year old w/ Speech Delay and we can't potty train her!! Help!!

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:52 PM
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Hello Ladies!

I have a four year old daughter who has speech delay and she refuses to be potty trained. I'm not sure if something isn't clicking in or what the deal is but its impossible. I have tried just about everything. Thank God she begins her speech evaluation on December 20th. 

Any suggestions or tips I can try? Buying pull ups is becoming costly and cleaning pee and poop isn't all that fun either. Any help is accepted



by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:52 PM
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by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:37 PM
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Does she show signs of being ready? Letting you know when she's gone, wanting to be clean, etc?

I would stay away from potty training as a power struggle. She has control of her body, and pushing on this will only frustrate both of you. Don't let her see that accidents upset you, if at all possible.

If you sense that she's able to control it and is just choosing not to do so, then it's time to get her involved in the natural consequences. She helps clean up the messes, she cleans herself, maybe even lose the pull ups and ask her to rinse out her own undies.

But if she's not ready, or if she's unable to understand what you're asking, then you may just have to wait. Do you have concerns about other delays, or just speech? And at 4, what kind of speech issues is she having? Can she communicate with you and vice versa? My advice hinges on some level of communication, even if it's more basic than a typical 4yo.
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by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:31 AM
i agree on the power struggle point. my son did not want to use the potty and nothin i did changed his mind. so instead of remindin him to go potty i just reminded him that if he pottied in his pants that he would have to clean his mess and i reminded him that big boys use the potty. once i let him have the control he has done great. just to point out though i noe my son and it didnt take me long to figure out that the only reason he didnt want to use the potty was cuz i wanted him to.
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by New Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:56 PM

Thank you both for this help. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I feel as if it is a power struggle. She was doing just fine with peeing in the potty for about 3 weeks and even staying dry at night. Now, she just resists the urge to go and will go in her panties OR pull ups. Its frustrating as can be. As of yesterday, she was playing a game on Disneyjr on my bed and peed right then and there like nothing. I was very confused by it.

Now as far as questioning any other delay, I do have some concerns but am not all that sure if it is just related to her speech such as her Ks,Fs, etc. She is actively defiant and does not seem to care about reprocussions. Its completely aggravating as she is very argumentative..I'm at such a lost right now.frustrated

by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 4:44 PM
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If she was able to do it and now is not, maybe she's just exerting control over what she can: her body.

Just try not to give her a big response... Maybe say something like, "I see you had an accident, here's what you'll need to clean that up." You may have to help her understand what clean-up is needed, but after a couple of times just let her do it. Have her wear undies (uncomfortable when wet) and show her how to rinse them out and take them to the laundry.

It may be a rough couple of weeks as she tests you. There may be a lot of laundry and cleaning wipes. But don't let her see that you're feeling frustrated, or she may keep it up to get a reaction from you.

This has worked well with my son as far as making it to the potty and aiming. I hear other moms have similar success. To me, having the child deal with the natural consequences of their actions is usually one of the most effective forms of discipline... Not that I would really suggest disciplining for potty issues, but just put all of the power and all of the results in her hands. Hopefully she'll respond.

Good luck! And I hope the upcoming speech eval is helpful for you guys, too.
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by New Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:12 AM

My daughter had these problems at 4...sticker charts are great--motivate her...dollar store gifts when she completed a chart (start with three time, then a present. Next go to five times then a present and so on) i even wrapped them to make it more exciting. And I agree to lose the pull ups... It is more cleaning, but uncomfortable and discouraged her from going in her daughter loves the ipad, so if she wouldnt willingly sit on thepotty and try when i reminded her, i would allow her to play a game on the ipad when she was on the potty other times. Find smething that motivates her...a cheap gumball machine from walmart ($5) ...if she goes, givemher a coin to get a gumball, etc. And i agree with the other patient and kind as much as possible. It is hard!

by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:05 PM
I agree sounds like she's showing that she's totally in control with her own elimation. Its the 1 thing at that age that they have total control over. Unless there is another medical reason she can't use the potty but since she did well before sounds like my 1st thought.

My DD is newly 3 but isn't completely potty trained yet, she recently started FINALly using the signfor potty so that's made its better but it took awhile for her to use that sign. It has definitely slowed potty training down. My 2 boys were trained at her age. -but they didn't have her problems either. Good luck!
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 1:07 AM

My son has speech delay and is pee trained LOL I can't get him to poop he gets a diaper or actually asks for a diaper for #2 =( but Hey I'll take him going pee and communicating for a diaper, I honestly don't think he's ready to poop he just gets weired out but I think it'll happen soon. My son became interested at about 3 for the potty and just wasn't interested anymore so I didn't rush or push it..then out of the blue he stared going on his own on the toilet..he still won't say "I have to pee" or anything but if we ask he'll say yes pee pee or no we ask every 2-3 hrs depending on if he had a lot to drink. Good luck ma!

by New Member on May. 22, 2013 at 9:59 PM

B_4 how is your daughter doing with her potty training???  I have a 4 almost 5 year old that is in the same place your daughter was, but I noticed you haven't posted since December.  

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