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My Baby's Story (PIOG)

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 4:19 PM
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Here is Nicolas' story....
On June 3th, I was 38 weeks pregnant and had been rushed to the hospital with complications. Not knowing what was going on, I just assumed everything would be okay. Well early the next morning, I had to under-go an emergency c-section. I had experienced a placental abruption/cord anomoly.  My baby and I almost lost our lives. Being in a state of confusion when I came to, all I could here is everyone asking questions, but no one had any answers. Then I was taken to see Nicolas Skyler for the first time. Born on June 4th, 2010 at 6:03 am. He was 7lbs 7ozs and was just perfect, but in the NICU. I was then told that he had lost half the blood in his little body, and he was holding on to his life by only a thread. Within hours he was flown to the children's hospital. His organs had taken such a major blow, and he was on more medications to stay alive than the nurses have ever seen for a baby. I was told I had lost a lot of blood and that I wasn't stable enough to go with Nicolas. That evening I got a phone call that my baby wasn't doing well, and that I will have to go see him. I have never been in so much pain in my life, but I forced myself to stand up. I was then transfered in my parent's car. When I saw him, he looked fine...Besides the rows of medications, and tubes all over him to keep him alive. Within 48 hours his kidneys shut down. His brain, his heart, lungs, and liver all seemed to be a little hurt, but fine. We were asked to make a decision about his future, and the only option to us was to give him every chance at life as possible. So that day he was started on a type of dialysis. It was a rollercoaster for the next few days, as he was taken on and off the machine. With everything from his own body not handling the replacement of fluids to technological error, things were extremely difficult to handle. On top of my physical pain, the emotions were more than enough to bare. A couple hours of sleep were enough as the days and nights went on for a week. But it felt as if it was one long day. I would sometimes wake up, and hoping to also awake from this nightmare. After a week, of taking one step forward, and a couple steps back, the doctors told us that the dialysis machine was clotting up, and that he had developed an infection. I begged them to stop paralyzing him with medications. And that night they gave him more medications. After giving him another dose of drugs to paralyze him, it didn't help. The strength that this little baby showed me was incredible. The amount of pain and suffering he had gone through in 8 days was more than anything I have ever seen in a lifetime. After hearing that they were taking him off the machine again, and he was truly very sick, more than I even knew, I asked that they finally let me hold him. A baby should be held, and it seemed so cruel to not wrap a baby in a blanket or even hold a baby after birth. They started to wean him off the medications and after many hours of being held at 6pm, he passed away in my arms. He lost his battle to live after only 8 1/2 days old on June 12, 2010. I know he's alive somewhere in paradise, and no longer afflicted. But I am profusely heartbroken. The presence of that little baby has changed me, and yet I can't even explain how. Everything that I have ever learned or was ever taught doesn't make much sense to me. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair. Everything that seemed so important before, seems so insignificant now. No matter what has happened I do know that life is a gift that is taken forgranted so much. I'm going embrace everything in life that means anything to me. I'm still here for a reason, and I'm going to live my life with no regrets. Nicolas' time here was treasured by everyone who met him. I love you little one!

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 4:19 PM
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Replies (1-5):
carterj1220
by Member on Sep. 29, 2010 at 11:36 PM

I am very sorry for your loss! I lost my son almost a year ago and it still hurts. He was stillborn at 21 weeks gestation. Just know our little angels are up in Heaven guiding us through this all. IF you need anything at all, send me an email. Take Care, Hugs to you and your family during this very difficult time!

vannysmom
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 10:49 AM

 My son was born last summer sleeping at 35 wks, His name was Nicholas too.  This is a pain that no one can fix but God.  You will make it through.  It's been a year and half almost for me and it does get better, you never forget, you never get over it, just learn to live with it.  Stay close to God and he will see you through.  I'm so sorry

newmom461
by New Member on Nov. 19, 2010 at 1:24 AM

 when i lost my son from a brain infection that he put up a fight  but he died witin three days of being born and i rember all the tubes and meds and reading your story brought it all back to me i thank you for that because now i can count my nine month old son like the mircel that he is

mommylilangel08
by New Member on Nov. 7, 2011 at 3:09 PM

so sry hun i went though the same thing with a lil angel baby who was only 4 days old n pass do to heart prob he die during second surgery he will be 4 yrs old in feb 28 i miss my lil angel i have is pics on one of my walls he still with us one day we will see our angles again for now there in our heart n lookin down on us there our angles watching over us may god bless u n your family need to talk i'm here email me k :}

littlemomma620
by New Member on Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:43 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my lil one almost a year ago.. I went for my 37 week checkup and they couldnt find a heartbeat then after a lot of ultrasounds and waitiing found out it was too late he had been gone for at least two days. I was made go into labor and have my lo and he came out lookin like a perfect baby doll. I wanted to hear him cry or something but nothing.. .Havin three other boys I felt so lost.. So I can only imagine what your going through.. You are very strong watching your baby be put through all that and a very strong momma. And know our angels are perfect and watching us always! Lots of hugs and wish you the best. 

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