Any Advice on how to handle Stress

[tiffany_poorman]

Okay I am 19 and have a 15 month old little girl I love her dearly but there are days I want to pull my hair out. I live with my mother and I love her but she is getting up there in years and needs help with somethings and doesn't want to always to admit it. I know I couldn't have don't things with out there but I also I know that I am the only child of her's that will stick around and help her cuz my sis and brother are too busy with "their family " to care about us. And my daughters father is 19 as well he helps when he can as much as he knows how but not perfect he has bi polar and ADHD so I love him dearly but it is like caring for a toddler who is very smart for her age and gets into everything and two teens that can't admit they need help and on top of that I am going to college full time to get a degree because where I live there are no jobs and I know that I need to be able to support my daughter and myself. But anyways... How do you other mama's deal with stress with out being really stressed. See I have asthma and a heart condition so everything acts up when I stress out and I Love God and pray but is there anything more you all do that I could try. I get stressed because I want a job and apply and apply and there is just nothing out there and I know life is not perfect but I strive to do my best.

[margaretandem]

As someone who has worked with women in similar situations in my counseling practice as well as being a single, working mother myself who is going to school, I can certainly relate to what you are saying about stress.  It sounds like you are doing everything you can to function and better your life.

Given everything going on, being stressed is a natural human reaction, so don't feel that something is wrong because you are stressed.  Accept that, given all you are dealing with, stress will be a part of your life but that you can manage it.  Keep in mind that just because there is stress in your life doesn't mean that you need to be stressed.  Dealing with stress and not being stressed despite stresses around you involves managing your state of mind as well as your behavior and the world around you.  The ultimate issue is not whether or not you are stressed but how you manage your stress.  But know this...you are a parent and you have other people in your life so you will have stress.  End of story.

Part of dealing with the stress needs to involve being patient with yourself and those around you.  Achieving goals in life always takes time and human beings by nature are not patient.  You are also dealing with people that you don't have control of.  You can only do the best that you can do and hope that your best is good enough.  Focus on what you actually have control of, and that isn't other people, that is yourself.  You control what you say, do, and think, and how you deal with those around you.  Be mindful of that.  Keep reminding yourself of the need to be patient.

Try to find and focus on the good moments despite all the stress going on.  You can sometimes find the good even in something that is stressful.  I know that, on more than one occasion, when my 4 year old daughter does something that requires discipline, I have tried to find some humor in what she has actually done and find myself laughing in the midst of or after putting her on punishment.

Take time out to enjoy the good in your life and with your loved ones.  Take time out for yourself as much as possible - to rest, to relax, to do something fun, to take care of you.  Even if this means locking yourself in the bathroom and staring at the walls for 5 minutes before the baby comes knocking at the door.  Have someone to confide in, to vent to.  Or write in a journal to vent so that you aren't keeping everything in.

If there are things in the environment or your or the family routine that can be changed to reduce the stress, change those things.  Look to make daily routine and life as stress-free as possible.  If there are problems with people or issues in your life that need to be resolved, resolve them.    That way you don't have extra baggage you are carrying with you making you more stressed.

Hope this is helpful.  Let us know how you are doing.  Take care and be well.  I wish you a well-managed, peaceful new year.

Margaret Andem, LCSW

http://www.andemtherapy.com

 

[Mel30248]

First of all hun you are doing a great job. You have a large load to take care of & still going to college all at the age of 19. You have a really good grasp of what the real world is like & a plan for your future & sound like your looking out for the best interest of your entire family.

Well your daughter is 15 months old so is she interested in crafts? My daughter started coloring at 12 months & has loved doing all kinds of craft type stuff. I find that simply coloring in a coloring book with her or sticking stickers, doing stamps, finger painting, etc. can calm me down. Sometimes the paint thing makes me slightly more stressed but oh well lol

Can you do any kind of work out either by yourself or with your daughter? If you cant afford or have the time to join a class then look for a DVD. I'm sure there are toddler & mommy work out DVD's there has to be & I've heard moms really enjoying this type of thing.

Is there a local playgroup? If so can you attend the time period they do it at? We do playgroup once a week & love it. The kids all play while us mothers get to chit chat & play with them as well. Look at your local library as well because a lot of times they have programs too.

Do you enjoy baking? Sometimes being in the kitchen with my daughter in another room with her father playing with her is soothing. I'll experiment & try new things. I got a cupcake cook book for christmas & boy am I excited to try doing something with that! I never knew you could be so creative with cupcakes! Look up recipes online they have zillions of them for you to try.

I am hopeing to join the YMCA in a couple of months here to help give me a stress free time slot every week or twice a week. I havent had much of any time away from my daughter & she is now two so my goal is to do that. YMCA will watch her in the same building while I work out so she will be able to be social while I get to destress.

Are you interested in maybe joining a church? You could find one who is comfortable with what you are looking for & send your daughter to the kids nursery while you get some zen time.

Well those are the only ideas I have for now but please feel free to PM me anytime hun. I'm more then happy to listen & give advice if able to. Your doing a good job all of this will pay off in the end & you'll look back later on in life & be happy that you kept at it. Good Luck