a week ago i took 2 pregnancy tests and they both came out positive! I told my soon-2-b-ex bf about & he seemed happy & we'd talk more about it later. Later that night got in2 this huge argument. I was totally honest w/ him. I said "i dont know whats worse getting an abortion or having this child in this hostile environment! I think it would be better if i just rasied the child alone." My bf & i fight everyday and i know this must be affecting my son in some way. His response 2 me was "an abortion would be the best thing, its not right 2 bring a child n2 our problems. Ur fucking whacked & a sick individual if u think of doing this! U wont b getting a penny from me! U can barely take of u & ur son&u r not healthy enough 2 b carrying this baby!" He is right about 1 thing, im not healthy enough 2 carry a child, my immune system doesnt work as it used 2. In late august/early sept i was hospitalized for 3 days in the icu cause i got ecoli in my bloodstream which lead 2 pnemonia, I almost didnt make it!) The doctor told me in the icu my immune system will never b the same & that i have 2 be very careful cause there r no guarantees i wont get pnemonia again. What it f i get seriously sick again while pregnant!?! I would have 2 beat the pnemonia w/ no anti-biotics and possibly die (i do have my son to take care of) or take the meds & hope the unborn baby tolerates it. I know im over-reacting, im just thinking ahead. He also told me he would just feel terrible if anything happened 2 me. His aunt got pnemonia while pregnant, she died, but the baby lived. I dont know how the system works. The fact that he doesnt have a legitimate job am I now totally screwed & shouldnt even bother w/ child support? Although he does a bunch of real estate properties.
Telling me i wont be gettin a penny from him was sooooooooo the wrong thing to say! That hurt alot! When my mom divorced my dad he said the exact same thing. "U wont b getting a fucking nickel from me!" & 4 the next 18 yrs of hell she had 2 fight him in court for every fuckin nickel! So his own kids could have food, a roof over their head, etc. I really dont know who i hate more now my soon 2 b ex or my dad!
I just dont know what to do! I feel so alone in this & the morning sickness is really getting 2 me! Any suggestions? A month along already i am weighing all my options. & im well aware that im carrying devins brother or sister. Good God possibly TWINS! I absolutley do not want to tell any of my family members. I can hear it now. U can barely take care of ur self, let alone devin, what if u get sick again, whats wrong w/ u, why dont u think, etc. I seriously would rather spend that credit card, stay at a motel 6 w/ my son until i find a job, place 2 live go n2 debt then have 2 move back 2 my moms. I cannot stand that woman! Devin didnt start sleeping thru the nite until 2, going thru that again alone even thinking about it wracks my nerves.
My bfs mom absolutely adores my son & watches him for me from time 2 time. Shes always tellin me how good of a boy devin is, he needs siblings. When her daughter was 17 she had an anurism and died. Boy or girl she would be so happy 2 have another grandchild. Bf & i agreed we wouldnt tell her. Fuck that! I so badly wanna tell her she has a grandchild on the way, tell her exaclty word 4 word what her son said 2 me!
He just sold his house a few days ago, so i have 2 wks 2 pack & its back 2 san jose. Im just so overwhelmed right now, its just 2 much! Im a nany part time, my commute is 45min-90 one way, 1st i gotta find a job, then find a place, pack, unpack. I do have my BA & AA degrees 2 rely on. But their in and of itself is another problem. Rite now even though i do work im on foodstamps, cashaid & most importantly w/ my health MEDICAL, i was also on wic. I know i do need 2 find a job & quick, but as soon as I find one theres goes my medical. I know most companies/jobs u need 2 b working their for 90 days to get insurance. Im so totally screwed! What if i need medical attention 4 anything during that time!?! Do i work, keep the medical and hope i dont get caught? I know as a single parent there r other resources of help out their 4 me, i just need to find them. And if, when i do find that job all those resources will all but vanish cause i'll be makin $!!!!! If i make $ i'll barely be gettin by, w/ no job im screwed. Im in the biggest rut of my entire life rite now! I feel like im up shit creek w/ my hands tied.
My son is my main priority. If i were to die, he wouldnt have a mommy. Im so scared, this situation is killing me. I just dont know wht 2 do! I see a gyno fri.
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. It's almost like you're between a rock and a hard place. There is no easy answer here. It seems, though, that whatever decision you make might have to be based on you being on your own. So, it then becomes a matter of what you can deal with..physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Everyone will have their opinions about what you should or shouldn't do, what you should or shouldn't have done, but YOU decide what you can live with, what you want your life to be like. Doesn't mean any decision will be easy. As a single parent myself doing it by myself financially, I just have it in my mind that I do what I have to do. You need the same mindset - do what you have to do. Don't look at the obstacles or the problems but look at you being strong and capable and doing the best for you and your son, whatever that happens to be. Believe and know that you can make a good decision and make things work, no matter which way you go. There are always options, either way. There is always a way. You determine how your life is going to be for the most part, though choices aren't always easy or the best to make. Just take it one step at a time. I hope this helps. I know it may not give you the answers you want. Let us know how you are doing and what you decide. I wish you well.
Margaret Andem, LCSW
http://www.andemtherapy.com
http://www.andeminfodiabetesmellitus.com
http://www.andeminfobloodpressure.com
http://www.africanconexion.com
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on Mar. 19, 2008 at 2:56 PM