Positive discipline

[margaretandem]

How we discipline can affect our kids positively or negatively.  It is possible to discipline in such a way that you don't make your child feel like the lowest form of life, but rather you help them feel like they can make better choices, do better, and feel good about themselves.  After all, isn't that we want for our kids?  For them to realize that they can do better and make good choices?  For them to feel good about themselves even though they make mistakes and that making mistakes is ok as long as you try to fix it?  For them to know that they don't have to be perfect and we will love them anyway?  Everything we say or do affects how we build or break down our child's self-esteem.  Here are some points to consider specifically in discipling children (summarized from "No More Misbehavin?: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them" by Michele Borba):
-be calm and then respond
-use "I" messages to state disapproval - say how you feel about the behavior and what you would like to see different
-focus on the behavior, not the kid - the behavior is bad, not the child; the child just behaved badly
-make your correction be instructive - focus on what kind of behavior you would like to see vs. what behavior you don't want to see
-encourage your child's attempts - point out when they do well or at least try to do well
-use praise to encourage good behavior - again, don't just focus on the bad, really point out and focus on the good, consider focusing on rewarding the good versus always punishing the bad.  For some kids, punishment is a reward because it gives them attention, even if it is bad attention.  So, shine the light on the good.  Make sure the praise is specific, repeated, deserved, genuine, and catered to the individual.
-nurture positive qualities - find the positive in your child to focus on and bring out.

Hmm....there seems to be a running theme of focusing positively, bringing out the positive, rewarding the positive.

I look forward to feedback.

Margaret Andem, LCSW
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