"Fair Fighting Rules" from "Angry All the Time" by Ron Potter-Efron

[margaretandem]

I thought I would share this with others and hope that it may be helpful.  In my professional work as a counselor/therapist and personal life, with clients, daughter and other family, friends, strangers, those I have to deal with but would rather not, I try to keep these in mind in efforts to communicate effectively and appropriately and get productive results.  It is an excerpt from page 134 of "Angry All the Time" by Ron Potter-Efron, for those interested in reading the whole book, and it lists the do's and don't's of good communication and conflict resolution.  See how you can adapt this to the different people and situations in your life.  Let me know what you think and how this works, or doesn't work (as the case may be), for you.  Enjoy.

Margaret Andem, LCSW
http://www.andemtherapy.com
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FAIR FIGHTING RULES

DO
-tell people what you feel
-stick to one issue at a time
-sit down and talk
-listen
-focus on the specific behavior you want
-make regular eye contact (but don't glare)
-be flexible - be willing to change your mind
-breathe calmly, stay relaxed
-be open to negotiation and compromise
-be responsible for everything you say
-focus on solutions, not victories or defeats
-take time-outs as needed

DON'T
-make fun of others
-hit, push, shove, hold, or threaten to do so
-stand up and yell
-make faces
-attack the other's personality
-name-call
-get stuck in the past
-run away from the issue
-say "forget it," "tough," I don't care," "so what," or anything that ignores the other's concerns
-have to get the last word in
-interrupt
-say "always" or "never" or other generalizations