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I think my relationship is over.......

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:40 PM
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So I think my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years is nearing the end. And I am at a loss and dont know what to do. In january, he had told me that I had changed and I am not the same person, so I did everything I could to find the old me again for him and have changed. Then he got on me about my weight. And said "he never asks anything from me except to loose some weight, but since I cant do that, I must not care about him or our relationship." So I got a gym membership. I have done all the things he asked me to, but he still has a problem. I dont know what to do. Before this week, we were getting along great, and he even said he wanted to have another baby. Now this week he doesnt want anything to do with me and is sleeping on the couch. It has been such a rollercoaster and Im tired of it. I asked him last night what we were doing. Cause he seems like he has checked out of our relationship already. He said " I dunno". Everytime I ask him about our relationship and where we are he answers with "thats a stupid question, if you dont know after 6 years somethings wrong with you".

Our relationship has never been perfect, he has issues that stem from his rough childhood. But he has pushed me to the point where I have nothing left to give him. And Im just standing back watching him destroy the last 6 years we built together. I dont know what to do............

 


by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-3):
anakkinsmommy
by New Member on Mar. 8, 2009 at 3:49 PM

 Well honestly hon, it doesn't sounds like he loves you or respects you from the way he talks to you.  It sounds like its over and you would be much better off without him.  I would move on.  Good luck!

margaretandem
by Group Owner on Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:05 PM

Relationships can be difficult to build and navigate, as both people come into it with their various issues, which affect the relationship dynamic.  It sounds like you are going through a hard time right now.  Do you have an idea of what you want in this relationship?  Is this relationship meeting your needs?  Have you shared with him what it is you need him to give to this relationship and what you are willing to give?  This relationship belongs to the both of you, not just one person, so you have a right to express your needs and wants as well.  Have you considered couples counseling to resolve these issues and get some clarity about where things stand?  Meeting with a 3rd neutral party to give an objective perspective can be helpful.  I like to believe that all relationships are fixable if BOTH partners are willing to do the work.  You both have to be willing to give to the relationship in your own ways, not just one of you.  I wish you well in dealing with this.  I hope this helps.

Margaret Andem, LCSW

http://www.andemtherapy.com

 

growinglovemom
by New Member on Mar. 10, 2009 at 10:54 AM

No guy deserves to analyze you and decide how your body should look as a condition to loving you or not-you don't even want to be with a guy that would think that way-it's addiction and committment that have probably kept you with him for so many years-and it is for that reason that it's all the harder to start over and pull away-but he doesn't even like himself if he can believe the crap he tells you-the weight issue-yes it'd be nice if we all looked perfect but that's your body/life/boundary he is trying to cross-get away from him for your own sanity and force yourself to think for a few weeks about you-all about you-what you want-what you like,what you deserve,what you want out of a relationship,and start to build yourself back from the emeshed soul you were becoming  having wrapped yourself up in a guy who doesn't respect himself or you.you will see things for what they really are if you distance just a bit-Good luck


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