***I posted this in another group, but they....were not fans of me seemingly encouraging open adoption, soooo....I thought MAYBE you all would be more.. appreciative? That may be the wrong word....regardless. I wanted to share OUR story....***
I wrote a poem about it, first...then I will explain it, and add pics. (Don't have the birth pics scanned, I will later) I want to share it, because the more I read here in this group, the more I am blown away by people's reactions of shock and awe at the level of openness with this adoption. I want to answer questions, and I will defend my choices to the death if need be. I give talks at the agency I went through, to prospective adoptive couples, AND to birthmoms. I help lead birth family therapy group sessions. 98% of the adoptions I witness occuring in MY area are open, and a lot tend to have MY level of openess. I welcome differing viewpoints and opinions. I just ASK that you remain respectful. Just because MY story is different, doesn't make it WRONG for me, my child, my other children, or the adoptive family. For US, it is perfect.
"Abby"
She sits alone, the hard chair cold.
Nervously, she twists the ring on her finger.
Her eyes wander down to the band of gold.
Her eyes fill up, and her doubts begin to linger.
Before she can let her emotions lead her feet,
A woman walks up to her, young, and kind.
She shakily stands and leaves her seat,
Mentally willing her fears to stay behind.
They enter an office, cozy and warm,
As they are seated, she is asked to speak,
Gathering her composure as her thoughts swarm,
Despite her best efforts, the tears begin to leak.
"I have a baby now, and he said he'd be there,
But now I'm entirely on my own,
And a baby and a toddler would be too much to bear,
If I have to do it all alone.
So I came for help, to see if you could,
Help me find a family for this baby girl.
As long as there's one who maybe would,
Let me be a part of her world."
"I have a few, if you'd like to look"
And she handed the girl profiles to check out.
Her eyes stopped searching when she saw the 3rd book,
"This in the one!" she said, "Without any doubt!"
They met that evening, and talked all night,
She was thrilled to have found two people so great.
"We'd love for your baby to become our little light,
We are so excited we can hardly stand to wait!"
Their wait wasn't long, the baby came soon after,
Their lives are complete, and she's well taken care of,
Their days are filled with her wonderful laughter,
And all of their worlds are filled with love.
The girl is now married, with more babies on the way,
She sees her daughter often, and can easily tell,
Her gift is the joy and highlight of their every waking day,
And so our story now ends well.
That's the basics. It's mostly how it went. I knew when I found out about Abby that she would be someone else's. There was no question then, and there never was. I called the agency I decided I most liked out of the yellow pages list, and the worker who came out to my house was AMAZING. Her name is Stephanie. She was just married at the time, but now has adopted her own two children. She gave me 3 profiles and scrapbooks the families had made for the birthmoms to look through. I didn't like the first two books. Those families were just NOT what I wanted for my child. I liked the background story of the 3rd couple, though. When I opened their scrapbook, they looked so...REAL? I turned the page, and right there was "Chief", sitting on their couch, under two trophy bucks mounted on their wall. And there was "Mom", horseback riding, and with a huge catfish she had hooked. A southern girl at heart, I knew living up north now, this was the BEST family to give my little girl a similar life to what I had. Steph called them then and there, and they came down that night to meet me. We met at the agency, and we literally talked for SO long, that we moved the "meeting" to TGIFriday's, right by my house, and were out til past midnight. We talked and talked and talked and talked after that night, and I knew, that THIS was the family for my daughter. And myself.
When Abby came 6 weeks early, I was terrfied, but they calmed me down and got me through it. I kept telling them I was sorry for possibly screwing up their baby. They laughed and told me I was being silly. I honestly felt like a surrogate at that point. I LOVE Abby, of course, but she was just always going to be THEIR baby in my mind. We all went to the NICU every day together while she was there. We came home to my house first, so the sisters could spend some time together. They had a baby shower for her on Mother's Day, a couple of months after she was born, and I was the guest of honor. I opened the gifts while Mom read the cards, and I spent almost the whole day with Abby in my arms. I was their town's hero of the day, I swear. Mom gave me a bouquet of white and pink roses in front of everyone, and we just held each other in tears. I don't know, sometimes, still, who is more grateful to who...me to them, for loving my little girl the way I wanted, or them, to me, for giving them their first child together after 8 years of miscarriages and failed IVF. (Mom has 3 adult children from 2 horribly abusive marriages) 1st DD and I stayed at their house that weekend, and Mom's older daughter and I became sisters that weekend for sure.
DD and I stayed up there that Thanksgiving, too. There was no question, we were all family. When I met DH a few months later, they were the ones who I wanted approval of him from the most, and they certainly approved. Chief walked me down the aisle at our wedding, and both of my girls were our flower girls. They took the empty spots of parents that no longer existed in my life, and that meant the world to me.
DH and I have been married 4 yrs this Thursday, and Abby will be 6 this coming winter. There are tons of little stories about how our families have meshed, and how time has only brought us closer. They were there when DH and I's 1st child together was born, our DS, who is 2 now. They had both of the girls, and were such proud "grandparents" then. I mentioned in a bother post that they want us to move to their small town so we can be closer than almost 3 hours away. Mom and I miss each other like crazy, to be honest. She truly is my MOM now, and nothing will change that. We have had our arguments, and we spent a month not talking, but just couldn't keep it up, lol. And we were FLAMINGLY angry, too! *sigh* They recently lost their house in a tragic fire, and I was there within three days with stuff for them I had gathered from my neighbors and friends. When DH and I got our first house, we had nothing to put in it really, and they came down with a U-Haul full of furniture, and items for us, free, no questions asked.I know the birthmom of their younger ADD, too, and was sooo happy when they brought her home. (The DD, not the new BM, rofl)
Maybe my story is rare. But it's my story. It's Abby's story. It's their story. It's OUR story. Its what we want, and like Mom said today, it's the way it HAS to be for us.
Chief and I
Mom and the girls
The wedding obviously
Me and the girls forever ago
Abby
Thank you, Savvy! I certainly don't mean to make any one all emo over it. I just am really HAPPY with our story, and want to shed a different light on adoption.
Wonderful story! I always enjoy hearing about open adoption situations that work the way they should! Kudos to all of you!
Great story thanks for sharing. I am an adoptive mom to a wonderful little girl who will be 2 very soon. We have a very open adoption also. I feel like my daughters birth mom is my little sister. We spend time with her family getting to know everyone. We are still leaning how to work all of our family in during the holidays but this year seemed to go okay. I am glad that you continue to have an open adoption I hear a lot of people close their adoption later on. I know ours will never be closed. I would miss their family too much.
Jennifer
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really touched my heart and I could relate to so many parts of it. You're also a very talented writer. My husband & I are adoptive parents to our 2 year old son and also have an open relationship with his birth parents and extended family. We know that we would never have the light of our lives without their confidence in us and letting them share in Nathan's life is the least we can do. We're now hoping for a little sister for Nathan and another open adoption to extend our family.
God Bless,
Laura
Laura & Oliver - from a lake in Wisconsin
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