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Hardest obstacles as a Ft SM

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:03 PM
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Hi ladies ill introduce myself again I'm Venessa 26 and mom to 7 beautiful kiddos. They're ages are ds9,sd7,dd6, ss5,dd4,ss3' dd18mts. Just wanted to know what some of the biggest obstacles you've gone through as Sm? Id have to say its healing the hearts that bm has cause pain in. they are my babies i want them never to feel hurt!
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:03 PM
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timefort
by New Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:20 AM

That is a hard one. It's sad to say that the bm will hurt and disappoint them over and over and you will be witness to it all. I'm sm to 3 great kids (23sd, 22ss, 18ss) and 1 bm to 1 (18d). I have raised my skids for the past 10 years. It is hard to watch them be hurt, and no matter what I say or do it does not make up for what bm did or didn't do. Just try to stay positive and affirm what they are feeling without trashing bm. In the big picture no matter how wrong she does them, she is still their mother and they will defend her. Keep your chin up & fight the good fight.

T

venessaw04
by New Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:38 AM

I grew up having a sm, so i know how much dislike a child could have for you sometimes even with you do all you can to make it ok.  Luckily mine are young i came into theirl life when they were 8mts 1.5 and 4,  and they have never been bad or disrespectful.   I always try to reassure them when they ask about her that she loves them no matter what and that im sorry they are hurt but we will do everything to keep a smile on their face and my 7yr old knows that we love her with everything.  I have never once bashed her to the kids or infront of them.  My dad did that against my mom and my mom to us about our dad, no kid should have to hear crap that isnt meant for their ears, they know no different :) so thats grown up and alone talk when BM comes up.  I know im about to have to go through the whole pubety talk with my 7 yrs old which i expected i would have to do since bm wasnt making an effort and now is incarcerated.  She had to start wearing deodorant a month ago she was a lil shy but i let her know that theres nothing to be shy about.  That ive taken care of her when she was horribly sick, ive cleaned up her throw up i know everything about her:)  she smiles big we are a very open family in all aspects.  


Quoting timefort:

That is a hard one. It's sad to say that the bm will hurt and disappoint them over and over and you will be witness to it all. I'm sm to 3 great kids (23sd, 22ss, 18ss) and 1 bm to 1 (18d). I have raised my skids for the past 10 years. It is hard to watch them be hurt, and no matter what I say or do it does not make up for what bm did or didn't do. Just try to stay positive and affirm what they are feeling without trashing bm. In the big picture no matter how wrong she does them, she is still their mother and they will defend her. Keep your chin up & fight the good fight.

T



Lauren79
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 1:10 PM

BM being in my face constantly...calling, texting, her name, showing up where we are, YES she showed up to where we were camping with the kids for the weekend. Even when she has the kids, a rare occasion, she calls 5 min after picking them up, texting as soon as she drops them off....

I know they have to have contact because they have kids, but unless it has to do with the kids, like drop off time or an emergency why does she have to be in my face and interfere in my relationship?

Watching my SO's kids cry because BM didn't hold true to her word, the disrespect from them when they come back from her house...I could go on and on. She doesn't put the kids first it's always about her and what she wants or needs....

I know this is a SO problem too because he won't set boundaries and trust me I've let him know my feelings on it....

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