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I love my mom but wow ...

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 12:15 AM
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I appreciate everything that my mother has done for me and my son , I could not have done it with out her but she needs to let me grow up. I'm not single anymore but I do still live with my mother and my sons father is a jerk (i could think of a better name though ) so please don't kick me out, Anyways me and my fiance have been looking for a house two towns away from here where he works ...not far at all. I told my mother about this and she flipped.. yes she is a christian and i can understand that . She told me that I am not going to shack up with him and disrespect her and my grandparents ... Hell there is more twisted people in my family than me wanting to live with someone out of wedlock. She even told me that if i did she would take my son from me, that really made me mad and i wanted to blow up at her so bad but from a young age we were raised to respect your parents . I know that she dosn't want to loose my son living with her bc he has lived in her house since the day i brought him home from the hospital but i need and want to start my own family with me and my son and not just everyone here at the house. I am 26 years old and need to move on. I have felt like a complete loser since moving in with here almost 3 years ago.I told her that me and my fiance have already discused  that I would finish school and I want to wait until then before we get married ,I have less than a 1000 hours left before i graduate.Another reason i think she dosnt want me moving out is because she will have to find her another babysitter for my two sisters and my niece who stays every weekend because i watch them from 4p.m.-8a.m.  four  nights out of the week.I just feel like if i stay here any longer i will go crazy. My two sisters think i'm a push over and barely help out around the house. hell as we speak it is 11:11 p.m. my youngest sister still hasn't done her dishes  honestly i want to kick her in her butt ,  And my mom is either sleeping or yelling about something , I'm pretty sure everyone in the house likes it better when she sleeps ha ha .     sorry i had to vent and any advise would be appreciated

by on May. 24, 2010 at 12:15 AM
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im4life
by New Member on May. 24, 2010 at 12:16 PM

Wow, I can see why you want to get out. I was raised old fashioned too and I don't think it's ever a good idea to live together before marriage. What for? Just get married then. What does finished school have to do with your marital status? Just do it.  If you're saving for a big wedding, then do a quick JP thing and at least make it legal--benefits, filing tax returns, etc..  Have the party/big wedding later. The studies out of universities, specifically Princeton, are in and statistically you're doomed if you're going to cohabit. If you break up before the wedding, then what are you going to do? There's no committment in shacking up. There is nothing at all, no incentive to "work it out". He can just walk away at any time. If this is real, then what are you waiting for? I have to tell you that NO ONE I knew who lived together had a happy ending. They either didn't get married, or got married and quickly divorced. I'm talking at least a dozen couples, not just one or two friends. I can really see your mom's point of view in that regard, but as for the rest--it's crap. She can't take your son away because you might elect to shack up. Hell, you can be a prostitute and as long as you're taking good care of your child and not doing it in front of him you won't lose custody. I'm thinking that you're right about the babysitting part for your sisters and niece, but to me that's a small price to pay, for now for what she's done for you. While I don't know the specifics, it's my guess that you saved a bundle on rent/mortgage, utilites, taxes, food etc... What's your son's father's role in all of this? Does he see your son? Will you be married before your son realizes that you're only living together? Does he call your so Daddy? If it doesn't work out will he have to start over with yet another "Daddy"?  It wouldn't sit well with me if Jake's dad just started living with someone, fiance or not, with no immediate plans for marriage. It's a poor example. Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. Look at all the dads who are jerks--skipping out on their kids, not paying support, it doesn't make it right. I appreciate your frustration. I appreciate your concerns and worries. There has to be a better way than to just "run away" from the situation into another situation which is less than perfect. Your son deserves better.

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