I was at my oldest son's baseball practice the other night. All of the parent's were congregated on the bleachers and we were chatting lightly about various things. A teenager behind me said, 'Momma, doesn't he remind you of Dontae?' She was referring to my youngest son who is biracial. I am white, his father is African American.
Her mother then says, 'Yeah, because he is a mulatto. He got that good hair and that nice skin.' My son is VERY light and has wavy/straight medium brown hair. I didn't know what to say....I - honestly - smiled stupidly.... I am going to have to spend the next couple months with these moms and didn't want to start off on the wrong foot...but I am wondering was this appropriate? I felt like I should have said SOMETHING. I think all shades are beautiful. His father is very dark. And the 'mulatto' thing was kind of uncomfortable for me, too. Any other opinions?
What would you have said? Or even done?
I don't think much about it. I've had a few people in the past think my son was Mexican. He's half white(from me) and half black(from dad). My son has similar features like your son.
I would just let it go. There will always be someone saying something. How you handle it will determine how your child will learn to handle it. We want our children to grow up confident in themselves and who they are, what other people think simply doesn't matter! 
i tend to go with if its not a hateful thing to say...leave it alone. its only so much energy you can spend on other people, save it for the exceptional cases mama
sounds a little ignorant in my opinion, but i think id try to keep my mouth shut that time since it wasnt meant to be negative. did she know it was your son?
She knew he is mine because we had been discussing his birthday. It wasn't so much the term- which made me uncomfortable- but also the 'good hair/skin' thing. She was speaking to her teen daughter who was a darker shade. I believe every young woman should feel beautiful and confident in who they are. And it just made me feel concerned about how the teen would percieve what she said. I posted this on the racial discussions forum and everyone pretty much agreed that a gentle correction that he is biracial and not mulatto would have been ok.....but so was letting it go- which is what I did. And many suggested that I compliment the teen daughter often when we speak to boost her confidence.
Quoting FieriMadre:sounds a little ignorant in my opinion, but i think id try to keep my mouth shut that time since it wasnt meant to be negative. did she know it was your son?
trust me honey, i grew up in the community and the "good hair" thing has been around forever and isnt going anywhere. like it or no.....
i wouldnt of said nothing. They were just compairing him to someone they knew. i would of taken the good hair thing as a compliment. as for the word mulatto, by definition it is the offspring of a black person and a white person, so that wouldnt be offensive to me.
OMG!!! I wasn't going to reply but......well....OK...to start, O YES something needed to be said and may still need to be said considering you will be in contact with them for the next little while. Some of the ladies above are right, it is ignorance, and to combat ignorance and stupidity we use knowledge and our voice. As parents of biracial super-babies it's our job to protect them from as much stupidity as possible and prepare them for what dumb people we may encounter, no, will encounter in life, that goes for every race, by not being hesitant to speak our mind or heart when we are faced with possibly unfair words or treatment. 1. I personally don't like the word mulatto...we don't use it in our family...the same way we don"t subscribe to 1 drop of blood makes you black theory, so I would have first started by saying to the mother and teen that not meaning to interrupt but I overheard a bit of your conversation and no, we don't use the term mulatto, he is biracial and thank you,we think he is super cute too..to address the hair, skin thing. Trust me, I've been there, I'm married to an white, blond, blue eyed English man and live in an all white town, so you can just imagine some of the stuff I over hear or get told/asked. Sometimes I've noticed people appreciate the correction, again, being ignorant they may just not know....i.e. my father in law thought it appropriate to talk about the colored man who works on our boat, had I not explained to him why he shouldn't say that any more even though in England they find it acceptable, he may have had a world of problems! 2. What is good hair???? I mean what are we teaching our kids and the rest of the world if we don't speak (even nicely) against dumbness? So now your child should have the same issues others have about what is good vs bad, black vs white, upper class vs lower class. Being in interracial relationships we should acknowledge the beauty in our differences, straight or kinky. I may have gone way off topic but I still cant believe some of the comments.....would she have been happy if you called her something other than what she was? If I call a Brazilian, Mexican...they'd correct me, when my son's school listed him as white, I asked for a correction, gently but firmly stating that he is black and white making him biracial, and we celebrate that in our home and would appreciate if the school would too and list him properly as biracial. My son felt so much better knowing not only did we honor who & what he is, but that we are willing to demand that others do too.
I don't think she meant it to be disrespectful BUT... I would have had to say something. I have a smart mouth and words tend to fall out, even if I don't want them to. I find that extreme sarcasm works well. Like---"Yes, we are so THANKFUL that he was blessed with GOOD hair. I don't know what I would have done if he were born with unmanageable hair."
ya know, it wouldn't have bothered me. Their intent was positive. There was nothing negative said. Alot of people don't know what words and topics are ok and what topics are not. Honestly, that varies by individual anyway.
I have had my kids called halfbreeds, the N word, portch monkies, ect so I would have considered what you described as a pleasant encounter.
They were not saying that another shade was bad. They may think all shades are beautiful too.......just commenting on how beautiful your child was.
how do you deal with this? ????
- AZandAAmomma
on Apr. 14, 2011 at 8:53 PM