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He thinks because he is not biologically related...he is not part of a family

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2010 at 3:49 PM
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Hi all...I need help....and thought I would try here to see if anyone has been in similar situations.

I am a 24 yo single mother. My boyfriend moved in to my house with me and my 3 year old daughter in September 09. Before he moved we talked about how "he always knew he would marry someone with a child" and how even though he is not her biological father he would treat her as his own.

I need you to keep in mind that I do go to school and that her bio father is around. So generally everyother day she stays at our house. Which also imposes some issues because of family things that my boyfriend wants to and the time constraints with work and school

Well, alot has hapened since he moved in. My little brother passed away, which put added stress on us (and caused my bf to loose his full time job) and then just 2 months after his death I have been very ill with bacterial food poisoining....so it's been stressful. To say the least.

What struck me the most and what I am most concerned about is what he told me last night : I said, "well, were a family" he responded with "I don't feel like it" I said "why " and he said that "beacuse my daughter was not biologically his he didn't feel like a family" and the "sad thing is to feel like a family he would have to have a baby with me."

I also feel that a huge issue is that he hates for me to have to ask my daughters father if we can keep her on a day that is his. It seems like a control thing...I don't know.

Now, first another child will not solve this. But I do love this man and I need to know how to approach the situation and what to say to solve this. I can't change the fact that she is not "his" but by the way she looks at him she totally is! So please help...

by on Jan. 29, 2010 at 3:49 PM
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prettymama72106
by Member on Feb. 4, 2010 at 8:57 PM

I wish i had an answer for you but i don't think there is really a way to easily fix this like you said the situation has been stressful and i think part of his problem is he does want her to be his and loves her and hates to have to share her with your ex. TO him it probably feels like he isn't really part of the family he only gets to play family when your daughter is with you the best thing you can do is have open communtication with him and know that it will take time i hope it all works out for you.

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