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Posted by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 4:47 PM
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okay so a friend of mine has a b/f who hits her. she has asked him to move out of the house that they are buying together several times but he wont leave. she doesnt want to call the cops because everytime she tries to tell someone about him hitting her he lies and says she hit him too or that she hit him first or that she threw something at hit. this is not true. but she thinks that if she calls the cops it will be his word against hers. even though she has marks on her she still thinks that she could be arrested too. im not sure if this can happen. they have kids together and he hits her in front of them and she tells him to stop but he wont. he is always calling her really mean names and putting her down. she knows she need to leave him. but right now he is the one who makes all the money in the house (she is still looking for a job, going to school, and takin care of the kids) she has no where to go. and is scared she will lose the kids if she turns him in and they arrest her too, even though she has done nothing wrong. she thought about a restraining order but that only mean that if he comes around she can call the cops. if she does that, then when he finds out he will come home and he will be more violent than normal and by the time she calls the cops she is scared it will be too late. i have no idea what to do or what to tell her. im not sure what the laws are or if she can get in trouble for something he says. what should i do? what would you do? please help me and my friend...thanks

by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 4:47 PM
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by New Member on Jul. 29, 2007 at 4:52 PM
tell her to call the god damn cops sorry for the language but she needs to call them and they will help her... in mass. if you go into a homelsess shelter job or no job and have kids they will put you in a home with section 8 paying forthe rent then there is food stamps which you do not need a job for to get fodd and sometimes money from them... and then there is wic which gives you food and formula for free tell her she can do it on her own...encourage her alot and just help out if you can because she is in need!!! BUT DEF CALL THE COPS. NO WOMAN SHOULD BE TRETED THIS WAY PLUS THE KIDS SHOULDNT HAVE TO SEE HER GET HIT! 
by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 5:01 PM
WARNING: Abusers try to control their victim's lives. When abusers feel a loss of control - like when victims try to leave them - the abuse often gets worse. ......

this is from a domestic abuse site. this is what my friend says she is scared of happening. she knows that if she calls the cops he will only be in jail a few days and then he will be out she is scared he will come and find her. im not sure where to tell her to go . she is not sure either. i dont know how to help her. i keep telling her to call the cops but she says she cant...because she is scared of this and because she is scared he his say those things about her and they will just arrest her too and take awya her kids......
by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 5:12 PM
what would most likely happens is they would ask him or her if they have any where else to stay if neither does and one has marks, the one that has marks will get to stay the other will go to jail.  then she gets a restraining order against him.  after she gets him in jail for the night, she needs to stay at someones house where he doesnt know where she and the kids will be, but she needs to contact law enforcement so they know she is goin somewhere and he can't try to say she kidnapped them.  after she is somewhere safe the she needs to file for a divorce and full custody with full physical placement.  she needs to find a battered womans shelter, where they take kids in too. and stay there till she can get out!
by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 5:17 PM

Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. (United States Department of Justice, National Crime Victim Survey, 1995)

by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 6:04 PM
Ask her if she's thought about setting up a hidden camera somewhere in the house that she can use as evidence. I saw this show on Oprah once where this sicko husband actually had their son videotape him beating her and she was able to use it in court. Tell her to call a domestic shelter, asap, or she'll continue to live (or die) because of this "man". There is alot of help for women in her situation and she reallly needs to just be brave and take advantage of that.  God bless her and I pray she stays safe, I could'nt imagine going through that.
by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 6:24 PM
    Hello, I know what your friend is going through my ex-boyfriend did the same thing to me. I just let it go because I just started a job and I needed help with the kids. He was good with the kids and everything but he was the biggest jerk in the worst way to me this guy would even try to rape me it was a very scary situation. I finally got sick of it and took matters into my own hands and started fighting back then I finally got sick of it all and kicked his ass to the curb after 7 years. Although I am not recommending that your friend fight back because I don't personally know her or her boyfriend. BUt you need to really tell her to call the cops. If she is that afraid that she will be arrested there are like these hidden camara things that you can find at wal-mart i think or radio shack and there are lots of places that will help her. Tell her its only going to get worse if she stays there and that she needs to think of her children before it goes to far and it will if she stays. Tell her to stay at her parents house or a friends house or have somebody stay with her. and to change the locks on the doors. That way when he gets out of jail if he comes over there she can just call the cops again but not to answer the door for him at all. I wish the best for your friend.
by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 6:35 PM

Thank you all so far for all of your help it means so much to me and to my friend. i have seen that a couple of you said to get hidden camaras, this is a good idea. but do you know how much they cost? like i said her b/f is currently the only one working while she is looking for a job. also does anyone know how long it takes for someone to get help paying for housing, because my friend wants to move out but right now cant afford to pay for a place to stay until she finds a job and is able to save some money.  also if anyone else knows anything else or has any other ideas or know of places my friend can go it would help alot. she lives in athens/megis county ohio like me, so if there is anyone from that area that has any info please let me know......thanks

by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 6:55 PM
I dont know where you and your friend live but in every state I have lived in (Cali, Hawaii, and Texas ) if you call the cops and say he hit you they will take him and put him in jail for at least 24 hours. That way she can get herself out and taken care of or whatever need be done. She can then choose to press charges against him and if she does things will get a lot better. Also in Hawaii you dont even have to have proof you can just SAY he hit you and they'll take him. My mom says first thing she should do when she calls the cops is file a restraining order and change the locks so he cant get back into the house. If she has proof he hits her and can take pics or something then she has already won her case. Tell her for her sake and the kids to call the cops and get rid of him now! You both dont want the kids around that thinking its ok. Its a vicious cycle!
  Goodluck! And if you or your friend would like someone to talk to send me a message.
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 12:54 AM

She needs to get the hell out of there! Your friend does not deserve that! Also, if she has marks and he doesn't, the cops are going to know that she isn't doing anything to him! Also, she is endangering her children by staying htere!


by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 9:21 AM
Well I know it can be hard to face the music but if the bf is beating her its not going to take much for him to do it to them. I would NEVER risk my kids getting assaulted by any one intentionally especially there dad! And technically he is already beating her kids by them seeing thier mother get beat up it will probably only be what they expect to do or have done to them in their future generations. You may not be able to see scars and bruises but they'll be there for life! Maybe she needs to make a plan of getting all the information she can about a battered woman's shelter and help she can get through her state and a lawyer and once everything is order to call the cops so that he has no recourse since the abuse will have been documented etc. I seriously pray that she and her kids can find a way out without anything more happening to any of them. Saying she can't do anything because of the new house because she doesn't have any where to go is a cop out because there are places and nothing should out weigh the importance of showing her kids whats right by getting them the best life - and that includes her being free from him so that she can have good self estime etc etc etc etc etc....I seriously hope she can find away to get her self in a position so she can get out because just a matter of time =0(.

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