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i dont know what happened

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 10:09 PM
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my fiance just told me he didnt want to marry me anymore. that he was too scared. that it was too big of a commentment. but i dont know what happened. i feel like a big loser! it was his idea to get married in the first place. i did not want to get married, but he planted the seed in my head. then when i finally got excited about it and wanted to start planning for it, he decided he didnt want to anymore. i feel like crying.  i keep wondering what is it about me that he doesnt want to marry and just wants to play house? he wants to have the cow and milk for free. i do everything around the house for him and take care of our kids, but he doesnt want to make it permanent? its so embarrasing because i told people we were getting married. i told my parents and thay were happy for me. they offeren to help pay for it. i know he talks to other women on the computer. is he just keping his options open for them? for something better? i know im not the prettiest or most attractive, so ive been trying make-up and different clothes so he doesnt see me as just the mother of his kids. i dont know what to do. my heart is hurting.  why was i good enough before and all of a sudden i am not good enough? im sorry....i just needed to vent. 
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 10:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kdsangel
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 10:23 PM
My Bf pulled the same thing a couple of yrs ago said he felt pressured into marrying me although I never asked. Guess whats he's come around and I'm not sure, And don't beat urself up u are a beautiful girl and if he don't want u somebody else does. I'm not telling u to play games but sometimes they need to be reminded of that.
LuluChaos
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 10:37 PM
Have you sat down and told him how you felt and your concerns? Because if you can't talk to him about your basic feelings and fears.. then why even get married to him? Because when you are married to someone, there should be NOTHING held back on either end.. it should be as open as possible. Communication is key in any long term relationship... even more so when you are married.

So.. maybe sit down and ask him why he wanted to call it off.. and then ask him your concerns why he did.. how it made you feel and how he makes you feel. I've learned that you have to be super up front with guys.. because if you don't.. then who will?
2little_men
by Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 2:45 AM

you know, i did ask him why, and he said it was such a big commentment and hes not ready anymore. i wanted to be upset at that moment, but i held it in because i was glad he was being open, eventhough what he was saying was killing me inside. i didnt want him to know how hurt i was cause i didnt want him to think he couldnt be open with me
BROCKENMOM
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 10:55 AM
My bf and i have been together for 6 1/2 years and we just had a baby in febuary, by june he still hadn't asked me to marry him. He told me he didn't want to get married b/c he didn't want to get devorced. I understand your feelings, You have done so much for this person and now they aren't returning it. Maybe you should take a little vacation, that seemed to work for me, show him what life would be like without all that you do for him.
mommyof11420
by Member on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:36 PM
then let him go............ it is to big of a commitment ....bull shit , you cook and clean and wash his close and take care of his children and fuck him when he want to be fuck what more does he want ...... bull shit ...... if he doesn't wan tot marry you then tell him to get the fuck out(kick  rocks ) ..... you are to good of a woman to play house with a little boy who doesn't know what he what's .... like having kids isn't a big commitment ...... let him go well let him think you are letting him go maybe that will change his mind ...... maybe if he thinks that the has lost you then he will fix his acted...... and cut the inter net chatting with other woman ...... don't cook for him ... don't clean his clothes ..... let him do it him self ....... just do for the kids ....... see how he likes it . im me let me know how it goes .
mommyof11420
by Member on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:37 PM

Quoting LuluChaos:

Have you sat down and told him how you felt and your concerns? Because if you can't talk to him about your basic feelings and fears.. then why even get married to him? Because when you are married to someone, there should be NOTHING held back on either end.. it should be as open as possible. Communication is key in any long term relationship... even more so when you are married.

So.. maybe sit down and ask him why he wanted to call it off.. and then ask him your concerns why he did.. how it made you feel and how he makes you feel. I've learned that you have to be super up front with guys.. because if you don't.. then who will?


mommyof11420
by Member on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:41 PM
you know I think guys now a days have it so easy ... they think that they can live with us and have everything a husband gets and not have to buy that ring and be a husband ...... but they want the respect of a husband but don't give you the respect of a wife ,mother to their children ....... they love you but don't want to marry you but don''t want anyone else to have you ..... fuck that
jamiesmom1
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:46 PM

I am sorta kinda going through the same thing with my boyfriend.  I am currently still married to my ex-husband ( until next week that is!)  My bf has begged and begged me to file for divorce, and the only reason I haven't until now was for finacial purposes because my ex wouldn't help me.  My bf has talked about us getting married and we even went looking at rings, but now when i told him i filed for divorce, he didn't seem too thrilled.  He hasn't mentioned that now that we will be able to get married, he still wants to.  Men are so confusing and I think most just want to play the field. But my bf is always with me, he comes home to me, and we have a baby on the way.  So I don't know why they change their minds.  I do sypathize for you hun, because it does hurt.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

ALL-OF-ME
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:53 PM

Quoting mommyof11420:

you know I think guys now a days have it so easy ... they think that they can live with us and have everything a husband gets and not have to buy that ring and be a husband ...... but they want the respect of a husband but don't give you the respect of a wife ,mother to their children ....... they love you but don't want to marry you but don''t want anyone else to have you ..... fuck that
HUNEY YOU ARE SO RIGHT I WILL GET ALL DOL UP ON HIS ASS AND SHOW HIM WHAT HE WILL BE MISSING OUT ON AND I WILL STOP AL COOKING WEL NOT FOR THA KIDS CLEANING AND ALL THAT JUSTA ACT LIKE HIS ASS AINT THERE... IF ITS TO BIG FOR HIM ITS TO BIG FOR YOU  LET HS ASS KNOW


WHAT IT DO.... YOU KNOW WHO IT IS...
dali_mama48161
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:58 PM
You poor girl! My heart goes out to you totally!  If it were me, Im kinda a do or die person anyways, I'd tell him if that's how he feels then I didn't want to be with him at all.  You have children together, what's more permanent and pressuring than that?  You have already weathered that storm, why not get a piece of paper so that way you guys can show the world your family and your union?!?!   Yeah, if it were me I'd tell him to make up his mind or get the F*** out :)  But like I said, Im a do or die person :)
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