Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Welcome one and all

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2007 at 9:50 AM
  • 14 Replies
  • 2235 Total Views
4 moms liked this
Feel free to introduce yourselves and get settled in. My name is Ayla I am 37 years old and have 3 children ages 15, 13, and 3 years. As you may notice, there's a BIG gap in their ages. That's due to secondary infertility. I experienced my first ectopic pregnancy in was horrible. I had no idea what was going on in my body and the doctors were criminally clueless. I was admitted to the hospital at the last minute, as my tube had begun to rupture and I was internally bleeding. I am lucky to be alive today. The doctor removed the pregnancy via laprascopic surgery, and was able to save my tube....which I sometimes wonder was more of a curse than a blessing. I had another ectopic in the same tube in August 2005...this time Methotrexate was used to dissolve the pregnancy and no surgery was required. Though it was less "invasive" I can honestly say that I preferred the surgery 100%. I will never allow myself to be injected with methotrexate AGAIN. Just this last week I found out I was pregnant again! We were shocked, thrilled and in awe. But when i started spotting and cramping, we immediately ran into the ER to make sure I wasn't Ectopic again. Well they told me I was, injected me with methotrexate, and 2 days later I found out that I had a perfectly normal intrauterine pregnancy, that was just a little too early to show on the first U/S. This is ALL very fresh and painful for me, as it occured last week. In fact I am still waiting to "Pass" what would have been a perfectly normal, enormously desired pregnancy that was conceived on my hubby's Birthday no less. I haven't slept in a week and am exhausted from crying.....*I* need a group as much as I think other women out there must need a group too. I have been through so many levels of shock ,disbelief, sadness, anger and rage, I  don't even know what I'm thinking and feeling anymore as I sit and wait for a baby I wanted with all my heart and soul to "pass" because an overzealous ER doctor made a foolish mistake.. I just hope that I won't have to wait another 2 years to become pregnant again....or maybe even 10 years like the first time.

This is all so very fresh to me....I am so emotional. I will post more and more as I gather information, as my goal is to make sure this NEVER happens to another woman AGAIN. PERIOD. I will go to the ends of the earth and holler it from the hilltops. I am ready to take this all the way. But in the meantime I'd love to see you all settle in and start getting to know one another, Share your stories as much as you feel comfortable. We all need to know that someone understands our feelings. As I recover, you will see me on more and more. I have big plans for this group and beyond. So join me for the ride!
by on Oct. 7, 2007 at 9:50 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2007 at 6:18 PM
wow..I feel for you! I can tell you from my experiences that the only thing that will keep you is the grace of God!. He put me in a huge "grace bubble". Let me tell you about me. My name is Racheal and I have 1 beautiful sweet 8 year old. I have been pregnant 7 times. The first was in 1995 at the time my husband and I weren't married. We were expecting a little boy, we had his named picked out and everything. I was on the medicaid program at the time. The doctor that I went to had told me everything was fine and "normal"! The whole pregnancy I had cramps,spotting,and fluid leakage. When I was about 61/2 months along I awoke to severe pain like never before. I couldn't get out of bed. My mom called the Dr. office and they said to rush me over right away. don't you know when I got there they had me wait in the waiting room for 45minutes. It was horrible. Finally they rushed me to the trauma hospital an hour and a half away. They tried to use meds. to halt the labor but it was too late. I gave birth to a 1lb.8oz. little boy.  He managed to stay alive for 20 minutes before he went. I was so angry with the doctor. I belive with my whole heart that if I had been married and had good insurance that the outcome would have been different. The doctor has since retired.(many of my friends have had difficulties with him). The next time I found out that I was pregnant was 3 years after I was married to my husband 1998. My new Dr. was very thorough and at 3 months I underwent surgery for a cercloge(sewed my cervix) I was put on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. In May I delivered my little miracle through c-section. We started to plan for more children about 1 1/2 years later. The next two pregnancies were miscarraiges then came the e-topic that they didn't think was an e-topic at first. I had went to a sono appt. and the tech. said I would have to wait in the room while she called the doctor. The doctor told me to go straight to the emergency room. I had blood work done there but my levels were still climbing at the normal rate and I wasn't in any pain. The Dr. said that at those levels if it was e-topic that I should be on the floor doubled over in pain. He said to ease my mind that they would go in with a scope and look around to rule that out. The next thing I remember is waking up in my room and my Dr. telling me it was e-topic and I was a very lucky lady and that he had saved my tube. The next pregnancy was a false pregnancy.Thats where you are pregnant in the beginning and then the egg doesn't get fertilized enough. This last pregnancy was in April 2007 all was looking well until the sono. I was having a molar pregnancy. I often wonder how much scar tissue I have! My husband and I are not giving up. God is in control.This has given me much relief. it is no ones fault on what happens. (easier said than done...I know) I just lean on my faith in God and know that he knows what is best.
I don't know if this will help anyone but if you want to talk I'm here.
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2007 at 4:27 PM
Hi Ladies. Ayla I am sorry for your loss and have never until Iread your post saw another story soooo similar to mine. I have spoken about it once 7 years ago when it happened and never again until now. I felt compelled to let you know that you are not alone. Here is my story. I found out i ws pregnant via a home test and scheduled a doctor visit(waay too soon, I now know). I was five weeks and my OB was concerned because he saw a sack and no baby. He sent me to another lab to have an ultrasound. The tech didn't see anything in the sac either(they all should have known it was just too early. I know that now,but not then and everything happened so quickly). She did see what she thought however was liquid in my tube, not sure if it was the pregnancy. I was sent straight to the hospital after she called my doctor. He was off duty, so one of the other partners at the practice, who was on call at the hospital explained that they would make an incision over each ovary insert a camera and inject die in my tubes to get a better look and if there ws no ectopic,ten it must be blighted ovum so he would do a D%C and examine the tissue. That was all me and my fiancee were told would be done. I was out under and when I came to, I was told there was no ectopic, so he performed the D&C and the tissue came back with no fetal signs, so he was baffled and (without my consent)gave me a shot of methotrexate. the next morning when I was given an ultrasound and the tech, not only saw the sac intact, but there was a baby with a hearbeat. She called the dr in and as long as i live I will never forget the look of shear terror in his face. i could only see his face. He questioned the tech and tried to convince her that it was my heartbeat, so she timed them both. He left the room without ever saying a word to me. The rest of that day was a blur, so I only remember bits and pieces without my finace filling me in. I was discharged and placed in the care of a perinatologist. However, I do remember Dr.Nueman telling us(as if we were idiots. I am not a dr, but I do not medicine injected into the bloodstream that is designed to kill newly developing cells has no one destination. it will go wherever it needs to, to kill those cells including the uterus)that the methotrexate is only for ectopics , so it will only go to my tubes and go home and take large doses of folic acid, so it will counteract the meth. Can you belive that BS?(He was named in my lawsuit..another story). My baby lived for two more weeks before the meth worked and I passed everything naturally at home. My baby survived a D&C(due to being protected by a fibroid)only to be done in by a drug administered while i was under anethesia without my permission. So, I understand how you feel. It was all too soon. if I had known then what I know now, I would have just left after the 5 week visit and returned a week or two later(if it ws ectopic, tube would not have ruptured at that point). I have had 3 preg since then including current and have nevr stepped into a doctors office prior to 8 weeks. It will be a long process, but you will heal enough to be able to think about it and talk about it and not break down. It is a double whammy when we know that the medical profession treated us with care "below the standard" and our babies were exactly where the needed to be and our bodies were fine. Please try to find some comfort in those things. XOXOXO
by Group Owner on Oct. 14, 2007 at 7:42 AM
Hello everyone. It's so wonderful to see some posts here! I am very sorry to have wandered off, and not responded. I'm still living the nightmare of blood draws every 48 hours, and ultrasounds that come just frequently enough to break my heart, and tear open the wonds that have just *barely* thought about healing. And I do mean BARELY. I am still exausted 24/7 and I cant do much but sleep odd hours and cry. This has been the worst experience of my life...I don't know how I will ever be the same person I was just a couple of weeks ago.

Ladies, thank you so much, both of you for joining my little group here. I was informed by another kind and wonderful lady on this site that there was already an ectopic pregnancy loss group. But the night I first meandered onto this site, either I wasn't searching correctly, or was just plain out of it. So when I didn't see one in existance, I decided to create my own.

I don't ever want to cause rivalry or competition. These ordeals we woman are forced to endure are horrible enough without worrying about that sort of thing.

So, for the time being, I leave this group here, if people like it and join, that's great, and if the other group is more convenient and/or more informative (as it must be, since it's obviously got to be more established than this one!) then that's fine too. ( I plan to join them there myself in addition to this group!)

I guess it's more appropriate to call this group something along the lines of "Loss due to idiotic doctors who can't tell where the heck a pregnancy is located, even though it's their JOB" But I don't think the system would allow me such a long title. ;) 

I guess what I'm trying to say is YES ectopic pregnancies are HORRIBLE. My last one was August 2005, like I mentioned earlier, but the radiologist at that time bent the rules a little for me, and even though they (the radiologist) are not supposed to give the patient any results, but report them to the doctor, who in turn will interperet it to the patient. But the radiologist  who took such great care of me last time was willing to show me exactly where the pregnancy had implanted in my was SO heartreakingly close...I just don't understand how it could get THAT close and not make it.

I thought THAT was bad enough, but unfortunately the worst was yet to have a perfecttly normal healthy pregnancy terminated because of a doctors incompetance? I dont think I will ever be the same person again. I am angry. No---take that back I am PISSED OFF that such a thing could happen. I didnt even think it was possible in this day and age with all the technology available....I fully intend to pursue this legally. I don't know what good that will do me, but maybe I can make a big enough stink that this "doctor" won't do this to anyone else.

A little update, since the first doctors visit (three days after the ER visit) my little baby has managed to grow his/her sac and yolk by a few centimeters, and the fetal poles even began to show..there was ONE day in there, last Thursday that my OB/GYN told me that I *could* be the one in a million case that got away with a methotrexate shot, and not lose the baby. yet a blood test taken that day revealed that my HCG levels had dropped by another 200 or so, and by that she pretty much said that there's no hope.

I just feel so horrible...I do ALOT of research online about health and anything related, just so that *I* know I am well informed. I have had TOO many bad experiences with doctors to have ANY kind of blind faith in them. So that night in the ER, despite the dr. practically demanding I take the methorexate, I got dressed, down to the shoes and socks, and *nearly* left. All I had to do was walk. Just walk. 

But the dr was SO insistant that I take the injection that he proceeded to terrify both my husband and myself by saying (in so many words), that there was NO chance this could be a viable pregnancy, and I was pretty much going to hemmorage and DIE in bed that night in front of my entire family, and for what? A pregnancy that NEVER would have made it anyways. Thats when I decided I was being pretty selfish, and imagining my children growing up with a dead mother...I couldnt bear the thought. Even though my intuition was SCREAMING at me to just LEAVE, I made myself go through with it. I will never be able to free myself of this burden. It's a horrible borrible feeling.

Sooo to make a really long story short, I guess THAT is what makes this ectopic pregnancy group a little different than the others. Because they weren't *really* ectopic (although many of us have suffered those as well) but there's an even larger guilt factor involved when they turn out to NOT be ectopic after all.

I just know it is going to take me quite a while, if not forever, to free myself of this guilt...even though I totally deserve it.

womanoffaith and DDA29, I am so sorry for both of your losses.  I can't imagine having to lose a baby at 6.5 months...I just don't know how I could go on. So horrible. My condolences, however belated they are, are truly heartfelt. You are a very strong woman. I hate to think ANY doctor would treat someone differently because of their marital status or financial status....but I guess it happens more than we know. I cant fathom why a person would go to all the trouble to become a healer, only to treat people so criminally. I am just so sorry.

DDA29...if you don't mind I would love to speak to you more about where and how your case proceeded. it sounds as though you may have taken some legal action yourself. Something I definitely plan to do. But so far, much to my surprise, have had a MUCH less than enthusiastic reponse from any lawyers I have contacted. I don't see how this is different than grabbing a pregnant woman off the street and forcing her to have an abortion....or even breaking into my home and murdering one of my 3 children (who are lucky to have survived the ignorant doctors in this town, and are now 15,13 and 3.5 years.

I just know that I have alot to learn, and probably a thing or two to the very least, it feels better to know that someone out there has been through the same thing, and can absolutely relate to how you are feeling.

I look forward to getting to know present and future members.
Much love
by on Oct. 22, 2007 at 4:45 PM

I went through an ectopic with a ruptured tube, had surgery, and was left with one tube.  I went through another ectopic, bled internally again, had surgery again, and was left with the fear that I would never have children. 
Eight months later I got pregnant with my daughter and everything was perfect.  She is 3 now.  Nine months after she was born I got pregnant again on the first try.  He will be 2 on Halloween.
We are trying for 3, as my name says, and I'm still scared.  I have 2 kids from one fallopian tube, and I'm very blessed.  Call me selfish, but I want one more:)  We'll see how that turns out.

As for your Dr., sue that quack!  He killed your child.  I don't mean to upset you more than you already are upset, but he'll do it again to someone else.  Being a Dr. means saving lives; not taking them away.  With my temper, that Dr. would be dead right now.  You're a better woman than me. 


Madeline 05/12/04

Kiernan 10/31/05

by New Member on Oct. 26, 2007 at 7:34 PM
Hello.  Wow, after reading your stories, I realize I am not alone...My story:  My name is Jen and I am 37 years old, I have been married for 6 years and ttc ever since.  After 2 years of not conceiving, my husband and I decided to try IUI.  After 3 or 4 unsuccessful tries, it was determined that my tubes were blocked from a previous surgery I had in 2000 to remove a large uterine fibroid.  Then in Aug. 2004, we gathered up the means to try In Vitro.  I reacted very well to the meds and they were able to retrieve 22 healthy eggs and out of those 18 fertilized perfectly.  They put two in, and unfortunately, they did not result in a pregnancy.  I found out on Aug. 27th.  Of course we were devastated, as well as financially drained.  Low and behold, my next period, which was supposed to be at the end of Sept. never came.  After being 10 days late, I took a home pg test.  It looked negative to me, however, my girlfriend who was over said "I don't know look closer, there is a faint line"...I freaked out!  I went to the store and bought 3 more tests, I was in utter disbelief and sheer joy flooded my soul!!!  They were ALL POSITIVE!  I scheduled an appt the very next morning with my OBGYN, of course I didn't sleep a wink all night, I was so excited!  I went in the next morning for bloodwork, and they confirmed my pregnancy...oh the irony! Oh the joy!  My OB scheduled another blood draw 48 hours from the first one I had...I knew EVERYTHING (I thought) about infertitlity after all I had already gone through, but when I asked about the 2nd blood draw, the doc said I just want to be sure...I had NO idea.  The thought of a tubal pregnancy never crossed my mind!  I was pregnant after all!  My dreams had finally come true.  What could possibly go wrong?  Sure enough, the morning after my 2nd beta, I received a call that my levels were dropping.  I went in right away for an u/s, but they saw nothing.  My levels continued to drop and the pregnancy 'took care of itself'.  Between then and now, I have had 4 ectopic pregnancies.  That's 4 in three years!  I am 'passing' my 4th one as I write this.  2 of them went away on their own, and 2 (1 being this one) they were able to use methotrexate...what an invasive, horrifying drug.  I think I cried hardest throughout all these failed pregnancies when they injected the poison that would ultimately stop ANY chance of possibly having a child.  I do have 8 frozen embryos from my previous ivf cycle...but it's so expensive to 'maybe' have it work...

I would love to talk with anyone who is in need.  I'm sure it would help me through these times as well. 
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2007 at 6:23 PM
Hi my name is Misty i am 25 and i have 2 heaven bound angels who are 9,8 years old
i had the names Jamie Leann & Shelby Denise pick out for them .

I just want you to know that i really don't like talking much about my heaven bound angels. It not that i don't talk about them its just hard for me cause i guess i really never got over the idea that i was pregnant one day and the next i was not having a baby anymore in my belly.

Well here is what i well say is that On December 5, 1998 i woke up with pain and didn't know what was happening i haven't had any doctors appointments with that pregnancy cause the health unit where i lived said that i wasn't pregnant but i know i was.

And then 6 months later i got pregnant again and this time everything was going fine and i was going to the doctors like i was suppose to do. and they told me i was more than 17 weeks and i was suppose to come back in a couple of weeks and get ultralsound done will i didn't get to and the father of that baby so voilent with me he drug me with his car and stuff like that and so i left him and went back with my first baby's daddy and the shelby's father got mad and stuff and would leave me alone. so we moved away and he followed me . I went back with him and i know i was stupid. then i left him again and we went to the fair one night  and on the way home that night we stopped at a park and was talking and so i told him that when i moved i had started to see someone else. He got mad and push me down before he could get me to the water so he could drown me . Both now i am with my Dh for 7 years now and i love him dearl y we have been trying to have a baby since the first day we meet and nothing has happen yet and we haven't given up hope will i have a little but i still think it may happen  
by New Member on Nov. 17, 2007 at 12:34 AM
Hi Ayla I just want to say im sorry for all you have been thru. Im sorry for all you ladies have been thru. I went thru an ep in June 07, my first and only pregnancy, one that hubby and I so desired and lost it at 5 weeks. The most painful experience of my entire life physically and emotionally as you ladies know. I had to be rushed to the ER and had laparascopy surgery and lost my right tube. I was given the option of the drug but then was told I needed the surgery bc. the pain was not subsiding with morphine and i was bleeding internally. What a horrible experience! I mean usually until something like this happens to us we dont really know about it or realize how extreme this is. Its a total shocker! Ever since I've become obsessed pretty much with reading and searching for answers. I came to cafemom to find pregnancy support and soon after pregnancy loss support.

Ayla I did start a group for ectopic because there was none when I came on board, and its slowly growing. I welcome you to join if you want to. The link is below. I joined yours after seeing it listed under one of my member's page. Its ok if there are multiple groups. TCompetition would never cross my mind! The way I see it is the more support the better. We are here to help each other, to give each other strength, talk, listen, vent, ask questions, etc... Sadly your group deals with these horrible doctors that didnt diagnose properly. I would love to help you in any way I can to put those doctors away from practicing. I wish you all the best in pursuing this legally. I know its very recent and you shouldnt rush yourself. You still have time to go back to that, so maybe try to focus on your grieving for now b4 you have to re-live the anger this doctor has caused you.

Wish you all the best. Its kind of bitter sweet to see the group growing, but you are doing a great job so get ready! These ladies are wonderful. I dont know what I would have done in the past 5 months without you all. :-)


I've started a group for ladies who have suffered ectopics:                                           Welcome here:


by New Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 1:26 AM

Hello, My name is Alissa and I am a SAHM to my 1year old angel named Emma Angel who is me and her daddy's world. I have been with my High School Sweet Heart Dustin for 3+ and together we have 4 angels. Our 1st angel we found out about on mothers Day of 2006 and soon after on 6-6-06 our angel was eat by a cyst at 7weeks. Then on 7-7-06 (1month &1day later) my face was smashed in with a beer bottle. Right after all that I ended up very depressed and countless times tried killing my self. Then on 2-12-2007 we lost our 2ed baby to a ectopic pregnancy at 8weeks. 3-4months later we conceived our 3ed angel Emma Angel. I was told not to get my hopes up for her because there was a very high risk that she too would not make it either. By 9months pregnant I was so tired of waiting for my baby to die. But finally on January 15th, 2008 my healthy miracle baby girl was born! Our 3ed Angel! And here I am again- just days after my daughters 1st Birthday my 4th angel grew her wings and went to heaven to be with the rest of her siblings and to maybe keep a better eye on her big sis Emma. On January 18th, 2009 at 12 weeks-just 2weeks after hearing her heart beat and being told she would be find and healthy she left me too. I think its sad to say-i am 21 and have already had 3 D&C's.

Rocker mom of 1 sweet angel her on Earth and 3angels up in heaven watching over there and sis!
by New Member on Mar. 6, 2009 at 11:51 AM

My name is Brittany.  My doctor told me I was 6 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby. I had an ectopic pregnancy where my baby implanted in my left falopian tube. I had found out on Friday, March 6, that I was pregnant and was so happy. We hadn't been trying and was in no shape for children, but I was so excited and told the news to everyone. I had bad cramps that day and experienced dizziness, but I just thought it was gas and normal. I am 21 years old and this was my first pregnancy. I was fine the next day and relieved, but then on Sunday, I started spotting. Everyone told me that was normal, that sometimes it happens so I wasn't worried. Even when I started bleeding heavier, I just told myself I was fine. I was in no pain. Later that night my husand came home and I passed out on the bed. He called 911, but then I woke up and he just took me to the ER his self. I was in and out of conciousness and feeling severe dizziness at this point. My blood pressure was extremly low and they gave me a few bags of fluid. I kept asking if they thought I was miscarrying and they told me that they didn't know and left me alone forever. The doc came in and told me that they thought the baby might be in my tube and they had to do an ultrasound to see where the baby was. They also began giving me blood at this point. They gave me four bags in all.  The baby was in my tube and my tube had ruptured and they took me to emergency surgery. They ended up removing my left tube.

I just keep thinking that they could have stopped it from rupturing, I know that I would have lost the baby no matter what. I asked the doctor for an ultrasound friday when I was cramping because I was afraid something was wrong. He told me that the baby would probably be to small to see and that everything was fine.  I think that it was better that it was removed though so if there was something wrong with it, it won't happen again.  I just pray that my other tube is okay.  The doctor said that he looked at it during the surgery and it looked fine.  I was so scared to even think about trying again but after hearing some success stories in the other ectopic pregnancy group, we are thinking of trying at the end of this year, after we get our house built.  I just pray that this one, will be normal.

by on Apr. 16, 2009 at 3:17 AM

Hi, my name is Stefanie and I'm 26.  I am a mom to Ella, who is 13 months old.  We were trying for number 2, when I experienced cramping and bleeding last week.  I knew at that moment I was loosing a child.  I had two negative pregnancy tests, but pregnancy symptoms for about a month.  I ended up in the ER, getting tests... and at 9PM they removed my baby and my right tube.  I also had a cyst on my ovary she drained.  I am getting over the shock and starting to grieve.  I know we would have loved this baby, and after a pretty uneventful first pregnancy I would have never thought this could happen.  I named our angel Cameron Haydin.  I think its going to be a while before we try again.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)