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Burying emotions

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 2:48 PM
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I found out I was pregnant on dec. 13 th after two months of ttc so I was excited. Started bleeding and cramping lightly a week later and after a few days when it didn't let up went to the ER on the 23rd. I was told I was miscarrying so for about 2 weeks that's what I thought. Second week more cramping and bleeding, but I figured it was just my body going through the miscarriage. This past Sunday morning I had extreme cramping and felt dizzy so went to the ER again. Started feeling better as I waited so almost just went home, but glad I didn't. Finally put the pieces together and figured out that I might have an ectopic. Had surgery that evening and removed my left tube. I don't know if my baby was even still alive at that point. No one ever found a heartbeat, but not sure if they would have. I would have been about 7 or 8 weeks along at that point.

this is the third day post surgery and I'm feeling better each day though still bleeding. My big thing is that I feel like I've really blocked out my attachment to this baby for some reason. It feels like I should be feeling differently for these past two weeks knowing that our baby is gone. I have cried some about it, but I feel like I'm really separating myself from this to protect myself or something. It's nice that I can see babies and pregnant women and not burst into tears, but it feels wrong. I know everyone is different, but I guess I'm afraid that if I'm not dealing with this now that it is going to hit me really hard later. I've been talking about it, but I guess I'm in shock at everything that has happened so I'm blocking out the pain so I can get through life and take care of my 4 year old. 

I haven't been journaling but I probably should so I can explore and release some of these buried emotions. I'm glad I found this group. 

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 2:48 PM
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Replies (1-2):
Ssuu
by New Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 9:55 AM
You are in shock I went through the same thing less then three months ago. I would have to say the first month was a blur where I just really felt detached. The emotions will come, trust me. Hang in there.
Tressa1
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 11:16 PM
This. Unfortunately I did the same. It took it a Lil while to sink in. My ectopic surgury was Oct 31. Hang in there. I pray maybe you do skip the sadness.

Quoting Ssuu: You are in shock I went through the same thing less then three months ago. I would have to say the first month was a blur where I just really felt detached. The emotions will come, trust me. Hang in there.
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