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Posted by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:04 AM
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I haven't noticed much chat going on lately so I hope ya'll are out there somewhere.  I am desperate for help from anyone on how to deal with this.  I appologize but I think it's going to be a long one.

My son (18 as of a few weeks ago)  has been "out" now for about 11 months and life around our house has been pure hell ever since. His father and I do not agree with this kind of lifestyle but know he is going to do what he wants-the only thing we asked is not to have any of it in our house around our 5 year old daughter.  He keeps meeting guys online and is not making wise choices in his life right now-in fact it took everything to keep him in school to finish his senior year which he is doing early because of this recent online "relationship".  The kid which he is "with" now (if you can technically call an on-line relationship being with someone) has already dumped him once which threw my son into such a tail spin that he ended up in a psych ward twice.  Well they're together and my son has decided he is going to move with this person who lives 2 states away.  He plans on moving the end of this week and will not even be here for Christmas-which is killing me!  He and his father had been at odds for months now and it got to the point where my son moved in with my mom for the last few weeks he's here, so I haven't even got to spend any time with him.  I feel as if part of my heart is missing. 

I am so afraid something will happen and this kid will grow tired of my son and end up dumping him then my son will be stuck 2 states away with no family, no nothing, and the high possibility of going into another major depression.  I can't talk to my husband because he doesn't want to hear it-as far as he's concerned my son is gone and that's that.  I've done my best to turn it over to God and trust he'll keep my son safe but it's driving me crazy!  I know I have no choice to let him go but it's so hard!  Anyone have any words of wisdom?


simple frown  Pamela 

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:04 AM
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by on Dec. 16, 2008 at 10:20 AM

What your describing was my/our life 3+ years ago.  It was a horrible time. ;(

Life is much better now as my son isn't making the bad choices he was then and is a very responsible adult.  Unfortunately, at 18, he's going to do what he wants to do and us, as mothers will always be there to pick them up.  You're doing the right thing in putting him in God's hands, as he will watch over him and God knows... I understand your anxiety!  Keep in mind that he WILL be back on your doorstep and you will be there for him. That is a part of life whether it's a female or male that he's in a relationship with, period.  Can you talk him into staying home, at least for Christmas?  That is very hard.  Does your 5 year old know anything that is going on and that his/her brother is moving out?  I am so sorry for your pain.  There are us other mothers out there that have been through what you are going through right now and are here to listen (read) comfort and try and help the best that we can.  Sorry for the lack of conversation in here lately... the holidays are taking up most of our time, I'm sure.

God Bless-



by on Dec. 16, 2008 at 10:35 AM





by New Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 12:22 AM

Thanks for responding ladies.  I have tried talking my son into staying at least for Christmas but his mind is made up that he is going now.  It is going to be a very difficult holiday around here I am afraid.  Our poor daughter doesn't know what to think.  Her brother is her idol and now he's gone.  She unfortunately has seen and heard a lot of the arguments and turmoil that have happened this year, even though I have tried to shield her as much as possible.  But regardless she misses him terribly-I'll just try to keep the routine as normal as possible for her.   

I know it is going to take time for everyone to heal and I also know that my son will be back-that's just how it is (everyone can see it but him of course).  We've told him he can come back and we also have again told him he doesn't have to go-we will help him get into college here and an apartment if he really wants, but again- no go.  It's like a nightmare you can't wake up from.

by on Mar. 30, 2009 at 12:26 PM

I'm just writing too you just too let you know you're not alone......Two week ago I just found out that my 17 year old son soon to be 18 on April 2nd was 'bi' he didn't even tell me in person he told me in a text. I'm so confused and a mess right now (I know that my son is going thru alot more then I am) but I have too be there for my son..Before I told my husband a week ago I was more of a mess but now that I told my husband I have such a burden lifted off my shoulder..I just  don't understand anything why it happens or anything..I just know that I have too be there for my son...I just need someone there for me at times...I know my husband is there for me too lean on but emotionally no ..This weekend we got into our first arguement since all this has happen, my husband has made this rule that my son can't spend the night at any friends house except my niece who's close too my son (my sister's house). Now that he is going too be 18 I wonder how  smooth that going too go. My husband says when you turn 18 it comes with great responsibity (he's right); getting a job, paying for everything you own, and taking responsibity in your ownself...Which my son isn't any of them..yet...So as long as he lives under his roof, he needs too follow his rules..My husband say's that rule would apply if the friend was a girlfriend, too

Well anyway, I better let you go, please response lets keep in too you later...

by Group Owner on Apr. 2, 2009 at 12:11 PM

Wow. I don't know how much more I can say the word "acceptance". You may not like it, but his is what he is going through now, and he is with someone who accepts him, but doesn't deserve him. Out of all my girls gay and straight, they have run into at least 2 relationships that have run them into the ground and I've had to help pick them back up. It's like watching a train wreck and can't do anything about it. You have to offer support. He will come out of this one way or another, but knowing you are there makes all the difference.

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