Coping

[LeeDB]

How are you handling the grief of knowing what "could have been?" Because to be honest, i still have a tough time with it...

 

 

mod:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/VTS

[mommato2angels]

Honestly for me after my son was born i was releived alittle cause I had ppd, and he was what I call a diificult baby, but now that he is three I can't help but wonder, would his twin been a girl? would they have been Idetical? Fraturnal? I get sad now, but I think that I atleast have my son, Some woman lose both twins or miscarry when they are only pregnant with one baby. So in a way I feel lucky to have my son.

 

You say "" like it's a bad thing.

[UpsideDwnMemory]

I am still having a tough time coping with this one myself. My daughter who resulted from that pregnancy is now 15 months old and I still think about the what-ifs. I actually went to a psychologist about it because I was having so much trouble dealing with this. I think we can just take it one day at a time. I have my good days and my bad ones. It still pains me to hear that someone is having twins or someone just gave brith to twins. It is also equally as hard to see twins when I am out somewhere. I immediately think that should have been me. But then, I get to feeling guilty for feeling that way because I still have a beautiful little girl from that pregnancy. Alot of people never understood the hurt. They always said to me "well, atleast you still have one" or "you should just be happy fot the one you've got". Like I am just supposed to forget this little life that was a part of me, growing inside of me for 9 weeks? No one understands unless they have been down that road. I hope that this gets easier for you. I can honestly say that it has become easier for me over time but I will never forget and neither will you and no one should expect you to either :-)   I still cry about it some days and I talk to the baby I lost....I say things like "I know you are watching over Sapphire" and "We will meet again one day". I helps me to talk to him/her as thought they are here. My husband and I plan on telling Sapphire that she started out as a twin and explain everything to her. Do you plan on doing that with your child too?
If you want to keep in touch, you are more than welcome to message me, I know how much it can help just knowing that there is someone else there who has been where you are and knows how you feel.

[dtjohnson7]

I thought about it a lot after Jake was born because even though my bf thinks it is impossible, I think that somehow Jake knows he was supposed to have someone with him and that he misses that brother or sister. Does anyone else feel that way? I believe that he needs me so much because he knows he's lost his twin. Yes, I know all babies need their mommies but I have 2 other kids and this is different. I never felt this with either of them and it's not because he is a difficult baby. My first was a difficult baby with colic and I had PPD so life was rough. Jake just likes constant reassurance that I am there by him. He did well with the Miracle Blanket but he rests even better if he is touching me. (He is 3 months old now).
I had 3 miscarriages between my first (who is 8) and my second (who is 2) but somehow it hurts even more knowing that Jake's twin is not here with us. It is strange because I had feelings on what sex they all were from the beginning which of course cannot be confirmed when you lose them so early; however, I feel Jake's twin was a boy also. I had names for all the other ones but lost this one so soon that I was too stunned to even come up with a name.
No one really talks about Vanishing Twin Syndrome. My boyfriend has a hard time conceptualizing the reality and I don't feel anyone else can even understand so I am glad this group is here.
My name is Dianna.

[LeeDB7807]

I do plan on telling Jack at some point...I want him to understand that he's not alone, and that he does have a little angel looking over him.  I was 7 weeks when I first saw the empty sac and I haven't been able to shake the image since that day.
I guess I'll get over it...someday.
Thanks for your kind words, it means alot!

[SoniaL]

I can't say I long for the other baby or really wonder what if too much.  I honestly can't imagine if I had twins at 19.  But I think it is still not concrete in that way for me.  It is like I believe it but i feel it may not be true (since it was not diagnosed).  But I started to wonder about effects on my daughter.  She is 11 now.  Maybe it is all coincidence but she is into twins, always wants someone with her (even just in the room with her while she is reading - otherwise feels "lonely"), and she LOVES to dress exactly the same as her 3 yr old sister.  I am shocked by that last one since you don't expect that of an 11 yr old.

[kristinas8]

I was 3 months along, when I started bleeding and cramping. I went to the emergency room and they did an ultrasound and said that the babies heart was beating. I bled for 6 weeks. The dr. told me I had miscarried a twin. That was my 3rd term pregnancy. She is 13 now and a very difficult child. I still wonder what her twin would have been like. I've had many miscarriages. But, I've also got 7 living children. I guess I am coping fine, I just keep wondering what she would have been like.