Our prayers have been answered.....or so we think.
My husband and I have been in contact with a BM for quite some time now. (She is due in early Nov.) We talk about every other day and have met with her once - she lives out of state. Up until now, all of our conversations have been very positive. She has never seemed to waiver in her decision to place her baby with us.
Unfortunately, a couple of days ago she was in a situation where people were making inappropriate comments to her about placing the baby up for adoption. This seemed to shake her up quite a bit. She said that she hesitated telling me about it b/c she didn't want us to think that she is changing her mind. Unfortunately, that's exactly what it did.
I listened to her and was as supportive as I could be. i cannot pretend to know what she is going through and my heart breaks when I think of how difficult this decision must be for her. I wish she had a better support group.
Any suggestions on how I can get myself, and my husband, through these next couple of weeks?
How can I help the BM? She said that she would prefer a support group rather than a counselor.
I would continue to keep communication open!!! And the biggest thing I've heard and read is that if you make a promise for an open dialogue continuing after the baby is here you must keep that promise. Are you going through an agency??? Most (good) agencies have 24 hour support to give to the bmoms. I bet even if you aren't going with an agency if she called one with an 1800 number they would be willing to listen and help.
Congrats on being so far along in the adoption process!
I can't wait to be there!
Good Luck and I hope this message helps.
Thank you so much for your suggestion.
We were signed up with an agency but the BM found us on her own via our profile on-line. Therefore, I hadn't thought of having her call an agency for some more support. That's a good idea.
We have continued to talk a couple of time a week. The baby is due shortly and we are getting more and more excited everyday.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that she isn't getting a good support system. There are so many cruel people out there who tend to make mountains out of mole hills unfortunately. I feel for both of you. I pray that God will do what is best for the baby, you, and the BM. There is a reason that she contacted you, I can't imagine that she'd change her mind on you if you have developed a trusting relationship with her. I agree....show her MORE support than she gets resistance, and continue to comfort her by telling her you intend on keeping this open! I will pray that you get your bundle of joy and forever family this November.
I know exactly how you feel. Our bm went (and still is) going through the same situation. Everyone deserves to have their own opinion even if they are ignorant. Our bm told people that she is blessing another mother with her baby. And that is exactly what she did. We have a beautiful 6 month old boy. I was lucky enough to be invited by bm to spend a lot of time with her in person and on the phone, she turned to me for support and I made myself very available. She ended up letting me in the delivery room and I even cut my sons cord! It was amazing. My suggestion is to do a lot of listening and be extremely sympathetic to her emotions. We still have an amazing relationship. We speak at least 3 times a week. I fell
in love with her and she still needs my support. Good luck, I am sure all will turn out as planned.
Thank you so much for your support and encouraging words. It truly means a lot. we are getting closer and closer to the baby's due date and we are so excited and yet we are trying to keep ourselves grounded. The BM seems to be doing well and we still talk often. There is no way I can fully explain to her how much she means to us. We really do care a lot about her and are amazed how this one person is going to change our life.
I know the day that the baby is born (and the day we all leave the hospital) is going to be so emotional. I struggle with the fact that such a joyous occasion for us is going to be such a difficult time for her.
We have also been trying to figure out what to give to her when the baby is born. How can anything we do even compare with the gift that she is giving to us?
Any suggestions?
Quoting kristen308:
Thank you so much for your support and encouraging words. It truly means a lot. we are getting closer and closer to the baby's due date and we are so excited and yet we are trying to keep ourselves grounded. The BM seems to be doing well and we still talk often. There is no way I can fully explain to her how much she means to us. We really do care a lot about her and are amazed how this one person is going to change our life.
I know the day that the baby is born (and the day we all leave the hospital) is going to be so emotional. I struggle with the fact that such a joyous occasion for us is going to be such a difficult time for her.
We have also been trying to figure out what to give to her when the baby is born. How can anything we do even compare with the gift that she is giving to us?
Any suggestions?
Just continually remind her that this will be open, and that she will ALWAYS know what's going on with the gift that she has blessed you with. I feel that this may be the best gift that you can give to her if this was your agreement. I saw a lot of the anxieties on the BM forum about so many of these adoptions starting off as Open, and not being so after a stretch of time. Good luck sweetie.
Quoting kristen308:
We have also been trying to figure out what to give to her when the baby is born. How can anything we do even compare with the gift that she is giving to us?
Any suggestions?
Maybe an album that she can place photos you will send her as the baby grows up. I have heard other a-moms who have given a charm to symbolize the love you all share for the baby (a heart, a circle to show how you are all still connected.) My son's birthmother wanted no contact so we didn't have the chance to get her anything. I have just sent my first packet to the agency to hold for her in case she ever wants contact. I made up a few sheets of photos for her and will continue to do so in the future. Best of luck!
Blog For Another Family
- kristen308
on Sep. 25, 2008 at 11:37 PM