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Everyone thinks he is great and I am just causing a stir...

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2011 at 3:45 PM
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My best friend of 12 years read a post I made in another group on here about him detailing a fight we had had and how I was scared and thinking about leaving. How I did not want to tolerate him cussing me out anymore in front of our daughter or driving like a maniac in the car when he is pissed. It is true that he he has never ever hit me, but he has neglected me emotionally. He has yelled at me when I am just trying to talk. For a very long time he was downright cruel. I have decided to try to make it work with him because he says he is willing to get help. That however, remains to be seen. He has been "looking" for a therapist for 6 weeks and we live in a the 16th largest city in the US, so this should not be that hard. I am still in love with him. I guess that is why I was staying.

Anyhow, my best friend, my sister pretty much, told me I was making him out to be a monster online and that that is very wrong. I posted to my FB status the other day that I thought my marriage was over and my heart was crushed and one of SIL's friends, someone I like a lot, said that I really need to stop running to divorce over every little thing and that I should call a close friend or a family member if I need to talk about my feelings because nobody on facebook needs to see that. I can't talk to my friends because they all just get super uncomfortable and tell me they don't want to take sides and my mom is abusive so I feel like I have nowhere in the world to turn. Every place I go the doors get slammed in my face so I am just down about that today.

by on Apr. 17, 2011 at 3:45 PM
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Replies (1-3):
starlighthippie
by New Member on Apr. 17, 2011 at 3:57 PM

Oh and the thing is also that I can see her point that sometimes he is great. Sometimes he does wonderful amazing things for me, but other times when I try to talk to him he cusses me out and tells me to shut the fuck up and stuff like that. He puts me down a lot, but he is "just kidding".

Momof1015
by Group Owner on Apr. 18, 2011 at 8:20 AM

Emotional abuse is not easy to live with, actually some say it is worse than physical abuse.  I believe it to be true.  Many abusive men look like a nice guy to others but behind closed doors they are a "different" person. My ex was an expert at hiding his abusive behavior from others, but unfortunately, he could not hide it from me. I was the witness to his abusive behavior and it did not matter what anyone else thought because I was the one dealing with it.  Your friends do not understand because they "see a nice guy", but they do not live with him. Stand your ground in spite of what they say.  If they do not support you, then you have to turn those who do, Facebook is wonderful in that we can associate with others for support.  Whatever you do, do not settle for less, know that you deserve the best because you gave the best of yourself!  I wish you the best. Keep your head up and let us know how you are doing!

 

Momof1015
by Group Owner on Apr. 18, 2011 at 8:43 AM


Quoting starlighthippie:

Oh and the thing is also that I can see her point that sometimes he is great. Sometimes he does wonderful amazing things for me, but other times when I try to talk to him he cusses me out and tells me to shut the fuck up and stuff like that. He puts me down a lot, but he is "just kidding".

 

Abusive men  do that all of the time. Sometimes they are nice and sometimes they are not. They swing back and forth like this to maintain their control.  They keep you off balance with their Jeckyl & Hyde personality.   If it does not "feel right" than it isn't ok.  It is no joke if he degrades your value.  His " just kidding" is just an excuse for him to escape accountability for his behavior.  If you accept him saying that he was "just kidding", he gets away with the abusive behavior.  It's not a joke especially if you are not laughing, right?? He is just trying to get away with his behavior by telling you he was "just kidding' Do not settle for less! Wish you the best!

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