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I feel like a failure
I cannot breastfeed, because Tyler aspirates (chokes) on the milk where it goes into his lungs, and lowers his oxygen level. I do pump, and he gets breastmilk, a little formula (for the calories), and a thickener. He generally likes to sit up to eat, but if we are moving around or I'm cradle holding him, he tries to nurse. The other night he was sucking on my bra and the bottle nipple the whole time he ate. Then last night i was wearing a tank top with no bra, and he found my nipple and latched on more or less. I feel so bad. I wasn't sure if I was going to nurse anyway, but now that I can't, and he wants to I feel horrible. We go back for a video swallow in December to see how he does, but I don't think he will do very well. When does the natural need/want to nurse go away in babies?
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- by on Nov. 25, 2009 at 4:44 PM
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Don't feel like a failure. I was in the same boat. My son was 6.5 weks early and in the NICU for 32 days. I really badly wanted to nurse, but being in the NICU, I was unable to be at every three hour feeding. When I was there (most of the feedings), I tried to nurse him, but he would get frustrated and upset and then his m onitors would start going off. The nurses explained that preemies are not born with enough fat in their cheeks to suction as much as they need to in able to nurse well. Needless to say he took to the bottle better than the breast, and although I wanted to nurse, I was willing to feed him however they needed me to in order to get him home the fastest!
I pumped religiously for several weeks, and I also kept trying at nursing when he came home, but he just never took to it as well as he did the bottle. He still gets breastmilk in the bottle, but its supplemented with formula as well. Sometimes I think he wants to nurse because he is rooting around and sucking my shirt in the general area, but as soon as I try he just gets mad.
I know how you are feeling, but just know that you are doing what is best for your baby, and he will never know the difference, and he won't hold it against you! :)
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- by on Nov. 25, 2009 at 7:57 PM
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My story is almost identical to Ashley's, except I had supply issues as well which probably added to DD's frustration. Absolutely do not feel like a failure! There are so many possible issues that come into play with preemies, that sometimes it just doesn't work out. The important thing is that you are doing what's best for your baby... and feeding him in a way that prevents him from having lowered oxygen levels is being a good mommy! (((hugs)))
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Mom to Caieta, born at 33 weeks gestation:
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- by on Dec. 23, 2009 at 8:44 AM
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Don't feel like a failure! Don't give up on nursing! Keep pumping! I pumped for 4 months or so before I was actually able to get my little guy to latch on! It was well worth it! Successfully nursed him til he was 13 months! You can do it MAMA! All you mamas can. It's alot of hard work but as long as you stick with it!
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- by on Dec. 28, 2009 at 2:52 PM
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PLEASE don't feel like a failure!!!! It took me a long time to "get over" the fact that breastfeeding didn't work for us (nicu bottles, low tone, tongue protrusion, supply issues, etc.) and I think reading all of the breastfeeding posts on CM made it worse sometimes. You are doing the absolute best that you can for your little guy and for you! If pumping is continuing to work well for you, keep it up. If at some point it isn't, don't beat yourself up... making it 4 1/2 months is AMAZING. How you feed Tyler isn't as important as THAT you feed him. You are being the best possible Mommy that you can be, whether he's direct breastfeeding or not. Just relax and enjoy him!
