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I still feel robbed of that whole birth experience

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 I hate feeling this way.   I see friends going full term and I get jealous in a way.   A way that I was robbed of precious time that she should have stayed growing  and the whole labor and delivery experience.   My dd was born at 31 6/7 after someone hit me in my van and took off.  They tried for 2 days to stop the labor and finally when the contractions stopped I sat up in bed and my water broke.  They never caught the driver who hit me and even now 6 months later I am just heartbroken.   I am sure alot of us feel robbed like this.  How do you cope with it?   My daughter is growing well and thriving but will possibly need a major surgery in the coming months.   All this adds to my emotions.  

How do you cope.  

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Replies (11-18):
blondieinva80
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:21 PM
It's completely and utterly devastating. It's been hard to see moms that went full term be able to breastfeed their babies,where my body wasn't ready and I couldn't produce much cause 12 weeks on a pump doesn't help your milk come in at all and when baby doesn't latch makes it worse. Add on top of that nit actually getting to see my baby til he was hours old and then not getting to hold him til he's 3 weeks old was soooo hard.
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Graceplustwo
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:35 PM
I totally understand. I was very upset when the doc told me they were going to induce after I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia . I never got my professional maternity pics and my Co worker baby shower. More than anything I was bummed about not doing a belly cast and all the empty pages in my preg book. My LO was born at 35 wks but only 3.9 lbs. This is my pop first and last child because I was so sick and I have 2 SS. I was induced for hours and my daughters heart rate kept dropping,so I had an emergency c section ( which I did not want)
My.older Sister ,cousin and best friend all were preggers with me. All of them had full term ,vag deliveries. Even my cousin who smoked ciggs and weed her whole pregencey .I had my perfect birth plan and was ALL ABOUT IMMEDIATE SKIN TO SKIN( not cleaned off, from vag to boob lol) and of course with a c section I did not get that. She barely touched my face before wisking her away to nicu.i was in surgery for 3 hrs because of all the xtra flud in my bodybfrom PE.it was hours,before I got to even see my baby. She was in nicu for 2 Weeks and I felt like a part time mom. I still think back ( 6 months) and wish I had those taMemories of taking care of her umbilical cord, giving her first bath at home .taking her home the next day... But everything happens for a reason and God is good all that matters is a healthy baby in the end
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Graceplustwo
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:44 PM
Agreed so sick of all these moms who think they are better hey parents because they exclusively breastfed I also was unable to produce enough milk it was heartbreaking I wanted and still want more than anything
to breastfeed


Quoting blondieinva80:

It's completely and utterly devastating. It's been hard to see moms that went full term be able to breastfeed their babies,where my body wasn't ready and I couldn't produce much cause 12 weeks on a pump doesn't help your milk come in at all and when baby doesn't latch makes it worse. Add on top of that nit actually getting to see my baby til he was hours old and then not getting to hold him til he's 3 weeks old was soooo hard.

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blondieinva80
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:06 PM
I really haven't had anyone make me feel bad cause I couldn't do it. One of my moms employees was willing to donate her milk for me cause she knew I wasn't producing enough. I think I've always been harder on myself then anything cause my body failed me so badly and. I couldn't continue the pregnancy,then all the problems my ds has had.
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AmesCSki
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:49 AM
That's kinda how I am...I feel my body failed me when my water broke at 34 weeks and my body failed me because I've not been able to produce very much milk for my baby. All I wanted was to exclusively breastfeed my baby but when it came down to it, her health was the most important thing and of course she has to eat so we use the preemie formula and as I said before we are working on solids. How frustrating all this is but again we are so lucky to have our special preemies, our little fighters :)


Quoting blondieinva80:

I really haven't had anyone make me feel bad cause I couldn't do it. One of my moms employees was willing to donate her milk for me cause she knew I wasn't producing enough. I think I've always been harder on myself then anything cause my body failed me so badly and. I couldn't continue the pregnancy,then all the problems my ds has had.

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blondieinva80
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM
Exactly! I love my son more then anything and wouldn't trade him for a "normal" baby. What kind of solids have you tried so far? My son is 5 months today and I started him on cereal at 4 months and started veggies last week.
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AmyParent
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:41 PM
I still feel that way . It's been 4 years. :/ I was very sick and didn't get to see her often. I wish I had even had the chance to bf and we didn't. Anyway it's not often I feel like it but I do ache to be pregnant and bond with a newborn a lot.
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cheerwin
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:52 AM

I can't imagine any preemie mom not feeling this way.  It feels like everything you worked hard for in the first and second trimester was taken from you.  When you decide to have a baby you set your expectations for everything, pregnancy, birthing, parenting, raising... And the one thing that should be in your control as a mother is wildly out of control.  My daughters are 6 now and I still feel that way, but when I look at them being kids and doing little girl things and they can walk and they are smart and they are kind, I am reminded that I am very lucky they are even here at all.

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