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What"s the difference...?

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 9:31 AM
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I'm curious. This is not directed at anyone, it's just a question, so please don't get offended. I welcome opinions different from mine so there's no need to be harsh. That's my disclaimer, here's my question:

When the custodial parent has somewhere to go or something to do that cannot involve the child (work, party, date, whatever) they find a babysitter, daycare, or family member to watch the child. When that parent has a SO, usually the SO watches the child. But a lot of custodial parents get upset if the other parent does the same thing. Like when dad has the kids for the weekend, but leaves them with someone else while he runs errands or whatever.
What's the difference?
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 9:31 AM
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bestmomIcanbe
by Group Owner on Jun. 22, 2007 at 11:37 AM
I have noticed this as well.  I think the difference is women expect men to do the same things they do ie spend as much time with the kids doing day to day things for them, and what I have learned is men are just different than us.  Most of them don't want the typical mommy duties and when they get remarried they try and pawn their responsibilites off on the new wife.  I have read on this board and others that really angers some biomoms because they don't want another woman taking care of their kids and feel that the father should be doing it.  I agree, but it's kind of hard when you are already doing those "mommy" things for your own child.  How do you treat your SK like they are part of the family, but pass all of the daily care of that child to the father?  It's a very delicate balance. 
bresmama
by New Member on Jun. 24, 2007 at 7:51 PM
Personally I think that its different in every situation. 


But...as a BM and a SM...


seriously...


a lot of people take care of my son..that aren't me.  My mom, his daycare providers, my sisters, my hubby's family, etc.  Just because someone takes care of my kid doesn't mean that they're trying to be his mother...right?


I just don't get that part of it..never will.  Why wouldn't I feel lucky and even be happy about the fact that my son gets to be loved by extra people.  Its a bonus to me and to him!  I seriously think that its only people that are insecure about their role as a mother who would mind a SM helping to take care of their child (unless there are concerns about abuse, etc.)!  No matter what my son knows who his mama is, just as my Skids do.  But its ok for them to love me, and for me to love them.  It enriches their lives, and mine too.  I think that their BM would agree with that.  It takes way more then DNA to make a parent a parent IMO.  Families can be made of up of whatever works best for them. 
FooFooMom
by on Jun. 24, 2007 at 9:58 PM

Quoting bresmama:

Personally I think that its different in every situation. 


But...as a BM and a SM...


seriously...


a lot of people take care of my son..that aren't me.  My mom, his daycare providers, my sisters, my hubby's family, etc.  Just because someone takes care of my kid doesn't mean that they're trying to be his mother...right?


I just don't get that part of it..never will.  Why wouldn't I feel lucky and even be happy about the fact that my son gets to be loved by extra people.  Its a bonus to me and to him!  I seriously think that its only people that are insecure about their role as a mother who would mind a SM helping to take care of their child (unless there are concerns about abuse, etc.)!  No matter what my son knows who his mama is, just as my Skids do.  But its ok for them to love me, and for me to love them.  It enriches their lives, and mine too.  I think that their BM would agree with that.  It takes way more then DNA to make a parent a parent IMO.  Families can be made of up of whatever works best for them. 
I have to agree.  The more people that love my daughter the better for her.  I am a BM and a SM.  My SK's BM has gotten a job and she has her live in BF watch the kids sometimes, and other times she just leaves them home alone.  They are 12, 11, 8, and 6.  Now she has a holy fit when my DH works and the kids are left here with me.  She thinks he should take them to his parents house for them to watch.  Now they are 75 and 78.  She is constantly asking if they can stay for extra days until she gets home from work.  Does she think that my DH  should take a day off work?  My FIL golfs two days a week and those are the two days she asks us to keep them.  I try to understand her, but I am really confused.  I don't mind having the kids the extra time, we do alot of fun stuff, we go to the zoo and the science center (we have memberships to both that were gifts, so it does not cost us anything to do these things) and to the pool.  She yells and says that we are trying to make her look bad to the kids.  I wish she would understand that is not our intention.  I am fortunate enough to have been able to take a few months off work this summer, ( only because I have worked 65 hour weeks the past year,)  and I want to enjoy the time off with the kids.  We just want the kids to have  a good time and have a happy and carefree childhood.  I wish she would love her children as more than she hates me.  My daughters SM and I get along great. I am happy that my daughter has another mother to love her.  
AustinsMommy415
by on Jun. 29, 2007 at 10:00 AM
In our case she says it is cause the kids live with her so it is different.

Melissa
dragonfly43
by on Jun. 29, 2007 at 11:00 AM
In our case DH and BM have joint custody.  DH has primary residence, which simply means the kids live with us.  She has visitation.  When the kids were a little younger DH would go on business trips out of the country for 1-2 weeks.  DH alwasy gave her the right of first refusal.  At first she would take them, then as time went by she would just let me keep them.  If she did take them it would only be a a few days.  Her involvement with them in the last 4 yrs, has greatly reduced.  Her choice completely.    Every now and then when her maternal falmes actually start to burn or there is someone she is trying to impress, she gets mad and calls DH to say 'I am their mother and I have the right to take care of them" 

Regarding my BK's I feel the more people that were around to care for and love them the better for them.
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