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I'm heartbroken and lost. *update*

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:37 PM
  • 16 Replies

Update: I had a long talk with my SIL. I know what I have to do, I just need to find the energy to do it. I'm sure the problem also lies with me. Thank you everyone for your kind words. It really means a lot.



I've been really upset the past few days. My daughter has always preferred her daddy. Which is fine. But lately she doesn't want anything to do with me at all. It's to the point where I'm afraid to even look at her because she gets mean and hateful. She starts screaming and throwing punches and kicks. I can't touch her, she won't let me play with her. I'm heartbroken because I can't even hold my own damn child. When I get upset about it my DH gets pissed at me. He's always telling me, "oh she loves you". She might love me, but she sure as hell don't like me. That much is obvious. He doesn't understand what it feels like to be neglected by your own child. I'm the one that takes care of her every day. I don't even feel like her mother anymore. I just feel like I'm watching and taking care of someone else's kid. I've grown to resent her. I don't know what to do. I love her so much, but at the same time I don't because of the way she's making me feel. 

I'm bawling as I'm writing this. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want her to be able to come to me for anything. She's only 2.5, but she's been this way off and on since she was born. It's just gotten worse. I don't know what I've done to make her hate me so much. 

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
roxy85
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:41 PM

Maybe she's just around you too much? Maybe dad acts more fun than you do? I WOULD NOT take a toddlers parental preference personally. That's a stage that kids go through. My boys have days where they will kick me out the room and close the door to spend time with their dad. Other days they're up my butt and want nothing to do with him. On the days they don't want me around I go do my own things which is nice...

miller060905
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:41 PM

my oldest was/is like that.... she goes through phases though that she likes me a little better.  it's hard.  sorry mama! 

my youngest on the other hand though is the complete opposite.... she won't let her dad do anything for her.... sometimes it is frusterating for me.

 

sorry i'm not much help!  ((hugs))

sweettigeress
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:47 PM

If it's a stage she's been going through it for 2 years. I wish there were times she'd want to be "up my butt". She's like that even when daddy is at work. I never get to spend time with DH anymore. When he gets home from work it's all about them. And when he's off work, it's all about them. I try to play with them but she tells me to go away. I tell her I'm going to play too and she screams and won't stop till I leave. I just can't take it anymore.

Quoting roxy85:

Maybe she's just around you too much? Maybe dad acts more fun than you do? I WOULD NOT take a toddlers parental preference personally. That's a stage that kids go through. My boys have days where they will kick me out the room and close the door to spend time with their dad. Other days they're up my butt and want nothing to do with him. On the days they don't want me around I go do my own things which is nice...


MK-Stephanie_Pencil.jpg picture by sillybear1983

mommy3378
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:47 PM

My 3.5yr old prefers her grandpa over any person on this universe. She knows how to call his number on the phone, and does constantly! She throws the biggest fits when I try to pick her up from his house when she is over there. She tells me all the time papa is her favorite, and she hates home. And I for the life of me cannot understand it, i do EVERYTHING for her, I give her everything, she has so much and I do so much for her! I can't understand what I am doing wrong for her to always want to be over there. I try REALLY hard not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does. I think is it because I yell at her sometimes? Or I dont play with her everytime she wants me to because I am busy cleaning or cooking? 
It is really hard, I am sorry I dont have any advice,but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there!! And if you need to vent I'll listen!! 

sweettigeress
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:49 PM

Maybe she likes it better over there because you're not there to discipline her? My dd loves it at her great grandparents house because they let her to whatever she pleases. I swear it was them that ruined my child. She had to stay with them for a whole month when I broke my foot. Of course DH picked her up after work, but you can imagine the influence. 

Quoting mommy3378:

My 3.5yr old prefers her grandpa over any person on this universe. She knows how to call his number on the phone, and does constantly! She throws the biggest fits when I try to pick her up from his house when she is over there. She tells me all the time papa is her favorite, and she hates home. And I for the life of me cannot understand it, i do EVERYTHING for her, I give her everything, she has so much and I do so much for her! I can't understand what I am doing wrong for her to always want to be over there. I try REALLY hard not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does. I think is it because I yell at her sometimes? Or I dont play with her everytime she wants me to because I am busy cleaning or cooking? 
It is really hard, I am sorry I dont have any advice,but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there!! And if you need to vent I'll listen!! 


MK-Stephanie_Pencil.jpg picture by sillybear1983

jllange
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:52 PM

That sounds heartbreaking to me. I'm so sorry. I really hope that my son doesn't ever hit a phase like that, I would be devastated too. Wish I had advice for you.

AmelieH
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:53 PM

 I have no advice, but I wanted to give you a bump and ((HUGS))

Amnestie3
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:54 PM

I'm so sorry mama! What is your husband doing about it? Seems to me that it lies in his court to fix that issue with you two not spending time together when he isn't at work.

miriamz
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:07 PM

Awwww *hugs* mama.

NZBlonde
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:07 PM

 Man - poor you - if this was my child I'd plan one day a fortnight or week where we go and do one thing really fun... if she didnt like it Id make her do it - tanty, kicking and screaming and all... its a pity your partner isnt a little more supportive and persistent in getting her to respect you. My feelings are that if you dont stop it now shes going to grow up thinking she can get away treating you like that and also other people. Once she realises you can have fun together she might get over it. A child that age doesnt even know what hate is... so dont take it to heart - its merely a bad habbit that they have seen/learnt from somewhere else. Just keep spending time with her...

Hope things get better.

big smile mini

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