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Just a vent

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:36 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hi ladies,

This group is always so nice, I just need a place to vent...so I'm coming here.

I've just had a bad week and need some virtual and real hugs. I had my Methotrexate chemo this week (I have osteosarcoma, bone cancer) and just got out yesterday. I had to go and pick up my wedding dress and it didn't fit, at all. Like...it was so small, it wouldn't even close...talk about feeling fat! They measured me and I am the same, so I have no idea what went wrong. They did some alterations and let it out and had it ready this morning. I was in Tampa this morning (I live an hour and a half from David's Bridal) for an MRI, CT, and surgeon appointment...and my dress was ready and they never called. So, now I get to go out tomorrow again and hope it fits. Did I mention I have to go back in the hospital Saturday for more chemo? I'll be in until Tuesday, my wedding is next Saturday (April 10th). I'm just getting super stressed over it all. I am happy I can actually walk at my wedding (my surgery is April 21)...it's just that my chemo schedule got pushed back and everything is jolting together.

Then, I had my appointment with my surgeon today. I guess the severity of my situation is hitting me. I'm never going to run again or play sports. I have to have a tibia replacement (metal rod) as well as a full knee hinge replacement. I also have to have skin grafts and plastic surgery to remove excess scar tissue from previous surgeries that may have cancer in them. Then, the kicker is I can't move my leg for 6 weeks at all. He also said I should be able to straighten out my knee in one or two years. I also have to have another surgery to move around the tendons and muscles left in my lower leg so I can walk without a brace on my foot, since I'll lose function of that too. The idea of doing all this and going through chemo (12 days in hospital a month) until September makes me want to cry.

I'm a positive person, I just need a hug. I never thought at 23 I'd be dealing with all of this. I'm supposed to be in graduate school (luckily they deferred my admission to January 2011, thank goodness), spending time with my daughter, and saving up money. For the past few months, I can't even work, I feel sick all of the time, and I'm away from my family for half of the month. I hate complaining but don't want to let my family see me so down in the dumps. It's so hard on them too...them seeing me upset and crying would only make it worse. It just sucks. If you've read this far, thank you...I'm sorry if I didn't make much sense. I've been up since 5:00 a.m. and am still suffering from "chemo brain".

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi


by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:36 PM
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Replies (1-8):
BabyTeki
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:39 PM

*BIG HUG* and good luck with everything you have going on!!

HollyBerry727
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:39 PM

 I'm so sorry. Sending Hugs your way. I hope everything works out, and Congratulations on your wedding!!

prdmomof2boys
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:47 PM

i'm sorry you're going through all this. sending hugs and prayers your way. you'll get through it. who knows, you might even surprise the dr and be able to do things before he said you would. try to keep a positive attitude. congrats on the wedding, and good luck mamma!

xxLukesMamaxx
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:07 PM

hugs I swear to you I cry everything I read one of your posts! You are such a sweet girl and it is not fair that you have to go through all of this!!! You are such a strong woman and if anyone deserves a vent it's YOU! Please anytime you want to talk PM me. I'm so happy your getting married! April is a great month for a wedding! Congratulations and I really wish I could give you a REAL hug!

mommypip
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:09 PM

Wow! You really do need a hug hugging I hope your recovery goes well and your wedding is beautiful.

CallieLynsMommy
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:28 PM

Thanks so much ladies, this is why I love you all, so supportive! I had a good cry and think I'm okay now, thank you so much for the hugs! You all are very, very appreciated!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi


Jacinda26
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:30 PM

hugsI pray everything goes well.

goallyrose
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:39 PM

Geeze momma! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that! Huge virtual hug to you!

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