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Not sure if I should post this here...(long vent with a little backstory for those who don't know)

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:07 PM
  • 7 Replies

But I've GOT to get this off my chest! I can't stand it anymore!

Five years ago I met DH and he had his two kids, needed help so I stepped in. For a SOLID YEAR BM refuses to have anything to do with these kids. DH and I have our first daughter, BM steps back into the picture.

Fast forward a year. BM now has the steps and is moving around, changing her phone number so DH can't get in touch with her to see his kids. So we decide to go to court. While the courts are hunting her down she keeps calling from private numbers to our house threatening DH and our daughter (she doesn't know about me being pregnant with our son). In an effort to protect our new baby from her ranting we have the phones disconnected, and I deliver in another county so she doesn't find out from the newspapers that we've had another baby. During this time, the stress from her constantly calling and the courts having problems locating her causes my placenta to disconnect and begin slipping. The doctors caught it in time and put me on bedrest, with strict orders that all stress be eliminated from my daily activities.

Year number three ushers in the first visitation agreement DH and BM has together. Steps start visiting twice a week and EOWE. BM tells SK's that my daughter and son are not their sister and brother because (and I quote) "True sisters and brothers have the same mommy and daddy." (her words, not mine). This upsets the SK's and DH tells BM that she needs to back off. She doesn't like this, and calls CPS telling them that we are verbally harrassing her kids.

Year number four ushers in another YEAR of dealing with CPS becuase DH has started taking over the punishment of all the kids. (He believes in a pop on the butt, she doesn't think he should be allowed to punish the kids at all). We agree to parenting classes only to get BM off our backs. This is the year where BM tells DH that if he doesn't agree to what she gives him then she will continue to call CPS on us, even if she has to make something up, until CPS gets tired of it and takes all of DH's kids (including the two he has with me) away from him. DH gives in and submits to once a week and EOWE. Also, since we had a 2 bedroom trailer that we were BUYING, DS was diagnosed with high-metabloism and is supposed to have increase calories (that we couldn't afford to do, it was all we could do to buy food for the kids, most of the time the only time DH and I ate was when there was left-overs of what the kids didn't eat). CPS made us apply for foodstamps and public housing (they said two bedrooms wasn't enough for four kids even though we had made the dining room into a bedroom for SS).

We have FINALLY gotten CPS off of us, and she has decided to take away DH's CO visitation. Instead of going through the stresses of courts AGAIN (I'm pregnant with our third child and am on bed rest again due to preterm labor complications) Dh has decided to put the money in the bank, let it accrue intrest so that we have twice the amount we put in, and go after her next year after I've delivered and am recovered from having this baby (I'm also getting my tubes tied). Now we've got something else to pop up!

My aunt decided, that since we didn't help her buy the food for her daughter's 4th birthday party, but we went and got a computer for me to use in school, that we were no longer good enough to talk to. She went on FB and told everyone on there that we abuse the government by taking foodstamps and medicaid, we abuse social services by having our kids in daycare (which she is saying we don't need to do, convenently forgetting that daycare is the ONLY place my kids can get their speech therapy while I'm in school and that I drop them off 5 minutes before the cutoff time and pick them up as soon as my clases are over, which means my kids spend about 2 maybe 3 hours at daycare A DAY!) And that we abuse our kids by not punishing them correctly.

My DH pops the kids when they have done something serious (like trying to take something from someone else, stealing, or trying to hurt someone else) otherwise we use the time out policy, and if that isn't working we take something away (usually they have to sit for 3-4 minutes outside watching the other kids play with their sibling until they are allowed to join the fun). My kids are respectful, they rip and run around too much (they are 4 and 3 years old). And they don't whine when they can't get something they want. My cousins on the other hand? Her oldest has a horse that she takes to showcases and wins trophies for. The middle child, who is 5 months younger than my daughter, gets designer clothes, taken out to fancy tea parties, and has a ferret for a pet. The youngest child, who just turned one, has a kitten for a pet, and gets designer clothes as well. All three of the kids can't do anything for themselves.

They know where to go to get juices, but they want you to get it for them. My kids ask if they can get a juice, get it, and only if they are having trouble opening it do they ask for any help.

If you are tired of have a headache her kids still want you to entertain them, my kids will sit quietly and play, or go to their rooms and play. Her kids will pout if you tell them no, even go so far as to throw temper tantrums. My kids? "Unh! Please?...Okay" (honest to God, that's exactly what they say whenever we tell them no)

So, anyway. This woman, since her husband works two jobs and can afford to purchase a 3 bedroom home in the country that's still close enough to the school that the kids could WALK if they wanted to, thinks that since she was wronged because I didn't offer my FOODSTAMP benefits to her daughter's birthday that I shouldn't be allowed to be at anymore family functions. And since she's concidered the "rich" person in the family, the rest are going along with her to keep her from pitching them to the side. Which means because of ONE PERSON my family has decided to erase me and my kids from the family communication tree.

Now, the only people who talk to me is my parents, grandparents, and brother. Out of a family of over 100 people I'm reduced to the 5 who don't believe her.

I feel like crying....

CafeMom Tickers
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:12 PM

 I am really sorry.  I don't mean to sound insensitive, but that was a lot to take in.  I don't understand  why your family has backed away from you. 

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:13 PM

I am sorry momma, hang in there and remember you always have friends here!! good luck.

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:27 PM

As far as family drama goes, I totally understand (and won't bog you down with that right now). And I am so sorry to hear that your family is doing that to you. Keep your chin up, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:48 AM

I ma sorry, that you have had to go through all of this, and now your family is turning from you.  Be strong and always remember that God never gives anymore then you can handle.  Trust me I have been there. You know that place where there si nothing else could go wrong, but it does.  Read Psalm 91.  It helped me through some of my darkest days.  God bless you and your yours.

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:56 AM

Wow... that was a lot to take in! I am so sorry your going through all of this. I cannot offer any advice, but hope things start to look up for you.

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 2:40 AM

CPS won't take his kids away from him.  Don't let her bully you.

I suggest going to and ordering th ebook and getting a plan.. they will have her in a corner, seriously.. it is a father's rights legal firm.

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:17 PM

Quoting bellaamore:

CPS won't take his kids away from him.  Don't let her bully you.

I suggest going to and ordering th ebook and getting a plan.. they will have her in a corner, seriously.. it is a father's rights legal firm.

Yeah, we found that out when we went to Now DH's attorney has told him that the best thing he can do is wait until after the school year to file for full custody since theh judge will only fine BM and tell her to let DH have his visitation (and even then there's no sure fire way to make sure BM follows the judge's order since she has proven that she won't follow it consistantly now and we don't have the money to keep taking her back to court).

The thing that gets me is that no one else (besides the 5 mentioned before) seems to see that by waiting we're doing what is the best we can do in order to get the SK's away from BM and the abuse that they say is going on (even CPS said that they know she's abusing them, but since they refuse to talk to the CPS workers that there is nothing they can do)

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