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23 Years Old but NO sex drive :( PLEASE HELP!

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:07 AM
  • 32 Replies

Hey Ladies,

I'm 23 years old. Mommy of 2 girls. One is almost 4 and the other almost 6 months. I've been with my fiance for 3 years this coming July. I'm very happy with him, he's my best friend and the love of my life and when we do have sex it's always amazing. We both orgasm and have no complaints, other than the fact that the actual desire to have sex (for me) is gone. I never think about sex, i'm never turned on, and i just feel so bad... my fiance would be up for having sex 3 times a day if i was down for it. the problem is that i get so stressed out with the kids and housework and homework and now i'm just starting a new job where I'm going to be working full time 11pm-7am. I feel so bad for "shooting him down" everytime he tries to have sex with me, but i just have no drive to have sex with him. it doesn't make sense to me... he tells me that he feels like he's not getting the "best of me"... that i already got out all my "horniness" before i met him. I'm almost 3 years older than him and he is not the father of my first daughter (although she's the only father he knows and has been around since she was 1).

I'm just really confused and looking for answers. I'm starting to think it has something to do with the fact that i am extremely attracted to females. i'm so scared and don't know what to do. pleeeease help me. :(

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:45 AM

 your child is only 6 months, going from 1 to more children is overwhelming and you already have a lot on your plate. just give it some time and when you both have time off maybe take a date night alone and get the spark back.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:03 AM

I would give it time. But maybe try to get yourself in the mood. If it's just the fact you can't get into the mood I would say to play with yourself or look at porn (if your into that thing) Buy something sexy to make you feel attractive just really make it about you and you'll find yourself a little more in the mood. Well at least it worked for me!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:05 AM

 I dont know if you are on birth control...but I have heard that some birth control can decrease your sex drive?! I dunno hun, sorry. I will give you my sex drive..if you swap me the ability to orgasm??? lol

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:07 AM

OK, lets see if this works this time (I tried posting earlier, but when I went to post, it said the post had been deleted...).

"Its normal" for a woman of your age to not be all that into sex. (I put quotes because that's what I heard...I, on the other hand, do not believe it, but then again, I also enjoy my husband). When you get to ~27, your sex drive WILL go nuts (and then your husband gets deployed, and you're sitting there going...I WANT SEX but can't because...he's not there).

If you haven't, sit him down and talk with him about it. It might be that he needs to work harder at foreplay and getting you in the mood (I know a passionate kiss will get me going...). If that doesn't work, maybe see a doctor about it?

Anyway, good luck with it!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:08 AM

 I'm not sure what to say. I have a 2 year old and 8 month old and I still don't have a sex drive. That is the only realy arguement me and my husband have. I am still trying to figure out what to do to fix it because as much as I love him I am just not comfortable in my own skin to want him to be that close to me.

Hope things work out for you.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:10 AM

Hunny you said in ure post why ure not in the mood. seriously. i am in the same boat and im 27. its stress. u have alot going on right now. work, kids, school, home... you need to let go of some stress take the time for ureself and not worry bout some things. well at least thats what my ob said, but im a perfectionist and rly hard for me to not stress. But he is totally right... good luck momma

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:12 AM

I am 23 and in the same boat as far as the no drive goes. I am always just too tired! I'd rather sleep! He too would be willing to dtd 3 times a day! lol!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:12 AM

Someone gave me this advice...When your DF starts kissing and hugging on you, instead of thinking about how much you don't want to have sex or thinking about all the things you have going on, try to think about how good his hands feel on you and how good it feels to be in his arms. I know it seems silly, but it really helped me out a lot.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:12 AM

Oh, and is a stress reducer!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:13 AM

after I had my first I was like that, I had no drive whatsoever (pretty sure it was the pill I was on) after I had my second, since im breastfeeding im on the mini pill and that doesnt affect my drive at all and i have a drive (Im 23) now.

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